Flights are booked. Luggage is semi in order. Gifts purchased. Months completed.
I'm so excited to be home. To sit on a chesterfield and eat crap food. I'm so excited to hug and suffocate my nephews with kisses! I'm so excited to see my family and walk the gravel roads with my sister.
Although it's amazingly exciting...it's crazy surreal.
11 months: July 21, 2008 - July 1st, 2009.
I have to stop myself though from wasting these last few days of Cambodia on Canadian longings. My mind racing to the airport. To the prairie smells. To the tears. To the human touches. Eye contact.
I've learned lessons beyond my wildest expectations. I'm filled to the rims with memories, sights, flashbacks...I'm forever indebted to Cambodia. For the love it threw at me and the relationships we built together. Yet I also feel a very heavy responsibility to share truthfully what i've seen and learned. It to me seems like a serious job. As Brooke Fraser sings; "Now that I have seen, I am responsible". I guess I'm trying to figure out what that means for me.
Many people are asking: "So, when will you be coming back to Cambodia?" ummm...well I guess I don't know. I kind of think I need to just take a rest from trying to overload my brain to make such a commitment yet. I just want my Mom people!!!
I must end with saying thank you for reading and sticking along through the rough patches. I'm very lucky to have friends who were able to read along and not get bored out of their minds! I've gone through some changes in my faith this year. And I hesitated sharing any "religious" words. Yet I knew if I wanted to remain genuine and true to myself i had to say what i was thinking...and i knew i couldn't please both sides. Some may say I used some Christian jargon this year...i think that may be because it's difficult to explain sometimes what kind of journey we're on...how do you put faith into words?
Just remember people that just because some gorgeous lady like myself gets up and moves half way across the world doesn't make them a hero or an angel. I'm still who I am. A freckled faced girl who actually likes cigarettes now and then!
Thanks. peace out.
kimbo-rimbo-simbo-ronk.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Meta House: A Success!!
Thanks everyone for keeping Daughters in your thoughts/prayers!
On June 9th Jaymie premiered her photography project at the Meta House art gallery. She has been teaching 4 young Khmer women who work at Daughters, the art of photography since early this year. They proved to be major talents and this exhibition was a way to celebrate and prove to these women to reach high!
During the exhibition on the 9th, Jaymie and I spoke upstairs on the rooftop where documentaries or art presentations are held. We spoke about Daughters and the issues surrounding the sex industry in Cambodia.
It was a packed show and we are so thankful for everyone that came out to support us. Apparantly I am a natural public speaker;)
We have another event this Saturday at Gasolina garden restaurant where photos, art, jewelery, and home decor items will be sold. These are all products that the women at Daughters have made.
I'll post pics when I have a minute!!
On June 9th Jaymie premiered her photography project at the Meta House art gallery. She has been teaching 4 young Khmer women who work at Daughters, the art of photography since early this year. They proved to be major talents and this exhibition was a way to celebrate and prove to these women to reach high!
During the exhibition on the 9th, Jaymie and I spoke upstairs on the rooftop where documentaries or art presentations are held. We spoke about Daughters and the issues surrounding the sex industry in Cambodia.
It was a packed show and we are so thankful for everyone that came out to support us. Apparantly I am a natural public speaker;)
We have another event this Saturday at Gasolina garden restaurant where photos, art, jewelery, and home decor items will be sold. These are all products that the women at Daughters have made.
I'll post pics when I have a minute!!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
30 days...
Every Friday, Daughters staff and girls/children join together in the main lobby to worship. For many girls it is the first and only times they may ever be involved in a worship centered around Jesus. It's purely magical.
We sing songs; many of which I do not know. The service is in Khmer and translated into English or visa versa. Usually after we sing the microphone is offered to any girl who wants to share something related to God that is happening in their life. Some girls who are brave share of relationships mending or of forgiveness. It's amazing to hear their testimonies.
Ruth, our director speaks or others who are visiting or working staff are also invited to share some words. Ruth asked me to speak this Friday with short notice but strangely on the motto ride to work I had decided on a topic I would speak on...without knowing I was going to! Ruth recommended the topic of Prayer and that was what I had decided earlier on the motto too!
During the singing I was emotional; looking at all of these women. Singing from their hearts, sitting together with their babies in their laps and most of them breastfeeding as they sang. I was overwhelmed with the obvious spirit of God in the room.
I nervously got up to speak but found that I didn't need to look down to read my written prepared notes. I shared about what prayer is. Who can pray. Why we pray. How we can pray. Then I shared stories of prayers i had prayed in my past. I was honest. I shared about praying that miraculously my parents would love each other again and that when i opened my eyes and walked out to the living room that they would not be divorced. I also shared about praying that my teenage sister's baby would miscarry. i cried and shared with them that God answers sometimes in ways that we don't see. That really my nephew was born to bless me!
After I finished Ruth invited anyone who wanted prayer to come forward...16 girls came forward! Jaymie and i took half the group while Ruth took the rest. Sitting on the tile floors in a circle we prayed for these sobbing women. We prayed for their children's health, healing and support for their HIV positive illness, strength to be a single parent and relational issues regarding their husband's imprisonment.
One women sat down right beside me and took my hand and jabbered away in Khmer to me. My translator said that she was telling me of a dream she had last night. That in the dream she had killed a man. And in the process her hand was severely cut and bleeding profusely. Then in the dream I came to her. I came and told her everything was going to be ok, that she wasn't alone and then I prayed for her!! And her hand was healed!
I was shocked and moved and blessed and happy and...shocked!!!!!!!!!! I had heard from a friend that God speaks to them in their dreams and this was evidence! The fact that I was in her dream to calm her and point her to God made my skin quiver.
Such a beautiful rich blessing for me to cherish during my last 30 days...that God used me to speak the words their wounded hearts needed to hear.
Here am I Lord, use me!
We sing songs; many of which I do not know. The service is in Khmer and translated into English or visa versa. Usually after we sing the microphone is offered to any girl who wants to share something related to God that is happening in their life. Some girls who are brave share of relationships mending or of forgiveness. It's amazing to hear their testimonies.
Ruth, our director speaks or others who are visiting or working staff are also invited to share some words. Ruth asked me to speak this Friday with short notice but strangely on the motto ride to work I had decided on a topic I would speak on...without knowing I was going to! Ruth recommended the topic of Prayer and that was what I had decided earlier on the motto too!
During the singing I was emotional; looking at all of these women. Singing from their hearts, sitting together with their babies in their laps and most of them breastfeeding as they sang. I was overwhelmed with the obvious spirit of God in the room.
I nervously got up to speak but found that I didn't need to look down to read my written prepared notes. I shared about what prayer is. Who can pray. Why we pray. How we can pray. Then I shared stories of prayers i had prayed in my past. I was honest. I shared about praying that miraculously my parents would love each other again and that when i opened my eyes and walked out to the living room that they would not be divorced. I also shared about praying that my teenage sister's baby would miscarry. i cried and shared with them that God answers sometimes in ways that we don't see. That really my nephew was born to bless me!
After I finished Ruth invited anyone who wanted prayer to come forward...16 girls came forward! Jaymie and i took half the group while Ruth took the rest. Sitting on the tile floors in a circle we prayed for these sobbing women. We prayed for their children's health, healing and support for their HIV positive illness, strength to be a single parent and relational issues regarding their husband's imprisonment.
One women sat down right beside me and took my hand and jabbered away in Khmer to me. My translator said that she was telling me of a dream she had last night. That in the dream she had killed a man. And in the process her hand was severely cut and bleeding profusely. Then in the dream I came to her. I came and told her everything was going to be ok, that she wasn't alone and then I prayed for her!! And her hand was healed!
I was shocked and moved and blessed and happy and...shocked!!!!!!!!!! I had heard from a friend that God speaks to them in their dreams and this was evidence! The fact that I was in her dream to calm her and point her to God made my skin quiver.
Such a beautiful rich blessing for me to cherish during my last 30 days...that God used me to speak the words their wounded hearts needed to hear.
Here am I Lord, use me!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Stretching
Jaymie, my "lovely Canadian sister who works at Daughters" (long title) has been teaching photography to some of the girls that are working at Daughters. They've turned out to be very talented and so a couple projects are in the making to share their work/talent...
June 9th - Tuesday @ 6pm. We're having a slide show presentation of Daughters at a art/film/cafe here in PP called Meta House. There will be an exhibit display sampling some of the photographs the girls have taken of their own communities. AND for some unknown reason....Jaymie and yours truly will be speaking!! I'm praying the stuttering remains minimal and the lisp non-existent...
June 13th - Saturday @ 12-4pm. Daughters is having a celebration! This is an opportunity to show all the wonderful things we have been up to as of late at a garden cafe called Gasolina in PP. Merchandise the girls have sewn or created will be on display for sale as well as the photographs exhibited.
Come by if you are in PP and pray for us if you're half way across the world!!
June 9th - Tuesday @ 6pm. We're having a slide show presentation of Daughters at a art/film/cafe here in PP called Meta House. There will be an exhibit display sampling some of the photographs the girls have taken of their own communities. AND for some unknown reason....Jaymie and yours truly will be speaking!! I'm praying the stuttering remains minimal and the lisp non-existent...
June 13th - Saturday @ 12-4pm. Daughters is having a celebration! This is an opportunity to show all the wonderful things we have been up to as of late at a garden cafe called Gasolina in PP. Merchandise the girls have sewn or created will be on display for sale as well as the photographs exhibited.
Come by if you are in PP and pray for us if you're half way across the world!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Battambang
Jaymie and I headed north west to a town called Battambang this past weekend.
It's a lazy town and that's just what we wanted.
We rented bicycles and travelled around town to an abandoned Pepsi bottle making plant. And also explored the old train station. The following pics are of the train station kids.
It's a lazy town and that's just what we wanted.
