Kimberly's Cambodian Adventure

Now that I have seen. I am responsible.

2009-06-28T18:50:00.003+07:00

Flights are booked. Luggage is semi in order. Gifts purchased. Months completed.

I'm so excited to be home. To sit on a chesterfield and eat crap food. I'm so excited to hug and suffocate my nephews with kisses! I'm so excited to see my family and walk the gravel roads with my sister.

Although it's amazingly exciting...it's crazy surreal.

11 months: July 21, 2008 - July 1st, 2009.

I have to stop myself though from wasting these last few days of Cambodia on Canadian longings. My mind racing to the airport. To the prairie smells. To the tears. To the human touches. Eye contact.

I've learned lessons beyond my wildest expectations. I'm filled to the rims with memories, sights, flashbacks...I'm forever indebted to Cambodia. For the love it threw at me and the relationships we built together. Yet I also feel a very heavy responsibility to share truthfully what i've seen and learned. It to me seems like a serious job. As Brooke Fraser sings; "Now that I have seen, I am responsible". I guess I'm trying to figure out what that means for me.

Many people are asking: "So, when will you be coming back to Cambodia?" ummm...well I guess I don't know. I kind of think I need to just take a rest from trying to overload my brain to make such a commitment yet. I just want my Mom people!!!

I must end with saying thank you for reading and sticking along through the rough patches. I'm very lucky to have friends who were able to read along and not get bored out of their minds! I've gone through some changes in my faith this year. And I hesitated sharing any "religious" words. Yet I knew if I wanted to remain genuine and true to myself i had to say what i was thinking...and i knew i couldn't please both sides. Some may say I used some Christian jargon this year...i think that may be because it's difficult to explain sometimes what kind of journey we're on...how do you put faith into words?

Just remember people that just because some gorgeous lady like myself gets up and moves half way across the world doesn't make them a hero or an angel. I'm still who I am. A freckled faced girl who actually likes cigarettes now and then!

Thanks. peace out.
kimbo-rimbo-simbo-ronk.

Meta House: A Success!!

2009-06-11T11:25:00.002+07:00

Thanks everyone for keeping Daughters in your thoughts/prayers!

On June 9th Jaymie premiered her photography project at the Meta House art gallery. She has been teaching 4 young Khmer women who work at Daughters, the art of photography since early this year. They proved to be major talents and this exhibition was a way to celebrate and prove to these women to reach high!

During the exhibition on the 9th, Jaymie and I spoke upstairs on the rooftop where documentaries or art presentations are held. We spoke about Daughters and the issues surrounding the sex industry in Cambodia.

It was a packed show and we are so thankful for everyone that came out to support us. Apparantly I am a natural public speaker;)

We have another event this Saturday at Gasolina garden restaurant where photos, art, jewelery, and home decor items will be sold. These are all products that the women at Daughters have made.

I'll post pics when I have a minute!!

Daughters Cambodia Exhibition

2009-06-04T19:34:00.000+07:00

30 days...

2009-05-30T14:12:00.002+07:00

Every Friday, Daughters staff and girls/children join together in the main lobby to worship. For many girls it is the first and only times they may ever be involved in a worship centered around Jesus. It's purely magical.

We sing songs; many of which I do not know. The service is in Khmer and translated into English or visa versa. Usually after we sing the microphone is offered to any girl who wants to share something related to God that is happening in their life. Some girls who are brave share of relationships mending or of forgiveness. It's amazing to hear their testimonies.

Ruth, our director speaks or others who are visiting or working staff are also invited to share some words. Ruth asked me to speak this Friday with short notice but strangely on the motto ride to work I had decided on a topic I would speak on...without knowing I was going to! Ruth recommended the topic of Prayer and that was what I had decided earlier on the motto too!

During the singing I was emotional; looking at all of these women. Singing from their hearts, sitting together with their babies in their laps and most of them breastfeeding as they sang. I was overwhelmed with the obvious spirit of God in the room.

