Thursday, January 29, 2009
Life...
I've had a very busy week and it's not even Friday yet!
A couple from Toronto came to Phnom Penh this week with their organization (i seem to not recall the correct name at this time) called Health Ministry International (?). Ken Gamble is a doctor and his wife Linda is a nurse. (They look and act like Aunty Wilma and Uncle Ken. Ken is maybe a bit less animated then uncle ken but Linda looks like aunty wilma and acts like her too. And is just as encouraging!! She even cries easy like Aunty Wilma!!) They've worked in remote areas in Africa and Pakistan and have a heart for assisting missionaries that are out and about in their environments. They came to PP to do just that; to minister to the ones ministering! And guess what? I was on their list of VIP to see!!!
I went with them to the CSI hospital to have a "chat" with the doctor(s) about the health challenges in Cambodia. I found it overwhelming and also encouraging. I missed talking with other health professionals. Hearing the health jargon, discussing the issues I face as well and to be in, what felt like, a REAL hospital!! A pharmacist, a nurse, a physiotherapist and all those other people that make our lives as a health professional easier. ie. Team partners.
I realized then how alone I am. And it allowed me to take a deep breath and pat myself on the back...because i finally saw why i feel tired and exhausted. And why I feel overwhelmed...I don't have anyone to partner with. Ruthie is gone. And I bless her journey, but that leaves me without a vent system.
I do need to tell you all that I have a "helper nurse"with me now. She is older. I'm not sure exactly how old. But she graduated in 1965 from Nursing and had a family shortly after and left the health industry until....now! So...it's been a bit different to get used to me teaching the new fish. And it's a lot more tiring then Ruthie let on when I first came. I am still unsure where she's going to fit in the clinic b/c of her lack of up to date skills or abilities. I am trying to have patience...
Today was one of those days as a nurse where your wall of "professional compassion" for some reason crumbles and you just can't help but break down emotionally and be affected deeply by their story. I keep an emotionally healthy wall up so that I don't break down emotionally with everyone...but sometimes they get around that wall...
It was the usual story: mother of 2 young ones. She's aged 24. Lives with her mother and sister and is the main financial support. She's pregnant again by a man that she thought would stick around to help her out financially but he has gone. She shared with me that she doesn't eat some days b/c they have no food, no money. She sacrifices for her children. She sacrifices her food.
I've seen her around a lot. She looks spaced out all the time. I thought it might be drugs but I think it's sheer exhaustion. She told me about how she wanted to breast feed with each pregnancy but her milk only came for 1 month. I think b/c of her lack of nutrients from food, she is unable to provide a milk supply. Her body just doesn't have anything else to give.
I sat there. Stunned. Emotionally spent. My shoulders slumped down, my eyes fell to the floor, i let out a sigh...
I gave her multivitamins, calcium/vit D, and iron. I told her the importance of eating healthy but it came down to the money. There just wasn't any. Her sister lent some money to a friend and when her friend had no money to pay her back, she ran away. Now her sister is left with her friend's debts. And because my client financially supports her sister, she is paying for the debt of her sister's friend...200 dollars!!! When you don't even have 10 cents to rub together, 200 dollars seems like 200 000 dollars!!
What could I do?!!
In the Bible it says, "This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." (The Message)
I would do anything for this girl. I wanted to so badly switch places with her. I would put my life on the line for her...I loved her so much it ached inside.
What could I do?!!
Nothing. I could do nothing but pray. I knew that she's given a great salary with short hours here at Daughter's. Just like the other girls, she has to take what we CAN give and make of it something useful for her future. She has to be proactive in her life. She has an awesome opportunity working with us at Daughter's. She isn't alone. She has a way. We just need to point her in that direction.
I tried to be very professional and say the right words at first. My translator spoke every word I said in Khmer to her. I tried to keep it together but I couldn't. I spoke one word; "Lord." And the tears started coming. My nose started running. And I felt a need to be transparent. As I cried to the God of the heavens, as I knelt on my knees beside this poor pregnant soul, as I felt the weight of her struggles physically on my own shoulders, as I felt unworthy to even be the one requesting these miracles; I didn't care. I just lifted my prayers to Him. Because I had no one else to turn to.
I told God that I didn't know what to do. I cried for a miracle. For the jars of rice to be plentiful. For each kernel to be stretched. Like the jars of oil in the bible...I prayed that the food she would eat to be blessed so that that small amount would nourish her...
As I struggled through a cracked and weak voice, I heard her sniffles beginning. She saw my pain and she knew that I was crying b/c I was affected by her pain, I had heard her and I was standing with her. I was standing in Solidarity. I was her friend. I knew her struggles. She was not alone.