We rented bicycles and travelled around town to an abandoned Pepsi bottle making plant. And also explored the old train station. The following pics are of the train station kids.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monsters under the bed
I visited a child brothel area in a small village outside of Phnom Penh this afternoon. There's a children's program run every Monday/Wednesday/Friday for the local kids. The afternoon was full of stories, songs, screaming, running, balloon popping, hand holding, name asking, coloring, creating, loving and impact.
I'm speechless.
I had gone before. With my nurse friend; Ruthie. She worked as a nurse on Tuesday/Thursday afternoons. Now that she's gone they try to make do with what she taught them.
This time was different then the last time i visited though. The background, the stories, the rooms; were explained more to me.
The program is run in an old brothel. In the past it was just a skinny dark hallway with cubicles on either side; maybe 7 feet by 7 feet. Now it's a big room where kids run and eat and play and just be kids. At the back of the room though stands one single cubicle. Left as a memorial to an innocent little girl who was raped to death in it. The finger prints still on the walls. The wooden bed still remains.
There's more but i don't need to go on. I just need to think.
I got home and tried to go on. But as i scrambled my eggs I found tears on my cheeks. Just me thinking about her is reason enough for them to keep the room. To prove to her that we won't forget. But we won't just sit. We'll remember her and we'll play. These kids can play. Even though 80% every night become sex workers. Every night! On Monday/Wednesday/Friday, these little wonders can just be kids.
I'm upset because there are angels walking amongst us - tied to his bed.
I'm speechless.
I had gone before. With my nurse friend; Ruthie. She worked as a nurse on Tuesday/Thursday afternoons. Now that she's gone they try to make do with what she taught them.
This time was different then the last time i visited though. The background, the stories, the rooms; were explained more to me.
The program is run in an old brothel. In the past it was just a skinny dark hallway with cubicles on either side; maybe 7 feet by 7 feet. Now it's a big room where kids run and eat and play and just be kids. At the back of the room though stands one single cubicle. Left as a memorial to an innocent little girl who was raped to death in it. The finger prints still on the walls. The wooden bed still remains.
There's more but i don't need to go on. I just need to think.
I got home and tried to go on. But as i scrambled my eggs I found tears on my cheeks. Just me thinking about her is reason enough for them to keep the room. To prove to her that we won't forget. But we won't just sit. We'll remember her and we'll play. These kids can play. Even though 80% every night become sex workers. Every night! On Monday/Wednesday/Friday, these little wonders can just be kids.
I'm upset because there are angels walking amongst us - tied to his bed.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Here am I...
My close friend sent me this link. I recommend you watch it.
I'm finding it very applicable to where my mind/heart has been venturing as of late...
Just click on this:
A Thousand Questions
I'm finding it very applicable to where my mind/heart has been venturing as of late...
Just click on this:
A Thousand Questions
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day Mom!
These past few weeks I have been mulling over the concept of "Mother". When I think of a Mother, I think of: safety, forgiveness, protection, unconditional love, wisdom, gentleness, friendship...and fresh bread....okay, and maybe spankings!
In analyzing my view of a Mother (as I've grown to know from my lovely Mama Mia), I've just begun now in Cambodia to realize that the idea of Mother that I've always thought to be universal is in fact not. Mothers "mother" in very different ways.
For instance; just last week I was shocked to learn that a woman that I have helped throughout her entire pregnancy with emotional, physical, mental and spiritual assistance has sold her baby. That darling little baby boy has been traded in for $300. My tears stung my eyes when i heard. I was enraged and frustrated and confused...."but why?", i asked. I have been presented with a very realistic view of many, not all, but many mothers here who see their children with dollar signs.
I had an opportunity to interview a woman who has been working for Daughters about 2 years. She shared with me her story of being trafficked as a 15 year old girl to a distant province to be used as a loan repayment option by her very own mother...to sell her body for money so her mother's debt would be paid.
It makes me confused then; how was I born in Canada? Into a home with parents who adore me? How come she wasn't? Was there a mix up?
I believe that those of us who are the "lucky ones" are expected to share, to help. In Rob Bell's book; Velvet Elvis, he discusses the idea that people who believe in Jesus are not to live their life to get to Heaven, but to live their lives to bring Heaven to earth. I completely agree! And I think that this is what Jesus' goal was; to bring Heaven here. (Don't worry people; i still believe in a place called Heaven too! I just fight with the concept that Heaven is the only goal. Comment if you disagree)
So I believe that the idea of Heaven is extensive. If Heaven to us means union with God, or restoration, then that leaves us with multiple ideas of Heaven. Such as mended relationships, environmental stewardship, justice for the poor, care for the orphaned, peace for the incriminated, freedom for the sinners, and the list goes on and on and on.
This excites me b/c that means that all people, without knowing, are bringing Heaven to earth. As Rob says; "Everything is Spiritual". I believe my cousins Lisa-Joy and John are bringing Heaven to earth by teaching awareness of the pollution affects to the Arctic with the Gunters family business called Frontiers North Adventures. God created us to be stewards of the earth and to care for it. Rob says that "this is why litter and pollution are spiritual issues."
I believe that Brian McConaghy and his staff at The Ratanak Foundation and Ruth Elliot and her team at Daughters of Cambodia are bringing Heaven to earth by assisting in the changing of thousands of lives in Cambodia.
There are many ways people aide in the restoration of our world; Mothers are one of those ways.
Thank you Mom for bringing Heaven to Earth a little bit more by making me! Just kidding! Thanks for being a lovely Mother. Happy Mother's Day!
In analyzing my view of a Mother (as I've grown to know from my lovely Mama Mia), I've just begun now in Cambodia to realize that the idea of Mother that I've always thought to be universal is in fact not. Mothers "mother" in very different ways.
For instance; just last week I was shocked to learn that a woman that I have helped throughout her entire pregnancy with emotional, physical, mental and spiritual assistance has sold her baby. That darling little baby boy has been traded in for $300. My tears stung my eyes when i heard. I was enraged and frustrated and confused...."but why?", i asked. I have been presented with a very realistic view of many, not all, but many mothers here who see their children with dollar signs.
I had an opportunity to interview a woman who has been working for Daughters about 2 years. She shared with me her story of being trafficked as a 15 year old girl to a distant province to be used as a loan repayment option by her very own mother...to sell her body for money so her mother's debt would be paid.
It makes me confused then; how was I born in Canada? Into a home with parents who adore me? How come she wasn't? Was there a mix up?
I believe that those of us who are the "lucky ones" are expected to share, to help. In Rob Bell's book; Velvet Elvis, he discusses the idea that people who believe in Jesus are not to live their life to get to Heaven, but to live their lives to bring Heaven to earth. I completely agree! And I think that this is what Jesus' goal was; to bring Heaven here. (Don't worry people; i still believe in a place called Heaven too! I just fight with the concept that Heaven is the only goal. Comment if you disagree)
So I believe that the idea of Heaven is extensive. If Heaven to us means union with God, or restoration, then that leaves us with multiple ideas of Heaven. Such as mended relationships, environmental stewardship, justice for the poor, care for the orphaned, peace for the incriminated, freedom for the sinners, and the list goes on and on and on.
This excites me b/c that means that all people, without knowing, are bringing Heaven to earth. As Rob says; "Everything is Spiritual". I believe my cousins Lisa-Joy and John are bringing Heaven to earth by teaching awareness of the pollution affects to the Arctic with the Gunters family business called Frontiers North Adventures. God created us to be stewards of the earth and to care for it. Rob says that "this is why litter and pollution are spiritual issues."
I believe that Brian McConaghy and his staff at The Ratanak Foundation and Ruth Elliot and her team at Daughters of Cambodia are bringing Heaven to earth by assisting in the changing of thousands of lives in Cambodia.
There are many ways people aide in the restoration of our world; Mothers are one of those ways.
Thank you Mom for bringing Heaven to Earth a little bit more by making me! Just kidding! Thanks for being a lovely Mother. Happy Mother's Day!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
2 Children every minute are trafficked...
Human slavery isn't only happening in Cambodia; this criminal activity generates $32 billion dollars a year in the trafficking of human beings all over our world.To learn more about this worldwide issue, visit these websites:
stopthetraffik
stopdemand
somaly
restoreinternatoinal
notforsalecampaign
chabdai
love146
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
25?! WHAT?
So...it looks like i've crossed to the other side...the side of: the MID-twenties. And let's just leave it at that.
It's been exciting at Daughter's lately. Why? Well...let me tell you!
We had a lovely lady from the States who is a Physiotherapist, come to Daughters. She taught a class to the girls on Thursday dealing with stretching, stress release and posture building exercises. She also came and worked along side me in the clinic on Friday morning with girls who have been having issues with back, neck, wrist and pelvic pain. I learned a lot! (I know Rachel is learning to be an OT, but I really pretended it was you Rach in the clinic with me) She was generous and taught the staff also a bit about posture and relaxation stretches and left with us some great resources and aides. Thanks Marilynne! (spelling is probably wrong)
Daughter's also has been lucky to meet Joanna, a midwife from New Zealand. She's just arrived in Cambodia and is looking for a position dealing with pre-natal as well as post-natal women for possibly a long term position. Her and I have run some clinics together and I've been able to breathe easy when a girl comes with an issue involving her pregnancy b/c I can just turn to Joanna and say; "Please!". She's around my age and very very nice. We've had great talks about our philosophies in working WITH people in the world and she has a gentle yet strong passion for Pregnancy's! I'd like to say that she is my friend!
oh! Before I forget: July 1st, 2009; our date of re-entry into the Great White North!
It's been exciting at Daughter's lately. Why? Well...let me tell you!