I nervously got up to speak but found that I didn't need to look down to read my written prepared notes. I shared about what prayer is. Who can pray. Why we pray. How we can pray. Then I shared stories of prayers i had prayed in my past. I was honest. I shared about praying that miraculously my parents would love each other again and that when i opened my eyes and walked out to the living room that they would not be divorced. I also shared about praying that my teenage sister's baby would miscarry. i cried and shared with them that God answers sometimes in ways that we don't see. That really my nephew was born to bless me!

After I finished Ruth invited anyone who wanted prayer to come forward...16 girls came forward! Jaymie and i took half the group while Ruth took the rest. Sitting on the tile floors in a circle we prayed for these sobbing women. We prayed for their children's health, healing and support for their HIV positive illness, strength to be a single parent and relational issues regarding their husband's imprisonment.

One women sat down right beside me and took my hand and jabbered away in Khmer to me. My translator said that she was telling me of a dream she had last night. That in the dream she had killed a man. And in the process her hand was severely cut and bleeding profusely. Then in the dream I came to her. I came and told her everything was going to be ok, that she wasn't alone and then I prayed for her!! And her hand was healed!

I was shocked and moved and blessed and happy and...shocked!!!!!!!!!! I had heard from a friend that God speaks to them in their dreams and this was evidence! The fact that I was in her dream to calm her and point her to God made my skin quiver.

Such a beautiful rich blessing for me to cherish during my last 30 days...that God used me to speak the words their wounded hearts needed to hear.

Here am I Lord, use me!

Stretching

2009-05-27T20:15:00.002+07:00

Jaymie, my "lovely Canadian sister who works at Daughters" (long title) has been teaching photography to some of the girls that are working at Daughters. They've turned out to be very talented and so a couple projects are in the making to share their work/talent...

June 9th - Tuesday @ 6pm. We're having a slide show presentation of Daughters at a art/film/cafe here in PP called Meta House. There will be an exhibit display sampling some of the photographs the girls have taken of their own communities. AND for some unknown reason....Jaymie and yours truly will be speaking!! I'm praying the stuttering remains minimal and the lisp non-existent...

June 13th - Saturday @ 12-4pm. Daughters is having a celebration! This is an opportunity to show all the wonderful things we have been up to as of late at a garden cafe called Gasolina in PP. Merchandise the girls have sewn or created will be on display for sale as well as the photographs exhibited.

Come by if you are in PP and pray for us if you're half way across the world!!

Battambang

2009-05-21T11:11:00.010+07:00

Jaymie and I headed north west to a town called Battambang this past weekend.

It's a lazy town and that's just what we wanted.
We rented bicycles and travelled around town to an abandoned Pepsi bottle making plant. And also explored the old train station. The following pics are of the train station kids.

Monsters under the bed

2009-05-13T20:05:00.002+07:00

I visited a child brothel area in a small village outside of Phnom Penh this afternoon. There's a children's program run every Monday/Wednesday/Friday for the local kids. The afternoon was full of stories, songs, screaming, running, balloon popping, hand holding, name asking, coloring, creating, loving and impact.

I'm speechless.

I had gone before. With my nurse friend; Ruthie. She worked as a nurse on Tuesday/Thursday afternoons. Now that she's gone they try to make do with what she taught them.

This time was different then the last time i visited though. The background, the stories, the rooms; were explained more to me.

The program is run in an old brothel. In the past it was just a skinny dark hallway with cubicles on either side; maybe 7 feet by 7 feet. Now it's a big room where kids run and eat and play and just be kids. At the back of the room though stands one single cubicle. Left as a memorial to an innocent little girl who was raped to death in it. The finger prints still on the walls. The wooden bed still remains.

There's more but i don't need to go on. I just need to think.

I got home and tried to go on. But as i scrambled my eggs I found tears on my cheeks. Just me thinking about her is reason enough for them to keep the room. To prove to her that we won't forget. But we won't just sit. We'll remember her and we'll play. These kids can play. Even though 80% every night become sex workers. Every night! On Monday/Wednesday/Friday, these little wonders can just be kids.

I'm upset because there are angels walking amongst us - tied to his bed.

Here am I...

2009-05-11T10:40:00.003+07:00

My close friend sent me this link. I recommend you watch it.

I'm finding it very applicable to where my mind/heart has been venturing as of late...