I would ask that you hold this beautiful woman in prayer with me. Her children are 9 months and 2 years and she is due in August. Pray for God's hand in her life. Pray that she would see that her only hope is God her Father.
Thank the Lord for a center and NGO like Daughter's of Cambodia!! They provide a salary, a clean and safe place to work with staff who are loving and understanding. They provide free daycare for their children and offer a housing space for anyone who really needs it next door in the shelter. Also they are allowed free counseling and health care. Numerous workshops are put on to educate the girls re: budgeting, health, love, forgiveness, and hope in Jesus Christ. Without this place of work they would be destitute. It's easy to see this woman's story and think all is lost...but it's not. She's entering into a phase in her life that offers a way out. I can't wait to see what working at Daughter's will do for her future!! There is amazing opportunities and I will continue to encourage her to take advantage of them!
A couple from Toronto came to Phnom Penh this week with their organization (i seem to not recall the correct name at this time) called Health Ministry International (?). Ken Gamble is a doctor and his wife Linda is a nurse. (They look and act like Aunty Wilma and Uncle Ken. Ken is maybe a bit less animated then uncle ken but Linda looks like aunty wilma and acts like her too. And is just as encouraging!! She even cries easy like Aunty Wilma!!) They've worked in remote areas in Africa and Pakistan and have a heart for assisting missionaries that are out and about in their environments. They came to PP to do just that; to minister to the ones ministering! And guess what? I was on their list of VIP to see!!!
I went with them to the CSI hospital to have a "chat" with the doctor(s) about the health challenges in Cambodia. I found it overwhelming and also encouraging. I missed talking with other health professionals. Hearing the health jargon, discussing the issues I face as well and to be in, what felt like, a REAL hospital!! A pharmacist, a nurse, a physiotherapist and all those other people that make our lives as a health professional easier. ie. Team partners.
I realized then how alone I am. And it allowed me to take a deep breath and pat myself on the back...because i finally saw why i feel tired and exhausted. And why I feel overwhelmed...I don't have anyone to partner with. Ruthie is gone. And I bless her journey, but that leaves me without a vent system.
I do need to tell you all that I have a "helper nurse"with me now. She is older. I'm not sure exactly how old. But she graduated in 1965 from Nursing and had a family shortly after and left the health industry until....now! So...it's been a bit different to get used to me teaching the new fish. And it's a lot more tiring then Ruthie let on when I first came. I am still unsure where she's going to fit in the clinic b/c of her lack of up to date skills or abilities. I am trying to have patience...
Today was one of those days as a nurse where your wall of "professional compassion" for some reason crumbles and you just can't help but break down emotionally and be affected deeply by their story. I keep an emotionally healthy wall up so that I don't break down emotionally with everyone...but sometimes they get around that wall...
It was the usual story: mother of 2 young ones. She's aged 24. Lives with her mother and sister and is the main financial support. She's pregnant again by a man that she thought would stick around to help her out financially but he has gone. She shared with me that she doesn't eat some days b/c they have no food, no money. She sacrifices for her children. She sacrifices her food.
I've seen her around a lot. She looks spaced out all the time. I thought it might be drugs but I think it's sheer exhaustion. She told me about how she wanted to breast feed with each pregnancy but her milk only came for 1 month. I think b/c of her lack of nutrients from food, she is unable to provide a milk supply. Her body just doesn't have anything else to give.
I sat there. Stunned. Emotionally spent. My shoulders slumped down, my eyes fell to the floor, i let out a sigh...
I gave her multivitamins, calcium/vit D, and iron. I told her the importance of eating healthy but it came down to the money. There just wasn't any. Her sister lent some money to a friend and when her friend had no money to pay her back, she ran away. Now her sister is left with her friend's debts. And because my client financially supports her sister, she is paying for the debt of her sister's friend...200 dollars!!! When you don't even have 10 cents to rub together, 200 dollars seems like 200 000 dollars!!
What could I do?!!
In the Bible it says, "This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." (The Message)
I would do anything for this girl. I wanted to so badly switch places with her. I would put my life on the line for her...I loved her so much it ached inside.
What could I do?!!
Nothing. I could do nothing but pray. I knew that she's given a great salary with short hours here at Daughter's. Just like the other girls, she has to take what we CAN give and make of it something useful for her future. She has to be proactive in her life. She has an awesome opportunity working with us at Daughter's. She isn't alone. She has a way. We just need to point her in that direction.