We had a lovely lady from the States who is a Physiotherapist, come to Daughters. She taught a class to the girls on Thursday dealing with stretching, stress release and posture building exercises. She also came and worked along side me in the clinic on Friday morning with girls who have been having issues with back, neck, wrist and pelvic pain. I learned a lot! (I know Rachel is learning to be an OT, but I really pretended it was you Rach in the clinic with me) She was generous and taught the staff also a bit about posture and relaxation stretches and left with us some great resources and aides. Thanks Marilynne! (spelling is probably wrong)
Daughter's also has been lucky to meet Joanna, a midwife from New Zealand. She's just arrived in Cambodia and is looking for a position dealing with pre-natal as well as post-natal women for possibly a long term position. Her and I have run some clinics together and I've been able to breathe easy when a girl comes with an issue involving her pregnancy b/c I can just turn to Joanna and say; "Please!". She's around my age and very very nice. We've had great talks about our philosophies in working WITH people in the world and she has a gentle yet strong passion for Pregnancy's! I'd like to say that she is my friend!
oh! Before I forget: July 1st, 2009; our date of re-entry into the Great White North!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
RAINin'
It's been raining again!
In other news: I have lice, scabies, strange itchy patches on my legs that apparently look like Jellyfish stings and my tan is peeling off...sigh...
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Low Down, Berly-Kim style!
So...I'm about to attempt to make a long story short. Sometimes this is a wee bit difficult for this wee little girl. BUT. It must be done.
The ladies (Amber, Noemi, Sopeak, Eileen, Jaymie and myself) ventured up to a province in Cambodia called Mondulkiri for 4 nights. The Khmer New Year handed us a 5 day leave from work, and we happily accepted. (Just for your information: it is the year of the Cow. And we just ended the year of the Rat...i think things are looking up!)
We took a big Grey Hound looking bus, up to a town called Snuol. Now. Let me tell you about what made this bus ride one to remember:
I enter the bus. It's big and smelly and hot, right? Ok, so i get to my seat. I follow Jaymie, my seat buddy and look to the back of the bus. A Khmer lady takes notice of me and motions with insistance that i can sit down. So I say thankyou and turn to sit down. But just as I turn I feel a very, let's say, "gentle and lingering" stroke to my arm. I turn to see it's the Khmer lady. Then, she goes on to tell our lovely Khmer friend, Sopeak, that I look Chinese! Me! Kimmy Alice! I look Chinese!? What?!
It was halarious from afar. Maybe not closeup. I felt weirdly against this accusation. This woman's half baked daughter (approxiametly 25 years old) didn't have a seat. The bus was full. So she gets a plastic (Parkside Gospel Church looking chair) and sits in the isle. Guess where? Yup! Right beside her Chinese looking Canadian friend! Me! The WHOLE trip she stares at me. Rubs my arms, hands, legs, hair. She even tried to kiss me; twice!!
Then; which is actually quite funny but frustratingly annoying; she asks me my name. Now, just think about that for a second. My name is: Kim. How Chinese can you get!!! She was certain I was Chinese after that. Then, of course i try to get her off my Chinese looking back and i tell her my name ACTUALLY is: KimBERly. But all she hears is Kim Ly (pronounced Lee). Yup! I'm Kim Lee, the Chinese girl from Canada, with a nose ring and apparantly pimples.
So...the bus gets us to Snuol. Where we have to find a ride to Sen Monorom, the capital of Mondulkiri. One truck packed up to the sky with people/chickens/clothes/food and probably pigs, offers us to ride on the top of it all for 10 dollars each! For 1.5 hours? No thank you. We end up finding a "taxi". AKA a Toyota Camry driven by a man with only one good hand. Who has no shoes. No shirt. And apparantly...no problem...with taking us ladies to Sen Monorom. We had no forwarning into the state of the roads that would be ahead. It basically was a construction site the whole way, except no one was working....well, maybe one person was. A backhoe that had been called to push a pick up truck full of pigs after it got stuck in a rut. The sqweels were horendous!
Anyways....Mondulkiri was beautiful. The waterfalls were fun. The elephants were bumpy. The sleep talking lived on. And the return just as slow/sweaty/and murderously hot as the journey to Mondulkiri.
Here's some photos:
Me at a little lunch spot after riding the elephants. The guide, who looks more like a jungle man, picked these flowers for us.
The Sen Monorom Waterfalls. These are not the largest waterfalls in the region but due to the dry season the water was not as spectacular. Jaymie and I tried our hardest to jump off the side but found too many 'others' much too worried...
Me with a cashew nut in my hand and the sun in my eyes. A sour fruit grows above the nut on the tree.
My face was dirty after a day of treking, waterfall swimming, and fast truck riding! Yup! I had fun!
The group shot; L to R: Noemi, me, Eileen, Amber, Sopeak and Jaymie on the end.(All photos taken by Jaymie Friesen)
To view my complete Facebook photo album of Mondulkiri just follow this link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=238403&id=888480267&l=e70c6cc760
Friday, April 17, 2009
Mondulkiri
E. and I returned safely this afternoon from our excursion North East, near the Vietnamese Border to the province Mondulkiri....
Stay tuned for pics and stories....elephants, fast truck rides, coffee plantations, pig trucks, pickled scorpions, gigantic iguanas and sleep talking....
Stay tuned for pics and stories....elephants, fast truck rides, coffee plantations, pig trucks, pickled scorpions, gigantic iguanas and sleep talking....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The Ragamuffin Gospel by: Brennan Manning
Lately I've been contemplating this idea of Grace. And I will be the first to say that I need it and also the first to say; i don't believe it...
Here's an exert from the book that's brought Jesus back to me and showed me that there's no other God I could love. A God who comes to love....ALWAYS!
"The Ragamuffin Gospel was written with a specific reading audience in mind. This book is not for the super-spiritual. It is not for muscular Christians who have made John Wayne and not Jesus their hero. It is not for academicians who would imprison Jesus in the ivory tower of exegesis. It is not for noisy, feel-good folks who manipulate Christianity into a naked appeal to emotion. It is not for hooded mystics who want magic in their religion. It is not for Alleluia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation. It is not for the fearless and tearless. It is not for red-hot zealots who boast with the rich young ruler of the gospels: "All these commandments I have kept from my youth." It is not for the complacent, hoisting over their shoulder a tote-bag of honors, diplomas and good works actually believing they have it made. It is not for legalists who would rather surrender control of their souls to rules than run the risk of living in union with Jesus….
The Ragamuffin Gospel was written for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out. It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other. It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don’t have it altogether and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace. It is for inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker. It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents. It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay. It is for the bent and the bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God. It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags."
WOW!
Here's an exert from the book that's brought Jesus back to me and showed me that there's no other God I could love. A God who comes to love....ALWAYS!
"The Ragamuffin Gospel was written with a specific reading audience in mind. This book is not for the super-spiritual. It is not for muscular Christians who have made John Wayne and not Jesus their hero. It is not for academicians who would imprison Jesus in the ivory tower of exegesis. It is not for noisy, feel-good folks who manipulate Christianity into a naked appeal to emotion. It is not for hooded mystics who want magic in their religion. It is not for Alleluia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation. It is not for the fearless and tearless. It is not for red-hot zealots who boast with the rich young ruler of the gospels: "All these commandments I have kept from my youth." It is not for the complacent, hoisting over their shoulder a tote-bag of honors, diplomas and good works actually believing they have it made. It is not for legalists who would rather surrender control of their souls to rules than run the risk of living in union with Jesus….
The Ragamuffin Gospel was written for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out. It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other. It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don’t have it altogether and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace. It is for inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker. It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents. It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay. It is for the bent and the bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God. It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags."
WOW!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Did someone say lice?!
Today I de-loused my Canadian friend, Jaymie.
Yes, I believe I've hit my low; I now find myself picking nitts from friend's heads in my spare time...maybe all those years of lice in Elementary school have paid off....i doubt it...
Things I'm thinking about:
1. Khmer new year is this next week and E. and I are heading north to Mondulkiri province to go for a jungle trek on an elephant! Super excited!
2. I feel ashamed of my re-kindled addiction to American Idol...
3. I've decided India is waiting for me...
4. My dad's cow gave birth to a two headed calf...as you can imagine...i tell EVERYONE!!
Yes, I believe I've hit my low; I now find myself picking nitts from friend's heads in my spare time...maybe all those years of lice in Elementary school have paid off....i doubt it...
Things I'm thinking about:
1. Khmer new year is this next week and E. and I are heading north to Mondulkiri province to go for a jungle trek on an elephant! Super excited!
2. I feel ashamed of my re-kindled addiction to American Idol...
3. I've decided India is waiting for me...
4. My dad's cow gave birth to a two headed calf...as you can imagine...i tell EVERYONE!!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Millie!!
My Grandma Foster, at the ripe age 93 (i think) years, died peacefully in Dauphin, Manitoba, CANADA on March 30th, 2009 at lunch time.
Her body was struggling with Congestive Heart Failure and she finally was able to let go.
I am saddened that I can't be there with my family and cousins, but I am thinking of you all as you plan for the funeral and the social gatherings...
I am sending a little something for Rachel to read at the funeral. Just some memories.
I love you Grandma and I know you are peaceful. Thank you for loving me with your gentle and simple love.
Love your, Kimmy Alice.
Her body was struggling with Congestive Heart Failure and she finally was able to let go.
I am saddened that I can't be there with my family and cousins, but I am thinking of you all as you plan for the funeral and the social gatherings...
I am sending a little something for Rachel to read at the funeral. Just some memories.
I love you Grandma and I know you are peaceful. Thank you for loving me with your gentle and simple love.
Love your, Kimmy Alice.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Realizations!
Hmmm....
I've realized after my very beautiful and kind friend of mine (!) brought to my attention, that I am bringing a skewed view of Daughter's of Cambodia. I agree with her.
I want you all to know that Daughter's has made leaps and bounds since it's infancy as an NGO working in the brothels of a poor area of Phnom Penh! Starting out with Ruth and her husband driving to brothels to invite the girls to come for the day to visit, paint, and learn a trade...has snowballed into a major NGO with major achievements and major amounts of change in the lives of those they minister to!