Just click on this:
A Thousand Questions

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

2009-05-10T20:02:00.009+07:00

These past few weeks I have been mulling over the concept of "Mother". When I think of a Mother, I think of: safety, forgiveness, protection, unconditional love, wisdom, gentleness, friendship...and fresh bread....okay, and maybe spankings!

In analyzing my view of a Mother (as I've grown to know from my lovely Mama Mia), I've just begun now in Cambodia to realize that the idea of Mother that I've always thought to be universal is in fact not. Mothers "mother" in very different ways.

For instance; just last week I was shocked to learn that a woman that I have helped throughout her entire pregnancy with emotional, physical, mental and spiritual assistance has sold her baby. That darling little baby boy has been traded in for $300. My tears stung my eyes when i heard. I was enraged and frustrated and confused...."but why?", i asked. I have been presented with a very realistic view of many, not all, but many mothers here who see their children with dollar signs.

I had an opportunity to interview a woman who has been working for Daughters about 2 years. She shared with me her story of being trafficked as a 15 year old girl to a distant province to be used as a loan repayment option by her very own mother...to sell her body for money so her mother's debt would be paid.

It makes me confused then; how was I born in Canada? Into a home with parents who adore me? How come she wasn't? Was there a mix up?

I believe that those of us who are the "lucky ones" are expected to share, to help. In Rob Bell's book; Velvet Elvis, he discusses the idea that people who believe in Jesus are not to live their life to get to Heaven, but to live their lives to bring Heaven to earth. I completely agree! And I think that this is what Jesus' goal was; to bring Heaven here. (Don't worry people; i still believe in a place called Heaven too! I just fight with the concept that Heaven is the only goal. Comment if you disagree)

So I believe that the idea of Heaven is extensive. If Heaven to us means union with God, or restoration, then that leaves us with multiple ideas of Heaven. Such as mended relationships, environmental stewardship, justice for the poor, care for the orphaned, peace for the incriminated, freedom for the sinners, and the list goes on and on and on.

This excites me b/c that means that all people, without knowing, are bringing Heaven to earth. As Rob says; "Everything is Spiritual". I believe my cousins Lisa-Joy and John are bringing Heaven to earth by teaching awareness of the pollution affects to the Arctic with the Gunters family business called Frontiers North Adventures. God created us to be stewards of the earth and to care for it. Rob says that "this is why litter and pollution are spiritual issues."

I believe that Brian McConaghy and his staff at The Ratanak Foundation and Ruth Elliot and her team at Daughters of Cambodia are bringing Heaven to earth by assisting in the changing of thousands of lives in Cambodia.

There are many ways people aide in the restoration of our world; Mothers are one of those ways.

Thank you Mom for bringing Heaven to Earth a little bit more by making me! Just kidding! Thanks for being a lovely Mother. Happy Mother's Day!

2 Children every minute are trafficked...

2009-05-03T17:47:00.006+07:00

Human slavery isn't only happening in Cambodia; this criminal activity generates $32 billion dollars a year in the trafficking of human beings all over our world.

To learn more about this worldwide issue, visit these websites:

stopthetraffik

stopdemand

somaly

restoreinternatoinal

notforsalecampaign

chabdai

love146

25?! WHAT?

2009-04-28T20:58:00.004+07:00

So...it looks like i've crossed to the other side...the side of: the MID-twenties. And let's just leave it at that.

It's been exciting at Daughter's lately. Why? Well...let me tell you!

We had a lovely lady from the States who is a Physiotherapist, come to Daughters. She taught a class to the girls on Thursday dealing with stretching, stress release and posture building exercises. She also came and worked along side me in the clinic on Friday morning with girls who have been having issues with back, neck, wrist and pelvic pain. I learned a lot! (I know Rachel is learning to be an OT, but I really pretended it was you Rach in the clinic with me) She was generous and taught the staff also a bit about posture and relaxation stretches and left with us some great resources and aides. Thanks Marilynne! (spelling is probably wrong)

Daughter's also has been lucky to meet Joanna, a midwife from New Zealand. She's just arrived in Cambodia and is looking for a position dealing with pre-natal as well as post-natal women for possibly a long term position. Her and I have run some clinics together and I've been able to breathe easy when a girl comes with an issue involving her pregnancy b/c I can just turn to Joanna and say; "Please!". She's around my age and very very nice. We've had great talks about our philosophies in working WITH people in the world and she has a gentle yet strong passion for Pregnancy's! I'd like to say that she is my friend!

oh! Before I forget: July 1st, 2009; our date of re-entry into the Great White North!