I tried to be very professional and say the right words at first. My translator spoke every word I said in Khmer to her. I tried to keep it together but I couldn't. I spoke one word; "Lord." And the tears started coming. My nose started running. And I felt a need to be transparent. As I cried to the God of the heavens, as I knelt on my knees beside this poor pregnant soul, as I felt the weight of her struggles physically on my own shoulders, as I felt unworthy to even be the one requesting these miracles; I didn't care. I just lifted my prayers to Him. Because I had no one else to turn to.
I told God that I didn't know what to do. I cried for a miracle. For the jars of rice to be plentiful. For each kernel to be stretched. Like the jars of oil in the bible...I prayed that the food she would eat to be blessed so that that small amount would nourish her...
As I struggled through a cracked and weak voice, I heard her sniffles beginning. She saw my pain and she knew that I was crying b/c I was affected by her pain, I had heard her and I was standing with her. I was standing in Solidarity. I was her friend. I knew her struggles. She was not alone.
I would ask that you hold this beautiful woman in prayer with me. Her children are 9 months and 2 years and she is due in August. Pray for God's hand in her life. Pray that she would see that her only hope is God her Father.
Thank the Lord for a center and NGO like Daughter's of Cambodia!! They provide a salary, a clean and safe place to work with staff who are loving and understanding. They provide free daycare for their children and offer a housing space for anyone who really needs it next door in the shelter. Also they are allowed free counseling and health care. Numerous workshops are put on to educate the girls re: budgeting, health, love, forgiveness, and hope in Jesus Christ. Without this place of work they would be destitute. It's easy to see this woman's story and think all is lost...but it's not. She's entering into a phase in her life that offers a way out. I can't wait to see what working at Daughter's will do for her future!! There is amazing opportunities and I will continue to encourage her to take advantage of them!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Gratefulness!
It's baby season! I swear! It's like as soon as we hit December the babies started popping!
We've had 4 babies born since December. Three beautiful girls and one precious boy! I just took two more girls to RHAC (reproductive health association of Cambodia, run by USAid) health clinic to have an ultrasound yesterday! Ratanak has been funding the births as well as vitamins/supplements and one ultrasound for each girl. I am so thankful.
It's a magical gift to shower attention and concern onto these mothers who have known none of this before. They are treated with respect and get to see and hear about their baby. They are given a 3-D picture of their little miracle to take home. I feel as if this in itself is showing them and proving to them that even though they can't see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands their children, that their little babies are real. I pray that their husbands will be inspired as well to care for their wives better after hearing and seeing their baby!
We have one girl who is HIV positive and pregnant. She is due next. She may be the cutest woman I've ever seen. She's very young and her belly is SO big! I always come and talk to her tummy and ask it how it's doing in khmer. The mother laughs and thinks I'm quite strange. I have a cousin back in Winnipeg; Lisa-Joy. She is due the exact same day as this precious girl. So when I see this girl grow and complain about her giant belly; i like to think of my cousin. It's kindof a nice gift to have this visual reminder of my cousin. I need you all to pray for this gorgeous girl. I have got her connected to a hospital here that will pay for her birth and give free antiviral meds to her baby as soon as it is born. The baby needs to be delivered in a special hospital and this hospital has agreed to pay for it. They are even willing to take the baby for 6 months to care and nurture it through the time that is most crucial for a child born of a HIV positive mother. Pray that God's hand would be in the baby as it is being delivered and that a miracle would happen; that it would not contract the virus.
I just received an email from a stranger that has without knowing it inspired me with their words. I thank God for the amazing people keeping me in prayer. This particular angel sent me a quote which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this particular time. I had been struggling with not doing enough. Not doing big enough things or curing enough or not meeting the girls expectations of a nurse. Oh dear! Will I ever learn that I am NOT enough but He is more then enough for me and all of Cambodia!?
Here's the quote: "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. It is the intensity of the love we put into our gestures that make them something beautiful for God. Intense love does not measure it just gives."
Thank you. Thank you also to my dear friend who called me yesterday and renewed my vision in Christ. I love you.
We've had 4 babies born since December. Three beautiful girls and one precious boy! I just took two more girls to RHAC (reproductive health association of Cambodia, run by USAid) health clinic to have an ultrasound yesterday! Ratanak has been funding the births as well as vitamins/supplements and one ultrasound for each girl. I am so thankful.
It's a magical gift to shower attention and concern onto these mothers who have known none of this before. They are treated with respect and get to see and hear about their baby. They are given a 3-D picture of their little miracle to take home. I feel as if this in itself is showing them and proving to them that even though they can't see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands their children, that their little babies are real. I pray that their husbands will be inspired as well to care for their wives better after hearing and seeing their baby!