I seem to be a bit distraught lately...as I muddle over my latest blog entries I realize how narrow my scope of Daughter's is. I enter into my little clinic and stay there...not realizing that possibly the reason behind all my depressing thoughts working with these women is b/c i deal with the sick, and do not usually see the changes in those who were sick!! Usually a healthy girl with happiness won't just drop in to the clinic just to say thank you or prove that her life has improved. Just doesn't really happen.
Do you understand?
I want you all to know that my eyes do not only see sadness, pain, trauma....no! My eyes see new moms bringing their tiny babies to work everyday...and these babies have a safe, clean place to thrive!! I see little kids getting love, attention and vitamins daily when they visit! I see girls learning a trade, earning good money working in a clean place. Money that is earned respectably and with honor.
I see women come to me in pain and after I refer them to our counselling staff, she comes out with a goal, a dream, a plan, a hope! I see girls who had no hope in hell and have come up to earth again! Living again!!
One of the counsellors at Daughter's just did a psychological assessment on a girl that has worked for us for about a year. The woman was asked about her previous situation before Daughter's and to compare it to after she was given employment. She stated that her depression and anxiety and her worthlessness has decreased drastically!! She said that she beats her children less, her use of alcohol has decreased 100 percent, her hope for the future is tangible! She sees how Daughter's has assisted her and I am so thankful for that.
So, you see. The evidence is there! I just need to take the time out of my crazy wired brain to not just focus on the awful. Sure, those things will happen to these girls seeing where they live or what they deal with at home. BUT there are happy changes and lives that have been turned around. I see it!
I've realized after my very beautiful and kind friend of mine (!) brought to my attention, that I am bringing a skewed view of Daughter's of Cambodia. I agree with her.
I want you all to know that Daughter's has made leaps and bounds since it's infancy as an NGO working in the brothels of a poor area of Phnom Penh! Starting out with Ruth and her husband driving to brothels to invite the girls to come for the day to visit, paint, and learn a trade...has snowballed into a major NGO with major achievements and major amounts of change in the lives of those they minister to!
I seem to be a bit distraught lately...as I muddle over my latest blog entries I realize how narrow my scope of Daughter's is. I enter into my little clinic and stay there...not realizing that possibly the reason behind all my depressing thoughts working with these women is b/c i deal with the sick, and do not usually see the changes in those who were sick!! Usually a healthy girl with happiness won't just drop in to the clinic just to say thank you or prove that her life has improved. Just doesn't really happen.
Do you understand?
I want you all to know that my eyes do not only see sadness, pain, trauma....no! My eyes see new moms bringing their tiny babies to work everyday...and these babies have a safe, clean place to thrive!! I see little kids getting love, attention and vitamins daily when they visit! I see girls learning a trade, earning good money working in a clean place. Money that is earned respectably and with honor.
I see women come to me in pain and after I refer them to our counselling staff, she comes out with a goal, a dream, a plan, a hope! I see girls who had no hope in hell and have come up to earth again! Living again!!
One of the counsellors at Daughter's just did a psychological assessment on a girl that has worked for us for about a year. The woman was asked about her previous situation before Daughter's and to compare it to after she was given employment. She stated that her depression and anxiety and her worthlessness has decreased drastically!! She said that she beats her children less, her use of alcohol has decreased 100 percent, her hope for the future is tangible! She sees how Daughter's has assisted her and I am so thankful for that.
So, you see. The evidence is there! I just need to take the time out of my crazy wired brain to not just focus on the awful. Sure, those things will happen to these girls seeing where they live or what they deal with at home. BUT there are happy changes and lives that have been turned around. I see it!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute. Speak out, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy. - P
So the week is over...and I have a good story to tell!
On Thursday one of our counselors came to me with a story of a little 1 year old boy she noticed while doing a home visit to one of our very poor communities surrounding our center, many of our girls live there...
She found him alone. When she asked about him the girls told her that he was abandoned a couple months ago. His father is in jail and his mother works in the brothels and had run off on him. Amazingly though, the girls from our center take turns having him in their tiny, poor little homes!
They pass him around with care. Feeding him with what they have and washing him when they can. He lives permanently with an old woman who can only afford to fill his little bottle with water and sweetened condensed milk! As you can imagine, his growth has been stunted...
The counselor asked me if she could bring in the boy and have me look him over. Well, of course, i said!!!
He was very flaccid. Short torso. Enlarged lymph glands. Chest infection. Bug bites. Bruising. Look liked a 6 months old...not a one year old! Everyone said he didn't have a name...he was known just as the baby...
I spoke to my boss, Ruth, about him. After a quick discussion she and her husband decided to take him home with them for the weekend. He will be fed and bathed and loved!! Then after contacting the father in jail for legal rights we will have him placed in a Khmer home with loving parents. We are in contact with a woman who runs an adoption agency with families who can't have children.
Shortly after I did my assessment we had our regular friday worship time. The little boy was passed around from mommy to mommy. Some women who saw that he was going to be cared for by Ruth and Samuel, started to cry. I was amazed at their love for this little boy and i publicly in church thanked them for their compassion. I told them that their actions have not gone un noticed! That jesus sees and is pleased...that when Jesus spoke about feeding and clothing him when he was sick or hungry...that this is what he meant.
I was so happy!
As I stood outside the center with the girls and laughed together while I held the little boy, we all decided he needed a name. A little girl; dirty, poor, and full of head lice (!) looked at the little boy. She said very matter of factly that his name will be RATANAK!! And she told me b/c it means treasure! Oh how precious!
So, Brian and The Ratanak Foundation should be very pleased to know that we now have our own little Ratanak; our own little treasure...
I think God has answered my prayers; For a happy story. For a hopeful glimpse...
On Thursday one of our counselors came to me with a story of a little 1 year old boy she noticed while doing a home visit to one of our very poor communities surrounding our center, many of our girls live there...
She found him alone. When she asked about him the girls told her that he was abandoned a couple months ago. His father is in jail and his mother works in the brothels and had run off on him. Amazingly though, the girls from our center take turns having him in their tiny, poor little homes!
They pass him around with care. Feeding him with what they have and washing him when they can. He lives permanently with an old woman who can only afford to fill his little bottle with water and sweetened condensed milk! As you can imagine, his growth has been stunted...
The counselor asked me if she could bring in the boy and have me look him over. Well, of course, i said!!!
He was very flaccid. Short torso. Enlarged lymph glands. Chest infection. Bug bites. Bruising. Look liked a 6 months old...not a one year old! Everyone said he didn't have a name...he was known just as the baby...
I spoke to my boss, Ruth, about him. After a quick discussion she and her husband decided to take him home with them for the weekend. He will be fed and bathed and loved!! Then after contacting the father in jail for legal rights we will have him placed in a Khmer home with loving parents. We are in contact with a woman who runs an adoption agency with families who can't have children.
Shortly after I did my assessment we had our regular friday worship time. The little boy was passed around from mommy to mommy. Some women who saw that he was going to be cared for by Ruth and Samuel, started to cry. I was amazed at their love for this little boy and i publicly in church thanked them for their compassion. I told them that their actions have not gone un noticed! That jesus sees and is pleased...that when Jesus spoke about feeding and clothing him when he was sick or hungry...that this is what he meant.
I was so happy!
As I stood outside the center with the girls and laughed together while I held the little boy, we all decided he needed a name. A little girl; dirty, poor, and full of head lice (!) looked at the little boy. She said very matter of factly that his name will be RATANAK!! And she told me b/c it means treasure! Oh how precious!
So, Brian and The Ratanak Foundation should be very pleased to know that we now have our own little Ratanak; our own little treasure...
I think God has answered my prayers; For a happy story. For a hopeful glimpse...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
How come?
I've been trying to figure out lately how to cope with all these sad stories...
These past 2 weeks have been riddled with TRAGIC happenings. I had a girl come to me last week with major domestic violence injuries. Her husband bit her...yes, bit her with his teeth. It was so awful to sit there and assess her wounds and realize that he did this with his teeth! Her fingers, her wrists, her nose, her lips...bruised and cut by his teeth.
So...what did I do? Well, we jumped in a tuk tuk and went to a couple NGO's that deal with domestic violence and women's empowerment. They advised her to go to the police. So we did. And it was the most depressing and maddening thing ever! They pretty much laughed at the girl with her bruises and black eyes. They made her feel small and belittled the abuse. About 4 men stood around us as we sat in plastic chairs in a room with spider webs, cockroaches and dusty tables. They stood around and stared us down. I felt so small and insignificant. One police officer came up to me and with crossed arms, asked me how old i was. Um?! What?!! I wanted to burst into tears and run away. But I was so angry at him that i answered in Khmer and stared him down with no smile, no tears....I didn't want to give him the power...i couldn't let him see me cry.
The abused girl is now living with her sister and comes to work everyday. Her bruises are fading and her smile comes more often. I'm so glad she's ok...
This week we found out a little girl that regularily comes to the center, approximently 12 years old, was almost raped by her father. She now lives in our night shelter and is going through counselling at Licadho, the NGO that helped us with the other girl.
Then E. and I were awoken in our sleep at 3:30 am by the sounds of fighting outside our house. A man was kicking and punching a girl. She was screaming...we woke to her cries. The man ran off on his motto and left her in a pile on the ground. I wanted to run to her to grab her and bring her to my bed...but E. stopped me. I need to be careful and others were there to help her...
It's sometimes difficult for me to see not only the one girl out of the 60 who is hurt, lost, hungry or alone. It's hard for me to work in a health care situation where only SICK girls come to me. This creates an unrealistic view of Daughter's. This narrow tunnel of vision makes me think nothing good is happening. But it is! Amazing changes are occurring in the lives of these girls. Long term changes, that affect their children, their husbands and themselves. So...when you hear me speak of the sadness....know that there is happiness too! Lot's of it!