RAINin'

2009-04-25T09:52:00.004+07:00

It's been raining again!

In other news: I have lice, scabies, strange itchy patches on my legs that apparently look like Jellyfish stings and my tan is peeling off...sigh...

The Low Down, Berly-Kim style!

2009-04-20T11:40:00.006+07:00

So...I'm about to attempt to make a long story short. Sometimes this is a wee bit difficult for this wee little girl. BUT. It must be done.

The ladies (Amber, Noemi, Sopeak, Eileen, Jaymie and myself) ventured up to a province in Cambodia called Mondulkiri for 4 nights. The Khmer New Year handed us a 5 day leave from work, and we happily accepted. (Just for your information: it is the year of the Cow. And we just ended the year of the Rat...i think things are looking up!)

We took a big Grey Hound looking bus, up to a town called Snuol. Now. Let me tell you about what made this bus ride one to remember:
I enter the bus. It's big and smelly and hot, right? Ok, so i get to my seat. I follow Jaymie, my seat buddy and look to the back of the bus. A Khmer lady takes notice of me and motions with insistance that i can sit down. So I say thankyou and turn to sit down. But just as I turn I feel a very, let's say, "gentle and lingering" stroke to my arm. I turn to see it's the Khmer lady. Then, she goes on to tell our lovely Khmer friend, Sopeak, that I look Chinese! Me! Kimmy Alice! I look Chinese!? What?!

It was halarious from afar. Maybe not closeup. I felt weirdly against this accusation. This woman's half baked daughter (approxiametly 25 years old) didn't have a seat. The bus was full. So she gets a plastic (Parkside Gospel Church looking chair) and sits in the isle. Guess where? Yup! Right beside her Chinese looking Canadian friend! Me! The WHOLE trip she stares at me. Rubs my arms, hands, legs, hair. She even tried to kiss me; twice!!

Then; which is actually quite funny but frustratingly annoying; she asks me my name. Now, just think about that for a second. My name is: Kim. How Chinese can you get!!! She was certain I was Chinese after that. Then, of course i try to get her off my Chinese looking back and i tell her my name ACTUALLY is: KimBERly. But all she hears is Kim Ly (pronounced Lee). Yup! I'm Kim Lee, the Chinese girl from Canada, with a nose ring and apparantly pimples.

So...the bus gets us to Snuol. Where we have to find a ride to Sen Monorom, the capital of Mondulkiri. One truck packed up to the sky with people/chickens/clothes/food and probably pigs, offers us to ride on the top of it all for 10 dollars each! For 1.5 hours? No thank you. We end up finding a "taxi". AKA a Toyota Camry driven by a man with only one good hand. Who has no shoes. No shirt. And apparantly...no problem...with taking us ladies to Sen Monorom. We had no forwarning into the state of the roads that would be ahead. It basically was a construction site the whole way, except no one was working....well, maybe one person was. A backhoe that had been called to push a pick up truck full of pigs after it got stuck in a rut. The sqweels were horendous!
Anyways....Mondulkiri was beautiful. The waterfalls were fun. The elephants were bumpy. The sleep talking lived on. And the return just as slow/sweaty/and murderously hot as the journey to Mondulkiri.

Here's some photos:

Me at a little lunch spot after riding the elephants. The guide, who looks more like a jungle man, picked these flowers for us.

The Sen Monorom Waterfalls. These are not the largest waterfalls in the region but due to the dry season the water was not as spectacular. Jaymie and I tried our hardest to jump off the side but found too many 'others' much too worried...Me with a cashew nut in my hand and the sun in my eyes. A sour fruit grows above the nut on the tree.

My face was dirty after a day of treking, waterfall swimming, and fast truck riding! Yup! I had fun!
The group shot; L to R: Noemi, me, Eileen, Amber, Sopeak and Jaymie on the end.

