Ponder Ponder Ponder Ponder...

Ahhh....!
Sometimes I just feel like I am going to explode! Today our three month anniversary of being in Cambodia. And it feels like it's been longer and at the same time I just am floored to think that it's been three months already!! Ahhh!

I thought that by this time I would have everything figured out. You know; the poverty bit, or the cultural shocks, or knowing where I fit, or, well...I don't know. But...tah ta da dah! I DON'T!

I am more torn as the days go by. Questions such as:

Why and how can this kind of poverty exist?
What does God think of this?
How do I, personally, make sense of it all?
How do I go home now after all this?
How can we live so obliviously to it in Canada?
What should I do when June '09 comes around?

I'm all by myself at the clinic now. Nurse Ruth has her family here for the next month and a half so I am the chief Nurse at Daughter's clinic!! Me?! Kimmy bimmy simmy?! Oh dear. And I've already had quite a week! I'm back from Dengue Fever Hell and I am faced with the area we work in in P.P. again. The stink, the filth, the dead chickens, the smelly children, the brothels, the scary men who say 'sexy lady' to me in my sweaty-ness!!

Like today for instance. My patient's consisted of:

1. infected rat bites. They bite her while she sleeps. I had to pop her with antibiotics!!
2. incomplete abortion. She's decided the baby really wants to stay so she'll let it. Her words.
3. genital herpes. enough said.
4. domestic violence. He's African. She's Khmer. She tried to hide it. I questioned further.
5. back pain, headaches due to insomnia, nautious pregnancies, etc.

The list goes on.
BUT...I love being here still! Weird! I love being 'in' it. Hearing the stories and fighting back this innate sense to keep it at a distance. I love the challenge of stripping away my Western views and looking right in the eyes of these girls and realizing, really knowing, inside this little heart, that this is reality. This is not a movie. And what can I do for them?

It is draining and inspiring and invigorating and...obviously I'm a bit tired at night! I worry about not being enough. About not being a good nurse for them. Will I make it while Nurse Ruth is gone?

I took two girls to get a scan of their unborn babies today at RHAC! 11 whole dollars. One little boy is due 12/12/2008 and a little girl is due on 11/02/2009!! I wish you all could've seen the mother's faces when they saw the ultrasound of their babies! It was like it was all worth it. I got a little choked up myself. of course. These women have no idea. They are carrying a life b/c they have decided to let it live. Amongst all the babies that die everyday by abortions...they are the lucky babies. I think about these babies and who they will be. Will they be the future generation who will DO something about the poor area we work in? Will they love God? Will they even survive?

I should just stop myself now...my ramblings could go on...

I see rats, giant gecko's and bats everyday! And instead of getting thicker skin...I am more terrified of them as the days go on! I am....pathetic.

Hugs,
Nurse Kimberly....aka Srey Kim.