Like yesterday; I was so happy when three pregnant wonders knocked on my clinic door b/c they were worried about their friend. She was experiencing some false labor pains yesterday and her friends wanted me to ask Ruth, our boss, if she could give out her pay before payday to pay for the delivery! I was so happy that they were coming to me! They obviously cared about their friend AND felt empowered enough to come on her behalf!!! It meant the world to me to sit in a circle with these women and see them care and advocate on their friends behalf!!
I guess I'm learning that sad stuff happens, but that slowly but surely change is coming...
I asked God today how He copes with this stuff. How does He make sense of the awful stories of pain? How does He muddle through or make sense of the pain when I only see one girl and He sees the entire world?
These past 2 weeks have been riddled with TRAGIC happenings. I had a girl come to me last week with major domestic violence injuries. Her husband bit her...yes, bit her with his teeth. It was so awful to sit there and assess her wounds and realize that he did this with his teeth! Her fingers, her wrists, her nose, her lips...bruised and cut by his teeth.
So...what did I do? Well, we jumped in a tuk tuk and went to a couple NGO's that deal with domestic violence and women's empowerment. They advised her to go to the police. So we did. And it was the most depressing and maddening thing ever! They pretty much laughed at the girl with her bruises and black eyes. They made her feel small and belittled the abuse. About 4 men stood around us as we sat in plastic chairs in a room with spider webs, cockroaches and dusty tables. They stood around and stared us down. I felt so small and insignificant. One police officer came up to me and with crossed arms, asked me how old i was. Um?! What?!! I wanted to burst into tears and run away. But I was so angry at him that i answered in Khmer and stared him down with no smile, no tears....I didn't want to give him the power...i couldn't let him see me cry.
The abused girl is now living with her sister and comes to work everyday. Her bruises are fading and her smile comes more often. I'm so glad she's ok...
This week we found out a little girl that regularily comes to the center, approximently 12 years old, was almost raped by her father. She now lives in our night shelter and is going through counselling at Licadho, the NGO that helped us with the other girl.
Then E. and I were awoken in our sleep at 3:30 am by the sounds of fighting outside our house. A man was kicking and punching a girl. She was screaming...we woke to her cries. The man ran off on his motto and left her in a pile on the ground. I wanted to run to her to grab her and bring her to my bed...but E. stopped me. I need to be careful and others were there to help her...
It's sometimes difficult for me to see not only the one girl out of the 60 who is hurt, lost, hungry or alone. It's hard for me to work in a health care situation where only SICK girls come to me. This creates an unrealistic view of Daughter's. This narrow tunnel of vision makes me think nothing good is happening. But it is! Amazing changes are occurring in the lives of these girls. Long term changes, that affect their children, their husbands and themselves. So...when you hear me speak of the sadness....know that there is happiness too! Lot's of it!
Like yesterday; I was so happy when three pregnant wonders knocked on my clinic door b/c they were worried about their friend. She was experiencing some false labor pains yesterday and her friends wanted me to ask Ruth, our boss, if she could give out her pay before payday to pay for the delivery! I was so happy that they were coming to me! They obviously cared about their friend AND felt empowered enough to come on her behalf!!! It meant the world to me to sit in a circle with these women and see them care and advocate on their friends behalf!!
I guess I'm learning that sad stuff happens, but that slowly but surely change is coming...
I asked God today how He copes with this stuff. How does He make sense of the awful stories of pain? How does He muddle through or make sense of the pain when I only see one girl and He sees the entire world?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tears of the Saints
The Way of Love
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJjg1Joag_0Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy Birthday Eileen!
Today is Eileen's birthday. This past Saturday Charlotte, Eileen and myself went to Hotel Le Royale. This is a picture from outside the hotel. It was very fancy!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
MIA
Hey, just wanted to quickly say that I've been missing in action as of late and apparently people have been worried....
no need!!
My close Khmer friend here in Cambodia has been having a rough time related to his father suffering from an aneurysm in his brain. His father had the aneurysm on February 1st and recently died on March 1st. I was able to be there for the family and offer my medical advice and comfort to the mother and to my friend.
I am learning so much about Buddhist culture as the funeral and such are Buddhist. It is scary to me. The differences. The fear. The lack of hope that the family feels. It is a 100 day mourning period and yesterday morning the father's body was burned at the pagoda/Wat.
It was very sad and distressing seeing how the family watched his body burning....I love my friend so much and I see him as a brother...which makes it more hard for me to see him losing his father at the age of 21 years.
I have had many people die that were close to me or close to someone I know, in the past 3 weeks. A man who farmed near our farm in Manitoba died of Cancer, my close friend's mother died also of cancer in B.C., now my Khmer friend's father died of an aneurysm and just yesterday one of my patients who was 4 months pregnant with twins lost her babies....
I am exhausted.
no need!!
My close Khmer friend here in Cambodia has been having a rough time related to his father suffering from an aneurysm in his brain. His father had the aneurysm on February 1st and recently died on March 1st. I was able to be there for the family and offer my medical advice and comfort to the mother and to my friend.
I am learning so much about Buddhist culture as the funeral and such are Buddhist. It is scary to me. The differences. The fear. The lack of hope that the family feels. It is a 100 day mourning period and yesterday morning the father's body was burned at the pagoda/Wat.
It was very sad and distressing seeing how the family watched his body burning....I love my friend so much and I see him as a brother...which makes it more hard for me to see him losing his father at the age of 21 years.
I have had many people die that were close to me or close to someone I know, in the past 3 weeks. A man who farmed near our farm in Manitoba died of Cancer, my close friend's mother died also of cancer in B.C., now my Khmer friend's father died of an aneurysm and just yesterday one of my patients who was 4 months pregnant with twins lost her babies....
I am exhausted.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Made from Dust
I've been thinking a lot lately about the "Better-then-you" fight that we all seem to be in. The "I'm prettier- fitter- taller- leaner- brighter- smarter- and more 'better' then you" fight.
I know I'm guilty of this mentality. The idea that I have to beat someone else and the constant comparing and judging that we have to do in order to decide who's better.
I think this fight has trickled into the church. The need to have our skirts always ironed, our Bibles always ready, our "Amen's" proudly audible. We've become addicted to perfection. And this places our worth in our ability to quote the scriptures eloquently, to win at a game of Bible pursuit, to know who Mephibosheth is and if we don't...then we soon should! We think we're the only ones wrestling to stay afloat. And honesty is thrown out the window.
The opposite then occurs: our hate for the sick, the ugly, the incapable, the smelly, the "un-saved" or the...sinner.
Yet Jesus never fed into any of this. He went against the grains of humanity and found solace in the house of the tax collectors, drank water from the wells of prostitutes, friendship with the poor fishermen. He didn't sit and entertain kings or prance around in lively colored gowns. He loved. He loved the ones no one dared look at.
He whispers that kind of love still today and reaches out His arms to the
wounded, blind, sick, marginalized, dirty, deformed, homosexual, AIDS victims, pro-choice, sexually perverse, wicked, slow, despicable, addicted, uneducated, liberal, communist, dark skinned, jailed, ugly and sinful...
Why is it we feel uncomfortable with these kinds of people? Where did this mentality begin that "we're different/better" from them? And most importantly, where the idea come from that these people aren't the ones that we should welcome into our churches? Since when are we ever better then anyone else?
Jesus calls us to let go of our judgement stones and forgive them. To realize that grace is for all. The scale is equal.
John Stott- an interpretation of Matthew 25 by a homeless women:
I was hungry and you formed a humanities group to discuss my hunger.
I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your church and prayed for my release.
I was naked and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance.
I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for your health.
I was homeless and you preached to me of the spiritual shelter of the love of God.
I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.
You seem so holy, so close to God,
but I am still very hungry - and lonely - and cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't worry...
God remembers we are made from dust; That we make constant mistakes.
He remembers and yet still believes that the greatest among His loves is us.
I know I'm guilty of this mentality. The idea that I have to beat someone else and the constant comparing and judging that we have to do in order to decide who's better.
I think this fight has trickled into the church. The need to have our skirts always ironed, our Bibles always ready, our "Amen's" proudly audible. We've become addicted to perfection. And this places our worth in our ability to quote the scriptures eloquently, to win at a game of Bible pursuit, to know who Mephibosheth is and if we don't...then we soon should! We think we're the only ones wrestling to stay afloat. And honesty is thrown out the window.
The opposite then occurs: our hate for the sick, the ugly, the incapable, the smelly, the "un-saved" or the...sinner.
Yet Jesus never fed into any of this. He went against the grains of humanity and found solace in the house of the tax collectors, drank water from the wells of prostitutes, friendship with the poor fishermen. He didn't sit and entertain kings or prance around in lively colored gowns. He loved. He loved the ones no one dared look at.
He whispers that kind of love still today and reaches out His arms to the
wounded, blind, sick, marginalized, dirty, deformed, homosexual, AIDS victims, pro-choice, sexually perverse, wicked, slow, despicable, addicted, uneducated, liberal, communist, dark skinned, jailed, ugly and sinful...
Why is it we feel uncomfortable with these kinds of people? Where did this mentality begin that "we're different/better" from them? And most importantly, where the idea come from that these people aren't the ones that we should welcome into our churches? Since when are we ever better then anyone else?
Jesus calls us to let go of our judgement stones and forgive them. To realize that grace is for all. The scale is equal.
John Stott- an interpretation of Matthew 25 by a homeless women:
I was hungry and you formed a humanities group to discuss my hunger.
I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your church and prayed for my release.
I was naked and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance.
I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for your health.
I was homeless and you preached to me of the spiritual shelter of the love of God.
I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.
You seem so holy, so close to God,
but I am still very hungry - and lonely - and cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't worry...
God remembers we are made from dust; That we make constant mistakes.
He remembers and yet still believes that the greatest among His loves is us.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." (Lao-Tzu)
Does the compassionate life not demand that we be present to those who suffer; does it not require that we enter into solidarity with the poor, oppressed, and downtrodden; does it not motivate us both to move into the thick of life and to experience the hardships of existence in solidarity with the outcasts?- Henri Nouwen,
Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life
I am seeking to be such an individual who is entirely loving so as others see me as a person to confide in and not hide from.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Frisco 3
This week I was able to access 48 cans of powder baby formula for ages 1-3 years!!