(All photos taken by Jaymie Friesen)
To view my complete Facebook photo album of Mondulkiri just follow this link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=238403&id=888480267&l=e70c6cc760

Mondulkiri

2009-04-17T17:05:00.001+07:00

E. and I returned safely this afternoon from our excursion North East, near the Vietnamese Border to the province Mondulkiri....

Stay tuned for pics and stories....elephants, fast truck rides, coffee plantations, pig trucks, pickled scorpions, gigantic iguanas and sleep talking....

The Ragamuffin Gospel by: Brennan Manning

2009-04-11T10:14:00.002+07:00

Lately I've been contemplating this idea of Grace. And I will be the first to say that I need it and also the first to say; i don't believe it...

Here's an exert from the book that's brought Jesus back to me and showed me that there's no other God I could love. A God who comes to love....ALWAYS!

"The Ragamuffin Gospel was written with a specific reading audience in mind. This book is not for the super-spiritual. It is not for muscular Christians who have made John Wayne and not Jesus their hero. It is not for academicians who would imprison Jesus in the ivory tower of exegesis. It is not for noisy, feel-good folks who manipulate Christianity into a naked appeal to emotion. It is not for hooded mystics who want magic in their religion. It is not for Alleluia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation. It is not for the fearless and tearless. It is not for red-hot zealots who boast with the rich young ruler of the gospels: "All these commandments I have kept from my youth." It is not for the complacent, hoisting over their shoulder a tote-bag of honors, diplomas and good works actually believing they have it made. It is not for legalists who would rather surrender control of their souls to rules than run the risk of living in union with Jesus….

The Ragamuffin Gospel was written for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out. It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other. It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don’t have it altogether and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace. It is for inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker. It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents. It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay. It is for the bent and the bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God. It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags."

WOW!

Did someone say lice?!

2009-04-06T16:59:00.002+07:00

Today I de-loused my Canadian friend, Jaymie.

Yes, I believe I've hit my low; I now find myself picking nitts from friend's heads in my spare time...maybe all those years of lice in Elementary school have paid off....i doubt it...

Things I'm thinking about:

1. Khmer new year is this next week and E. and I are heading north to Mondulkiri province to go for a jungle trek on an elephant! Super excited!

2. I feel ashamed of my re-kindled addiction to American Idol...

3. I've decided India is waiting for me...

4. My dad's cow gave birth to a two headed calf...as you can imagine...i tell EVERYONE!!

Millie!!

2009-04-01T10:48:00.002+07:00

My Grandma Foster, at the ripe age 93 (i think) years, died peacefully in Dauphin, Manitoba, CANADA on March 30th, 2009 at lunch time.

Her body was struggling with Congestive Heart Failure and she finally was able to let go.

I am saddened that I can't be there with my family and cousins, but I am thinking of you all as you plan for the funeral and the social gatherings...

I am sending a little something for Rachel to read at the funeral. Just some memories.

I love you Grandma and I know you are peaceful. Thank you for loving me with your gentle and simple love.
Love your, Kimmy Alice.

Realizations!

2009-03-30T20:13:00.003+07:00

Hmmm....

I've realized after my very beautiful and kind friend of mine (!) brought to my attention, that I am bringing a skewed view of Daughter's of Cambodia. I agree with her.

I want you all to know that Daughter's has made leaps and bounds since it's infancy as an NGO working in the brothels of a poor area of Phnom Penh! Starting out with Ruth and her husband driving to brothels to invite the girls to come for the day to visit, paint, and learn a trade...has snowballed into a major NGO with major achievements and major amounts of change in the lives of those they minister to!

I seem to be a bit distraught lately...as I muddle over my latest blog entries I realize how narrow my scope of Daughter's is. I enter into my little clinic and stay there...not realizing that possibly the reason behind all my depressing thoughts working with these women is b/c i deal with the sick, and do not usually see the changes in those who were sick!! Usually a healthy girl with happiness won't just drop in to the clinic just to say thank you or prove that her life has improved. Just doesn't really happen.

Do you understand?