We have one girl who is HIV positive and pregnant. She is due next. She may be the cutest woman I've ever seen. She's very young and her belly is SO big! I always come and talk to her tummy and ask it how it's doing in khmer. The mother laughs and thinks I'm quite strange. I have a cousin back in Winnipeg; Lisa-Joy. She is due the exact same day as this precious girl. So when I see this girl grow and complain about her giant belly; i like to think of my cousin. It's kindof a nice gift to have this visual reminder of my cousin. I need you all to pray for this gorgeous girl. I have got her connected to a hospital here that will pay for her birth and give free antiviral meds to her baby as soon as it is born. The baby needs to be delivered in a special hospital and this hospital has agreed to pay for it. They are even willing to take the baby for 6 months to care and nurture it through the time that is most crucial for a child born of a HIV positive mother. Pray that God's hand would be in the baby as it is being delivered and that a miracle would happen; that it would not contract the virus.
I just received an email from a stranger that has without knowing it inspired me with their words. I thank God for the amazing people keeping me in prayer. This particular angel sent me a quote which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this particular time. I had been struggling with not doing enough. Not doing big enough things or curing enough or not meeting the girls expectations of a nurse. Oh dear! Will I ever learn that I am NOT enough but He is more then enough for me and all of Cambodia!?
Here's the quote: "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. It is the intensity of the love we put into our gestures that make them something beautiful for God. Intense love does not measure it just gives."
Thank you. Thank you also to my dear friend who called me yesterday and renewed my vision in Christ. I love you.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Back in the saddle?!
Yesterday was my first real day back after the holidays and the YWAM team.
I was exhausted when I got home. 17 patients!! Amazing! All of those feelings and struggles and questions re-flooded my mind. Questions like: what impact have i had? Have I even dented the situation?
I am a person that sees the big picture. We're always told; "look at the big picture" or, "step back and take it in". BUT I CAN'T HERE!!
The Big Picture is out of my control. It's got too many little pictures of despair and struggles that when I even toy with the idea of looking at it's entirety then I melt into a puddle on the street. It takes all of my energy to just look at one girl at a time. To look at one area of health at a time. To have one goal at a time.
Not only do I love to look at the big picture but I am also a person that wants to SAVE THE WORLD! Yep. I am. I admit. And so I have this tendency to want to sink my nails into things. To want to control. To want to give and give and give and give. And when nothings coming back to fill me up....I "melt into a puddle on the street!" I recently had, i guess you could say, a bout of exhaustion. I learned of God's amazing grace. To be easy on myself....because?: I AM HUMAN! Wow. I feel quite silly to think that that was my lesson. Obviously I'm human! duh! But when all you see when you look around is need, and all you want to do is give, then the combo becomes deadly.....
So...I guess I'm being easy on myself. I'm praying now that God would give me a clear direction to go in. What area should I focus on? Should I focus on getting all the children vaccinated? Or all the girls tetanus shots done? Or should I teach some education classes on basic hygiene or the importance of wearing shoes/sandals? Should I get all of their eyes tested? Or should I just simply get them all HIV tested? Should I gather all the preggy ladies and do a lesson on self care and baby care? AHHHH.....there's a lot. And I want to do it all. But I just can't...
I had a revelation come to me yesterday. It was simply that "I need." I need just as much as these Daughter's need. Just as much as they need love and encouragement. I need that as well. I am the same. They are my peers. They are my sisters. I am not above or below them. They are not beyond my reach. And I am not beyond theirs. We are human and we are sinners and we are loved despite that.
I am humbled that even though I am the same age as them, that I sin just like them, that I am lost without God, just like them...that God somehow sent ME here.
And I think I know what He wants me to do.
He wants me to show them;
that I am just like them.
Amen.
I was exhausted when I got home. 17 patients!! Amazing! All of those feelings and struggles and questions re-flooded my mind. Questions like: what impact have i had? Have I even dented the situation?
I am a person that sees the big picture. We're always told; "look at the big picture" or, "step back and take it in". BUT I CAN'T HERE!!
The Big Picture is out of my control. It's got too many little pictures of despair and struggles that when I even toy with the idea of looking at it's entirety then I melt into a puddle on the street. It takes all of my energy to just look at one girl at a time. To look at one area of health at a time. To have one goal at a time.
Not only do I love to look at the big picture but I am also a person that wants to SAVE THE WORLD! Yep. I am. I admit. And so I have this tendency to want to sink my nails into things. To want to control. To want to give and give and give and give. And when nothings coming back to fill me up....I "melt into a puddle on the street!" I recently had, i guess you could say, a bout of exhaustion. I learned of God's amazing grace. To be easy on myself....because?: I AM HUMAN! Wow. I feel quite silly to think that that was my lesson. Obviously I'm human! duh! But when all you see when you look around is need, and all you want to do is give, then the combo becomes deadly.....