This has come at such a pivotal time as many of my "younger/cuter" clients have been ill with diarrhea due to their diet of rice water.
I ventured across the city in a tuk tuk with Dinet and Nancy, the older nurse volunteer to an NGO called RiverKids. They work with street kids who live along the river (as the name implies) and provide free schooling, showers, lice treatment, meals and vocational training). Daughters partners with the group Chab Dai (sp?) which works with sexually exploited or at risk children and women. RiverKids were donated 1000's of dollars in baby formula this month that will expire by March 1, 2009. They emailed all the Chab Dai partners to offer us our own bit of this amazing donation!!
We rushed the 48 cans home and treated them like gold. I quickly emptied the boxes and made a pyramid of the cans on my clinic desk. The pic is of my translator, Dinet, and I trying to decide a way to give them out to our mothers who work with us without causing a stampede or fist fight. I looked through the girls charts and wrote down every girl who had a child between the ages of 6 months to 3 years. 17 girls!!!
I called the girls down and filed them into my hallway just outside the clinic. I hushed them all and began to tell them that something exciting has just happened. Their conversations halted and all their eyes were on me. I told them that on the other side of the door was a gift for all of them that would give a healthier future to their children. I told them that we all had to be very respectful and quiet. I reminded some of them of their requests for formula this week and also of many of their sick children. I told them that we had received a donation of 48 cans of formula for them to use for their children.
I informed them that even though some of them had more then one child between the specified ages that they would only receive one can like the rest who have only one child. I informed them that if they finish their can that they need to return with the empty can in order to receive another can. I also very seriously (!) told them that this formula was in no way to be sold or bartered. That they needed to know how wonderful this was for their child's health. And if I found out that one of them had sold their can that I would be very sad and disappointed. (great way to lay on the guilt, huh?)
Oh was there ever a party in the clinic that afternoon. Pictures, hugs, smiles, songs and babies flew around the room!!
It was one of the happiest days of my life!
This being said, i am very hesitant to hand out formula unless a donation has come in. It promotes mothers to stop breastfeeding and also creates an unhealthy relationship with me and causes dependency to remain the number one problem in the clinic. I pray that these cans will give their children a head start (or a catch up) and i hope that i will find ways and strength to explain i can't keep giving...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Gentler Sex
Every minute 1 woman dies from a problem related to pregnancy.
Every year 75,000 women die from unsafe abortions.
Two thirds of the women around the world are poor.
That oughta get your attention!!
Women's Health:
Sure I'm a woman, I guess, but it's completely different to be in charge of 50-75 women's health. It's been my life for the past 7 months! I'm learning things about what these girls, these women, are faced with every day. The clinic received a textbook/book from a YWAM group called, "Where Women Have No Doctor." I've been reading it like mad this past week. This is what I've learned:
I'm into health education. I see and know how powerful and mighty it is.
Education equals changes, and change equal life!
I don't want to just pass these girls a fish, I want to teach them how to fish. I can't keep giving out medications...i want them to know how to prevent the headache, diarrhea, sore teeth, etc. from happening in the first place.
I've completely revamped the clinic schedule!! (On top of the fact that I need to focus more on sustainability, the fact that the clinic's funding has been pulled from our funder is another major reason why I have to cut down my clinic hours. 150.00/mth is what it takes to run it, and we don't even have that...)
Monday: Nancy (my older nurse partner) will take charge of the pregnant and post-natal clients of mine. Educating them and sharing with them knowledge such as: importance of breastfeeding, exercise, diet and rest. etc.
Tuesday/thursday: Completely devoted to Education days
Wednesday/Friday: full day clinic days
I'm dreaming big! I'm going upstream! I'm looking at the root problems. I'm asking the "But Why?" questions.
Such as, okay, Sexually Transmitted Infections are rampant. Why? Becaue their men are infecting them. But Why? Because their men refuse to wear condoms. But why? Because they don't know/don't give a rat's ass about the transmission of these infections. Okay: there it is; education!
That's my rant for today. Oh and the woman who I spoke of who is pregnant has just told me today that her son has TB...pray....please.
Her mother has agreed to work at the trash dump to collect recyclables to bring in an income. For every kg of recycling she finds she will get 300 riehls...less then 10 cents. Honestly? Really? Honestly? Sometimes all I can do is shake my head...and right now that's exactly what i'm doing.
Every year 75,000 women die from unsafe abortions.
Two thirds of the women around the world are poor.
That oughta get your attention!!
Women's Health:
Sure I'm a woman, I guess, but it's completely different to be in charge of 50-75 women's health. It's been my life for the past 7 months! I'm learning things about what these girls, these women, are faced with every day. The clinic received a textbook/book from a YWAM group called, "Where Women Have No Doctor." I've been reading it like mad this past week. This is what I've learned:
- Women are more likely then men to be poor and often among the poorest of the poor.
- Millions of women are caught in a cycle of poverty even before birth.
- In poor families girls get less food then boys, therefore stunting their growth.
- Exhaustion, poor nutrition, lack of good care during pregnancy puts them at risk for poor health.
- Poverty forces her into relationships where she depends on men to survive. For fear of losing his economic support, she withstands unsafe sex and violence.
- She has low status which affects how she is treated, how she values herself, what she's allowed to do, and the kinds of decisions she's allowed to make. Therefore she's denied simply b/c she's a woman.
I'm into health education. I see and know how powerful and mighty it is.
Education equals changes, and change equal life!
I don't want to just pass these girls a fish, I want to teach them how to fish. I can't keep giving out medications...i want them to know how to prevent the headache, diarrhea, sore teeth, etc. from happening in the first place.
I've completely revamped the clinic schedule!! (On top of the fact that I need to focus more on sustainability, the fact that the clinic's funding has been pulled from our funder is another major reason why I have to cut down my clinic hours. 150.00/mth is what it takes to run it, and we don't even have that...)
Monday: Nancy (my older nurse partner) will take charge of the pregnant and post-natal clients of mine. Educating them and sharing with them knowledge such as: importance of breastfeeding, exercise, diet and rest. etc.
Tuesday/thursday: Completely devoted to Education days
Wednesday/Friday: full day clinic days
I'm dreaming big! I'm going upstream! I'm looking at the root problems. I'm asking the "But Why?" questions.
Such as, okay, Sexually Transmitted Infections are rampant. Why? Becaue their men are infecting them. But Why? Because their men refuse to wear condoms. But why? Because they don't know/don't give a rat's ass about the transmission of these infections. Okay: there it is; education!
That's my rant for today. Oh and the woman who I spoke of who is pregnant has just told me today that her son has TB...pray....please.
Her mother has agreed to work at the trash dump to collect recyclables to bring in an income. For every kg of recycling she finds she will get 300 riehls...less then 10 cents. Honestly? Really? Honestly? Sometimes all I can do is shake my head...and right now that's exactly what i'm doing.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Life...
I've had a very busy week and it's not even Friday yet!
A couple from Toronto came to Phnom Penh this week with their organization (i seem to not recall the correct name at this time) called Health Ministry International (?). Ken Gamble is a doctor and his wife Linda is a nurse. (They look and act like Aunty Wilma and Uncle Ken. Ken is maybe a bit less animated then uncle ken but Linda looks like aunty wilma and acts like her too. And is just as encouraging!! She even cries easy like Aunty Wilma!!) They've worked in remote areas in Africa and Pakistan and have a heart for assisting missionaries that are out and about in their environments. They came to PP to do just that; to minister to the ones ministering! And guess what? I was on their list of VIP to see!!!
I went with them to the CSI hospital to have a "chat" with the doctor(s) about the health challenges in Cambodia. I found it overwhelming and also encouraging. I missed talking with other health professionals. Hearing the health jargon, discussing the issues I face as well and to be in, what felt like, a REAL hospital!! A pharmacist, a nurse, a physiotherapist and all those other people that make our lives as a health professional easier. ie. Team partners.
I realized then how alone I am. And it allowed me to take a deep breath and pat myself on the back...because i finally saw why i feel tired and exhausted. And why I feel overwhelmed...I don't have anyone to partner with. Ruthie is gone. And I bless her journey, but that leaves me without a vent system.
I do need to tell you all that I have a "helper nurse"with me now. She is older. I'm not sure exactly how old. But she graduated in 1965 from Nursing and had a family shortly after and left the health industry until....now! So...it's been a bit different to get used to me teaching the new fish. And it's a lot more tiring then Ruthie let on when I first came. I am still unsure where she's going to fit in the clinic b/c of her lack of up to date skills or abilities. I am trying to have patience...
Today was one of those days as a nurse where your wall of "professional compassion" for some reason crumbles and you just can't help but break down emotionally and be affected deeply by their story. I keep an emotionally healthy wall up so that I don't break down emotionally with everyone...but sometimes they get around that wall...
It was the usual story: mother of 2 young ones. She's aged 24. Lives with her mother and sister and is the main financial support. She's pregnant again by a man that she thought would stick around to help her out financially but he has gone. She shared with me that she doesn't eat some days b/c they have no food, no money. She sacrifices for her children. She sacrifices her food.
I've seen her around a lot. She looks spaced out all the time. I thought it might be drugs but I think it's sheer exhaustion. She told me about how she wanted to breast feed with each pregnancy but her milk only came for 1 month. I think b/c of her lack of nutrients from food, she is unable to provide a milk supply. Her body just doesn't have anything else to give.
I sat there. Stunned. Emotionally spent. My shoulders slumped down, my eyes fell to the floor, i let out a sigh...
I gave her multivitamins, calcium/vit D, and iron. I told her the importance of eating healthy but it came down to the money. There just wasn't any. Her sister lent some money to a friend and when her friend had no money to pay her back, she ran away. Now her sister is left with her friend's debts. And because my client financially supports her sister, she is paying for the debt of her sister's friend...200 dollars!!! When you don't even have 10 cents to rub together, 200 dollars seems like 200 000 dollars!!