I want you all to know that my eyes do not only see sadness, pain, trauma....no! My eyes see new moms bringing their tiny babies to work everyday...and these babies have a safe, clean place to thrive!! I see little kids getting love, attention and vitamins daily when they visit! I see girls learning a trade, earning good money working in a clean place. Money that is earned respectably and with honor.

I see women come to me in pain and after I refer them to our counselling staff, she comes out with a goal, a dream, a plan, a hope! I see girls who had no hope in hell and have come up to earth again! Living again!!

One of the counsellors at Daughter's just did a psychological assessment on a girl that has worked for us for about a year. The woman was asked about her previous situation before Daughter's and to compare it to after she was given employment. She stated that her depression and anxiety and her worthlessness has decreased drastically!! She said that she beats her children less, her use of alcohol has decreased 100 percent, her hope for the future is tangible! She sees how Daughter's has assisted her and I am so thankful for that.

So, you see. The evidence is there! I just need to take the time out of my crazy wired brain to not just focus on the awful. Sure, those things will happen to these girls seeing where they live or what they deal with at home. BUT there are happy changes and lives that have been turned around. I see it!

Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute. Speak out, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy. - P

2009-03-28T10:12:00.004+07:00

So the week is over...and I have a good story to tell!

On Thursday one of our counselors came to me with a story of a little 1 year old boy she noticed while doing a home visit to one of our very poor communities surrounding our center, many of our girls live there...

She found him alone. When she asked about him the girls told her that he was abandoned a couple months ago. His father is in jail and his mother works in the brothels and had run off on him. Amazingly though, the girls from our center take turns having him in their tiny, poor little homes!

They pass him around with care. Feeding him with what they have and washing him when they can. He lives permanently with an old woman who can only afford to fill his little bottle with water and sweetened condensed milk! As you can imagine, his growth has been stunted...

The counselor asked me if she could bring in the boy and have me look him over. Well, of course, i said!!!

He was very flaccid. Short torso. Enlarged lymph glands. Chest infection. Bug bites. Bruising. Look liked a 6 months old...not a one year old! Everyone said he didn't have a name...he was known just as the baby...

I spoke to my boss, Ruth, about him. After a quick discussion she and her husband decided to take him home with them for the weekend. He will be fed and bathed and loved!! Then after contacting the father in jail for legal rights we will have him placed in a Khmer home with loving parents. We are in contact with a woman who runs an adoption agency with families who can't have children.

Shortly after I did my assessment we had our regular friday worship time. The little boy was passed around from mommy to mommy. Some women who saw that he was going to be cared for by Ruth and Samuel, started to cry. I was amazed at their love for this little boy and i publicly in church thanked them for their compassion. I told them that their actions have not gone un noticed! That jesus sees and is pleased...that when Jesus spoke about feeding and clothing him when he was sick or hungry...that this is what he meant.

I was so happy!
As I stood outside the center with the girls and laughed together while I held the little boy, we all decided he needed a name. A little girl; dirty, poor, and full of head lice (!) looked at the little boy. She said very matter of factly that his name will be RATANAK!! And she told me b/c it means treasure! Oh how precious!

So, Brian and The Ratanak Foundation should be very pleased to know that we now have our own little Ratanak; our own little treasure...

I think God has answered my prayers; For a happy story. For a hopeful glimpse...

How come?

2009-03-26T11:29:00.003+07:00

I've been trying to figure out lately how to cope with all these sad stories...

These past 2 weeks have been riddled with TRAGIC happenings. I had a girl come to me last week with major domestic violence injuries. Her husband bit her...yes, bit her with his teeth. It was so awful to sit there and assess her wounds and realize that he did this with his teeth! Her fingers, her wrists, her nose, her lips...bruised and cut by his teeth.

So...what did I do? Well, we jumped in a tuk tuk and went to a couple NGO's that deal with domestic violence and women's empowerment. They advised her to go to the police. So we did. And it was the most depressing and maddening thing ever! They pretty much laughed at the girl with her bruises and black eyes. They made her feel small and belittled the abuse. About 4 men stood around us as we sat in plastic chairs in a room with spider webs, cockroaches and dusty tables. They stood around and stared us down. I felt so small and insignificant. One police officer came up to me and with crossed arms, asked me how old i was. Um?! What?!! I wanted to burst into tears and run away. But I was so angry at him that i answered in Khmer and stared him down with no smile, no tears....I didn't want to give him the power...i couldn't let him see me cry.