So...I guess I'm being easy on myself. I'm praying now that God would give me a clear direction to go in. What area should I focus on? Should I focus on getting all the children vaccinated? Or all the girls tetanus shots done? Or should I teach some education classes on basic hygiene or the importance of wearing shoes/sandals? Should I get all of their eyes tested? Or should I just simply get them all HIV tested? Should I gather all the preggy ladies and do a lesson on self care and baby care? AHHHH.....there's a lot. And I want to do it all. But I just can't...
I had a revelation come to me yesterday. It was simply that "I need." I need just as much as these Daughter's need. Just as much as they need love and encouragement. I need that as well. I am the same. They are my peers. They are my sisters. I am not above or below them. They are not beyond my reach. And I am not beyond theirs. We are human and we are sinners and we are loved despite that.
I am humbled that even though I am the same age as them, that I sin just like them, that I am lost without God, just like them...that God somehow sent ME here.
And I think I know what He wants me to do.
He wants me to show them;
that I am just like them.
Amen.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Blogging time again?
Happy New Year!
wow. Things I still can't believe:
1. I'm in Cambodia, S.E. Asia!? What!
2. It's January!? What!
3. We just had Christmas!? What!
4. It's 2009!? What!
Honestly. I still can't believe it to be true until I get back to Winnipeg and I see the '09 sticker pasted on my Dynasty's license plate!!! Seriously.
Okay. Yes. It's been a while. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more. Although, right now, to me, that sounds pretty lame. My life is a bit weird. So i guess that makes it a good blog!?
New Year's: It poured on Phnom Penh all night. So after we got stuck in the traffic and the rain didn't let up, we just went home. Some friend's from church came over and we (very un-celebratorily) had the count down at home. After we pulled ourselves away from the dry apartment, we went to a Chinese restaurant where E. drank 2 Red Bulls! and I had 2 SourSop's (it's a fruit drink. and it's sour. as you would assume. yes.). Then we jumped on our mottos and headed down around the airport to a "sister church" of ours and we had a DANCE PARTY!! So...there was a bit of Khmer music but then the J.T. and the T.I. came out and we had loads of fun! We got home at 5 am...and slept the next day away!! obv!
Work: well, the YWAM team has left us so it's back to normal now. i had my first normal day today. it was strange to sit in my chair and ask the usual questions and do the usual things. it's been a month since i last worked in the clinic. And i got a bit scared cause it's coming to the time when Ruthie will leave me! I'm apprensive and also excited. what a challenge?!
Random News: E. and her sister and I were in a photo shoot this afternoon at hotel Cambodiana!
It has to do with promoting tourism to Cambodia. We had to sit at this small round table on the sand, facing the Mekong River. We sat and had cocktails and got filmed doing it! It was really fun! ....nurse...aunty....actress? Sounds good to me!
wow. Things I still can't believe:
1. I'm in Cambodia, S.E. Asia!? What!
2. It's January!? What!
3. We just had Christmas!? What!
4. It's 2009!? What!
Honestly. I still can't believe it to be true until I get back to Winnipeg and I see the '09 sticker pasted on my Dynasty's license plate!!! Seriously.
Okay. Yes. It's been a while. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more. Although, right now, to me, that sounds pretty lame. My life is a bit weird. So i guess that makes it a good blog!?
New Year's: It poured on Phnom Penh all night. So after we got stuck in the traffic and the rain didn't let up, we just went home. Some friend's from church came over and we (very un-celebratorily) had the count down at home. After we pulled ourselves away from the dry apartment, we went to a Chinese restaurant where E. drank 2 Red Bulls! and I had 2 SourSop's (it's a fruit drink. and it's sour. as you would assume. yes.). Then we jumped on our mottos and headed down around the airport to a "sister church" of ours and we had a DANCE PARTY!! So...there was a bit of Khmer music but then the J.T. and the T.I. came out and we had loads of fun! We got home at 5 am...and slept the next day away!! obv!
Work: well, the YWAM team has left us so it's back to normal now. i had my first normal day today. it was strange to sit in my chair and ask the usual questions and do the usual things. it's been a month since i last worked in the clinic. And i got a bit scared cause it's coming to the time when Ruthie will leave me! I'm apprensive and also excited. what a challenge?!
Random News: E. and her sister and I were in a photo shoot this afternoon at hotel Cambodiana!
It has to do with promoting tourism to Cambodia. We had to sit at this small round table on the sand, facing the Mekong River. We sat and had cocktails and got filmed doing it! It was really fun! ....nurse...aunty....actress? Sounds good to me!
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