What could I do?!!
In the Bible it says, "This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." (The Message)
I would do anything for this girl. I wanted to so badly switch places with her. I would put my life on the line for her...I loved her so much it ached inside.
What could I do?!!
Nothing. I could do nothing but pray. I knew that she's given a great salary with short hours here at Daughter's. Just like the other girls, she has to take what we CAN give and make of it something useful for her future. She has to be proactive in her life. She has an awesome opportunity working with us at Daughter's. She isn't alone. She has a way. We just need to point her in that direction.
I tried to be very professional and say the right words at first. My translator spoke every word I said in Khmer to her. I tried to keep it together but I couldn't. I spoke one word; "Lord." And the tears started coming. My nose started running. And I felt a need to be transparent. As I cried to the God of the heavens, as I knelt on my knees beside this poor pregnant soul, as I felt the weight of her struggles physically on my own shoulders, as I felt unworthy to even be the one requesting these miracles; I didn't care. I just lifted my prayers to Him. Because I had no one else to turn to.
I told God that I didn't know what to do. I cried for a miracle. For the jars of rice to be plentiful. For each kernel to be stretched. Like the jars of oil in the bible...I prayed that the food she would eat to be blessed so that that small amount would nourish her...
As I struggled through a cracked and weak voice, I heard her sniffles beginning. She saw my pain and she knew that I was crying b/c I was affected by her pain, I had heard her and I was standing with her. I was standing in Solidarity. I was her friend. I knew her struggles. She was not alone.
I would ask that you hold this beautiful woman in prayer with me. Her children are 9 months and 2 years and she is due in August. Pray for God's hand in her life. Pray that she would see that her only hope is God her Father.
Thank the Lord for a center and NGO like Daughter's of Cambodia!! They provide a salary, a clean and safe place to work with staff who are loving and understanding. They provide free daycare for their children and offer a housing space for anyone who really needs it next door in the shelter. Also they are allowed free counseling and health care. Numerous workshops are put on to educate the girls re: budgeting, health, love, forgiveness, and hope in Jesus Christ. Without this place of work they would be destitute. It's easy to see this woman's story and think all is lost...but it's not. She's entering into a phase in her life that offers a way out. I can't wait to see what working at Daughter's will do for her future!! There is amazing opportunities and I will continue to encourage her to take advantage of them!
A couple from Toronto came to Phnom Penh this week with their organization (i seem to not recall the correct name at this time) called Health Ministry International (?). Ken Gamble is a doctor and his wife Linda is a nurse. (They look and act like Aunty Wilma and Uncle Ken. Ken is maybe a bit less animated then uncle ken but Linda looks like aunty wilma and acts like her too. And is just as encouraging!! She even cries easy like Aunty Wilma!!) They've worked in remote areas in Africa and Pakistan and have a heart for assisting missionaries that are out and about in their environments. They came to PP to do just that; to minister to the ones ministering! And guess what? I was on their list of VIP to see!!!
I went with them to the CSI hospital to have a "chat" with the doctor(s) about the health challenges in Cambodia. I found it overwhelming and also encouraging. I missed talking with other health professionals. Hearing the health jargon, discussing the issues I face as well and to be in, what felt like, a REAL hospital!! A pharmacist, a nurse, a physiotherapist and all those other people that make our lives as a health professional easier. ie. Team partners.
I realized then how alone I am. And it allowed me to take a deep breath and pat myself on the back...because i finally saw why i feel tired and exhausted. And why I feel overwhelmed...I don't have anyone to partner with. Ruthie is gone. And I bless her journey, but that leaves me without a vent system.
I do need to tell you all that I have a "helper nurse"with me now. She is older. I'm not sure exactly how old. But she graduated in 1965 from Nursing and had a family shortly after and left the health industry until....now! So...it's been a bit different to get used to me teaching the new fish. And it's a lot more tiring then Ruthie let on when I first came. I am still unsure where she's going to fit in the clinic b/c of her lack of up to date skills or abilities. I am trying to have patience...
Today was one of those days as a nurse where your wall of "professional compassion" for some reason crumbles and you just can't help but break down emotionally and be affected deeply by their story. I keep an emotionally healthy wall up so that I don't break down emotionally with everyone...but sometimes they get around that wall...
It was the usual story: mother of 2 young ones. She's aged 24. Lives with her mother and sister and is the main financial support. She's pregnant again by a man that she thought would stick around to help her out financially but he has gone. She shared with me that she doesn't eat some days b/c they have no food, no money. She sacrifices for her children. She sacrifices her food.
I've seen her around a lot. She looks spaced out all the time. I thought it might be drugs but I think it's sheer exhaustion. She told me about how she wanted to breast feed with each pregnancy but her milk only came for 1 month. I think b/c of her lack of nutrients from food, she is unable to provide a milk supply. Her body just doesn't have anything else to give.
I sat there. Stunned. Emotionally spent. My shoulders slumped down, my eyes fell to the floor, i let out a sigh...
I gave her multivitamins, calcium/vit D, and iron. I told her the importance of eating healthy but it came down to the money. There just wasn't any. Her sister lent some money to a friend and when her friend had no money to pay her back, she ran away. Now her sister is left with her friend's debts. And because my client financially supports her sister, she is paying for the debt of her sister's friend...200 dollars!!! When you don't even have 10 cents to rub together, 200 dollars seems like 200 000 dollars!!
What could I do?!!
In the Bible it says, "This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." (The Message)
I would do anything for this girl. I wanted to so badly switch places with her. I would put my life on the line for her...I loved her so much it ached inside.
What could I do?!!
Nothing. I could do nothing but pray. I knew that she's given a great salary with short hours here at Daughter's. Just like the other girls, she has to take what we CAN give and make of it something useful for her future. She has to be proactive in her life. She has an awesome opportunity working with us at Daughter's. She isn't alone. She has a way. We just need to point her in that direction.
I tried to be very professional and say the right words at first. My translator spoke every word I said in Khmer to her. I tried to keep it together but I couldn't. I spoke one word; "Lord." And the tears started coming. My nose started running. And I felt a need to be transparent. As I cried to the God of the heavens, as I knelt on my knees beside this poor pregnant soul, as I felt the weight of her struggles physically on my own shoulders, as I felt unworthy to even be the one requesting these miracles; I didn't care. I just lifted my prayers to Him. Because I had no one else to turn to.
I told God that I didn't know what to do. I cried for a miracle. For the jars of rice to be plentiful. For each kernel to be stretched. Like the jars of oil in the bible...I prayed that the food she would eat to be blessed so that that small amount would nourish her...
As I struggled through a cracked and weak voice, I heard her sniffles beginning. She saw my pain and she knew that I was crying b/c I was affected by her pain, I had heard her and I was standing with her. I was standing in Solidarity. I was her friend. I knew her struggles. She was not alone.
I would ask that you hold this beautiful woman in prayer with me. Her children are 9 months and 2 years and she is due in August. Pray for God's hand in her life. Pray that she would see that her only hope is God her Father.
Thank the Lord for a center and NGO like Daughter's of Cambodia!! They provide a salary, a clean and safe place to work with staff who are loving and understanding. They provide free daycare for their children and offer a housing space for anyone who really needs it next door in the shelter. Also they are allowed free counseling and health care. Numerous workshops are put on to educate the girls re: budgeting, health, love, forgiveness, and hope in Jesus Christ. Without this place of work they would be destitute. It's easy to see this woman's story and think all is lost...but it's not. She's entering into a phase in her life that offers a way out. I can't wait to see what working at Daughter's will do for her future!! There is amazing opportunities and I will continue to encourage her to take advantage of them!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Gratefulness!
It's baby season! I swear! It's like as soon as we hit December the babies started popping!
We've had 4 babies born since December. Three beautiful girls and one precious boy! I just took two more girls to RHAC (reproductive health association of Cambodia, run by USAid) health clinic to have an ultrasound yesterday! Ratanak has been funding the births as well as vitamins/supplements and one ultrasound for each girl. I am so thankful.
It's a magical gift to shower attention and concern onto these mothers who have known none of this before. They are treated with respect and get to see and hear about their baby. They are given a 3-D picture of their little miracle to take home. I feel as if this in itself is showing them and proving to them that even though they can't see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands their children, that their little babies are real. I pray that their husbands will be inspired as well to care for their wives better after hearing and seeing their baby!
We have one girl who is HIV positive and pregnant. She is due next. She may be the cutest woman I've ever seen. She's very young and her belly is SO big! I always come and talk to her tummy and ask it how it's doing in khmer. The mother laughs and thinks I'm quite strange. I have a cousin back in Winnipeg; Lisa-Joy. She is due the exact same day as this precious girl. So when I see this girl grow and complain about her giant belly; i like to think of my cousin. It's kindof a nice gift to have this visual reminder of my cousin. I need you all to pray for this gorgeous girl. I have got her connected to a hospital here that will pay for her birth and give free antiviral meds to her baby as soon as it is born. The baby needs to be delivered in a special hospital and this hospital has agreed to pay for it. They are even willing to take the baby for 6 months to care and nurture it through the time that is most crucial for a child born of a HIV positive mother. Pray that God's hand would be in the baby as it is being delivered and that a miracle would happen; that it would not contract the virus.
I just received an email from a stranger that has without knowing it inspired me with their words. I thank God for the amazing people keeping me in prayer. This particular angel sent me a quote which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this particular time. I had been struggling with not doing enough. Not doing big enough things or curing enough or not meeting the girls expectations of a nurse. Oh dear! Will I ever learn that I am NOT enough but He is more then enough for me and all of Cambodia!?
Here's the quote: "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. It is the intensity of the love we put into our gestures that make them something beautiful for God. Intense love does not measure it just gives."
Thank you. Thank you also to my dear friend who called me yesterday and renewed my vision in Christ. I love you.