The abused girl is now living with her sister and comes to work everyday. Her bruises are fading and her smile comes more often. I'm so glad she's ok...

This week we found out a little girl that regularily comes to the center, approximently 12 years old, was almost raped by her father. She now lives in our night shelter and is going through counselling at Licadho, the NGO that helped us with the other girl.

Then E. and I were awoken in our sleep at 3:30 am by the sounds of fighting outside our house. A man was kicking and punching a girl. She was screaming...we woke to her cries. The man ran off on his motto and left her in a pile on the ground. I wanted to run to her to grab her and bring her to my bed...but E. stopped me. I need to be careful and others were there to help her...

It's sometimes difficult for me to see not only the one girl out of the 60 who is hurt, lost, hungry or alone. It's hard for me to work in a health care situation where only SICK girls come to me. This creates an unrealistic view of Daughter's. This narrow tunnel of vision makes me think nothing good is happening. But it is! Amazing changes are occurring in the lives of these girls. Long term changes, that affect their children, their husbands and themselves. So...when you hear me speak of the sadness....know that there is happiness too! Lot's of it!

Like yesterday; I was so happy when three pregnant wonders knocked on my clinic door b/c they were worried about their friend. She was experiencing some false labor pains yesterday and her friends wanted me to ask Ruth, our boss, if she could give out her pay before payday to pay for the delivery! I was so happy that they were coming to me! They obviously cared about their friend AND felt empowered enough to come on her behalf!!! It meant the world to me to sit in a circle with these women and see them care and advocate on their friends behalf!!

I guess I'm learning that sad stuff happens, but that slowly but surely change is coming...

I asked God today how He copes with this stuff. How does He make sense of the awful stories of pain? How does He muddle through or make sense of the pain when I only see one girl and He sees the entire world?

Tears of the Saints

2009-03-23T20:21:00.006+07:00

The Way of Love

¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJjg1Joag_0

Happy Birthday Eileen!

2009-03-17T09:16:00.002+07:00

Today is Eileen's birthday. This past Saturday Charlotte, Eileen and myself went to Hotel Le Royale. This is a picture from outside the hotel. It was very fancy!

Daughter's Clinic

2009-03-16T10:32:00.004+07:00

MIA

2009-03-05T12:31:00.002+07:00

Hey, just wanted to quickly say that I've been missing in action as of late and apparently people have been worried....

no need!!

My close Khmer friend here in Cambodia has been having a rough time related to his father suffering from an aneurysm in his brain. His father had the aneurysm on February 1st and recently died on March 1st. I was able to be there for the family and offer my medical advice and comfort to the mother and to my friend.

I am learning so much about Buddhist culture as the funeral and such are Buddhist. It is scary to me. The differences. The fear. The lack of hope that the family feels. It is a 100 day mourning period and yesterday morning the father's body was burned at the pagoda/Wat.

It was very sad and distressing seeing how the family watched his body burning....I love my friend so much and I see him as a brother...which makes it more hard for me to see him losing his father at the age of 21 years.

I have had many people die that were close to me or close to someone I know, in the past 3 weeks. A man who farmed near our farm in Manitoba died of Cancer, my close friend's mother died also of cancer in B.C., now my Khmer friend's father died of an aneurysm and just yesterday one of my patients who was 4 months pregnant with twins lost her babies....

I am exhausted.

Made from Dust

2009-02-23T11:25:00.003+07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the "Better-then-you" fight that we all seem to be in. The "I'm prettier- fitter- taller- leaner- brighter- smarter- and more 'better' then you" fight.

I know I'm guilty of this mentality. The idea that I have to beat someone else and the constant comparing and judging that we have to do in order to decide who's better.