We've had 4 babies born since December. Three beautiful girls and one precious boy! I just took two more girls to RHAC (reproductive health association of Cambodia, run by USAid) health clinic to have an ultrasound yesterday! Ratanak has been funding the births as well as vitamins/supplements and one ultrasound for each girl. I am so thankful.
It's a magical gift to shower attention and concern onto these mothers who have known none of this before. They are treated with respect and get to see and hear about their baby. They are given a 3-D picture of their little miracle to take home. I feel as if this in itself is showing them and proving to them that even though they can't see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands their children, that their little babies are real. I pray that their husbands will be inspired as well to care for their wives better after hearing and seeing their baby!
We have one girl who is HIV positive and pregnant. She is due next. She may be the cutest woman I've ever seen. She's very young and her belly is SO big! I always come and talk to her tummy and ask it how it's doing in khmer. The mother laughs and thinks I'm quite strange. I have a cousin back in Winnipeg; Lisa-Joy. She is due the exact same day as this precious girl. So when I see this girl grow and complain about her giant belly; i like to think of my cousin. It's kindof a nice gift to have this visual reminder of my cousin. I need you all to pray for this gorgeous girl. I have got her connected to a hospital here that will pay for her birth and give free antiviral meds to her baby as soon as it is born. The baby needs to be delivered in a special hospital and this hospital has agreed to pay for it. They are even willing to take the baby for 6 months to care and nurture it through the time that is most crucial for a child born of a HIV positive mother. Pray that God's hand would be in the baby as it is being delivered and that a miracle would happen; that it would not contract the virus.
I just received an email from a stranger that has without knowing it inspired me with their words. I thank God for the amazing people keeping me in prayer. This particular angel sent me a quote which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this particular time. I had been struggling with not doing enough. Not doing big enough things or curing enough or not meeting the girls expectations of a nurse. Oh dear! Will I ever learn that I am NOT enough but He is more then enough for me and all of Cambodia!?
Here's the quote: "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. It is the intensity of the love we put into our gestures that make them something beautiful for God. Intense love does not measure it just gives."
Thank you. Thank you also to my dear friend who called me yesterday and renewed my vision in Christ. I love you.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Back in the saddle?!
Yesterday was my first real day back after the holidays and the YWAM team.
I was exhausted when I got home. 17 patients!! Amazing! All of those feelings and struggles and questions re-flooded my mind. Questions like: what impact have i had? Have I even dented the situation?
I am a person that sees the big picture. We're always told; "look at the big picture" or, "step back and take it in". BUT I CAN'T HERE!!
The Big Picture is out of my control. It's got too many little pictures of despair and struggles that when I even toy with the idea of looking at it's entirety then I melt into a puddle on the street. It takes all of my energy to just look at one girl at a time. To look at one area of health at a time. To have one goal at a time.
Not only do I love to look at the big picture but I am also a person that wants to SAVE THE WORLD! Yep. I am. I admit. And so I have this tendency to want to sink my nails into things. To want to control. To want to give and give and give and give. And when nothings coming back to fill me up....I "melt into a puddle on the street!" I recently had, i guess you could say, a bout of exhaustion. I learned of God's amazing grace. To be easy on myself....because?: I AM HUMAN! Wow. I feel quite silly to think that that was my lesson. Obviously I'm human! duh! But when all you see when you look around is need, and all you want to do is give, then the combo becomes deadly.....
So...I guess I'm being easy on myself. I'm praying now that God would give me a clear direction to go in. What area should I focus on? Should I focus on getting all the children vaccinated? Or all the girls tetanus shots done? Or should I teach some education classes on basic hygiene or the importance of wearing shoes/sandals? Should I get all of their eyes tested? Or should I just simply get them all HIV tested? Should I gather all the preggy ladies and do a lesson on self care and baby care? AHHHH.....there's a lot. And I want to do it all. But I just can't...
I had a revelation come to me yesterday. It was simply that "I need." I need just as much as these Daughter's need. Just as much as they need love and encouragement. I need that as well. I am the same. They are my peers. They are my sisters. I am not above or below them. They are not beyond my reach. And I am not beyond theirs. We are human and we are sinners and we are loved despite that.
I am humbled that even though I am the same age as them, that I sin just like them, that I am lost without God, just like them...that God somehow sent ME here.
And I think I know what He wants me to do.
He wants me to show them;
that I am just like them.
Amen.
I was exhausted when I got home. 17 patients!! Amazing! All of those feelings and struggles and questions re-flooded my mind. Questions like: what impact have i had? Have I even dented the situation?
I am a person that sees the big picture. We're always told; "look at the big picture" or, "step back and take it in". BUT I CAN'T HERE!!
The Big Picture is out of my control. It's got too many little pictures of despair and struggles that when I even toy with the idea of looking at it's entirety then I melt into a puddle on the street. It takes all of my energy to just look at one girl at a time. To look at one area of health at a time. To have one goal at a time.
Not only do I love to look at the big picture but I am also a person that wants to SAVE THE WORLD! Yep. I am. I admit. And so I have this tendency to want to sink my nails into things. To want to control. To want to give and give and give and give. And when nothings coming back to fill me up....I "melt into a puddle on the street!" I recently had, i guess you could say, a bout of exhaustion. I learned of God's amazing grace. To be easy on myself....because?: I AM HUMAN! Wow. I feel quite silly to think that that was my lesson. Obviously I'm human! duh! But when all you see when you look around is need, and all you want to do is give, then the combo becomes deadly.....
So...I guess I'm being easy on myself. I'm praying now that God would give me a clear direction to go in. What area should I focus on? Should I focus on getting all the children vaccinated? Or all the girls tetanus shots done? Or should I teach some education classes on basic hygiene or the importance of wearing shoes/sandals? Should I get all of their eyes tested? Or should I just simply get them all HIV tested? Should I gather all the preggy ladies and do a lesson on self care and baby care? AHHHH.....there's a lot. And I want to do it all. But I just can't...
I had a revelation come to me yesterday. It was simply that "I need." I need just as much as these Daughter's need. Just as much as they need love and encouragement. I need that as well. I am the same. They are my peers. They are my sisters. I am not above or below them. They are not beyond my reach. And I am not beyond theirs. We are human and we are sinners and we are loved despite that.
I am humbled that even though I am the same age as them, that I sin just like them, that I am lost without God, just like them...that God somehow sent ME here.
And I think I know what He wants me to do.
He wants me to show them;
that I am just like them.
Amen.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Blogging time again?
Happy New Year!
wow. Things I still can't believe:
1. I'm in Cambodia, S.E. Asia!? What!
2. It's January!? What!
3. We just had Christmas!? What!
4. It's 2009!? What!
Honestly. I still can't believe it to be true until I get back to Winnipeg and I see the '09 sticker pasted on my Dynasty's license plate!!! Seriously.
Okay. Yes. It's been a while. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more. Although, right now, to me, that sounds pretty lame. My life is a bit weird. So i guess that makes it a good blog!?
New Year's: It poured on Phnom Penh all night. So after we got stuck in the traffic and the rain didn't let up, we just went home. Some friend's from church came over and we (very un-celebratorily) had the count down at home. After we pulled ourselves away from the dry apartment, we went to a Chinese restaurant where E. drank 2 Red Bulls! and I had 2 SourSop's (it's a fruit drink. and it's sour. as you would assume. yes.). Then we jumped on our mottos and headed down around the airport to a "sister church" of ours and we had a DANCE PARTY!! So...there was a bit of Khmer music but then the J.T. and the T.I. came out and we had loads of fun! We got home at 5 am...and slept the next day away!! obv!
Work: well, the YWAM team has left us so it's back to normal now. i had my first normal day today. it was strange to sit in my chair and ask the usual questions and do the usual things. it's been a month since i last worked in the clinic. And i got a bit scared cause it's coming to the time when Ruthie will leave me! I'm apprensive and also excited. what a challenge?!
Random News: E. and her sister and I were in a photo shoot this afternoon at hotel Cambodiana!
It has to do with promoting tourism to Cambodia. We had to sit at this small round table on the sand, facing the Mekong River. We sat and had cocktails and got filmed doing it! It was really fun! ....nurse...aunty....actress? Sounds good to me!
wow. Things I still can't believe:
1. I'm in Cambodia, S.E. Asia!? What!
2. It's January!? What!
3. We just had Christmas!? What!
4. It's 2009!? What!
Honestly. I still can't believe it to be true until I get back to Winnipeg and I see the '09 sticker pasted on my Dynasty's license plate!!! Seriously.
Okay. Yes. It's been a while. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more. Although, right now, to me, that sounds pretty lame. My life is a bit weird. So i guess that makes it a good blog!?
New Year's: It poured on Phnom Penh all night. So after we got stuck in the traffic and the rain didn't let up, we just went home. Some friend's from church came over and we (very un-celebratorily) had the count down at home. After we pulled ourselves away from the dry apartment, we went to a Chinese restaurant where E. drank 2 Red Bulls! and I had 2 SourSop's (it's a fruit drink. and it's sour. as you would assume. yes.). Then we jumped on our mottos and headed down around the airport to a "sister church" of ours and we had a DANCE PARTY!! So...there was a bit of Khmer music but then the J.T. and the T.I. came out and we had loads of fun! We got home at 5 am...and slept the next day away!! obv!
Work: well, the YWAM team has left us so it's back to normal now. i had my first normal day today. it was strange to sit in my chair and ask the usual questions and do the usual things. it's been a month since i last worked in the clinic. And i got a bit scared cause it's coming to the time when Ruthie will leave me! I'm apprensive and also excited. what a challenge?!
Random News: E. and her sister and I were in a photo shoot this afternoon at hotel Cambodiana!
It has to do with promoting tourism to Cambodia. We had to sit at this small round table on the sand, facing the Mekong River. We sat and had cocktails and got filmed doing it! It was really fun! ....nurse...aunty....actress? Sounds good to me!
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