I think this fight has trickled into the church. The need to have our skirts always ironed, our Bibles always ready, our "Amen's" proudly audible. We've become addicted to perfection. And this places our worth in our ability to quote the scriptures eloquently, to win at a game of Bible pursuit, to know who Mephibosheth is and if we don't...then we soon should! We think we're the only ones wrestling to stay afloat. And honesty is thrown out the window.
The opposite then occurs: our hate for the sick, the ugly, the incapable, the smelly, the "un-saved" or the...sinner.

Yet Jesus never fed into any of this. He went against the grains of humanity and found solace in the house of the tax collectors, drank water from the wells of prostitutes, friendship with the poor fishermen. He didn't sit and entertain kings or prance around in lively colored gowns. He loved. He loved the ones no one dared look at.

He whispers that kind of love still today and reaches out His arms to the

wounded, blind, sick, marginalized, dirty, deformed, homosexual, AIDS victims, pro-choice, sexually perverse, wicked, slow, despicable, addicted, uneducated, liberal, communist, dark skinned, jailed, ugly and sinful...

Why is it we feel uncomfortable with these kinds of people? Where did this mentality begin that "we're different/better" from them? And most importantly, where the idea come from that these people aren't the ones that we should welcome into our churches? Since when are we ever better then anyone else?

Jesus calls us to let go of our judgement stones and forgive them. To realize that grace is for all. The scale is equal.

John Stott- an interpretation of Matthew 25 by a homeless women:

I was hungry and you formed a humanities group to discuss my hunger.
I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your church and prayed for my release.
I was naked and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance.
I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for your health.
I was homeless and you preached to me of the spiritual shelter of the love of God.
I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.
You seem so holy, so close to God,
but I am still very hungry - and lonely - and cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't worry...

God remembers we are made from dust; That we make constant mistakes.

He remembers and yet still believes that the greatest among His loves is us.

"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." (Lao-Tzu)

2009-02-21T14:06:00.002+07:00

Does the compassionate life not demand that we be present to those who suffer; does it not require that we enter into solidarity with the poor, oppressed, and downtrodden; does it not motivate us both to move into the thick of life and to experience the hardships of existence in solidarity with the outcasts?

- Henri Nouwen,
Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life

I am seeking to be such an individual who is entirely loving so as others see me as a person to confide in and not hide from.

Frisco 3

2009-02-16T10:11:00.003+07:00

This week I was able to access 48 cans of powder baby formula for ages 1-3 years!!

This has come at such a pivotal time as many of my "younger/cuter" clients have been ill with diarrhea due to their diet of rice water.

I ventured across the city in a tuk tuk with Dinet and Nancy, the older nurse volunteer to an NGO called RiverKids. They work with street kids who live along the river (as the name implies) and provide free schooling, showers, lice treatment, meals and vocational training). Daughters partners with the group Chab Dai (sp?) which works with sexually exploited or at risk children and women. RiverKids were donated 1000's of dollars in baby formula this month that will expire by March 1, 2009. They emailed all the Chab Dai partners to offer us our own bit of this amazing donation!!

We rushed the 48 cans home and treated them like gold. I quickly emptied the boxes and made a pyramid of the cans on my clinic desk. The pic is of my translator, Dinet, and I trying to decide a way to give them out to our mothers who work with us without causing a stampede or fist fight. I looked through the girls charts and wrote down every girl who had a child between the ages of 6 months to 3 years. 17 girls!!!

I called the girls down and filed them into my hallway just outside the clinic. I hushed them all and began to tell them that something exciting has just happened. Their conversations halted and all their eyes were on me. I told them that on the other side of the door was a gift for all of them that would give a healthier future to their children. I told them that we all had to be very respectful and quiet. I reminded some of them of their requests for formula this week and also of many of their sick children. I told them that we had received a donation of 48 cans of formula for them to use for their children.

I informed them that even though some of them had more then one child between the specified ages that they would only receive one can like the rest who have only one child. I informed them that if they finish their can that they need to return with the empty can in order to receive another can. I also very seriously (!) told them that this formula was in no way to be sold or bartered. That they needed to know how wonderful this was for their child's health. And if I found out that one of them had sold their can that I would be very sad and disappointed. (great way to lay on the guilt, huh?)

Oh was there ever a party in the clinic that afternoon. Pictures, hugs, smiles, songs and babies flew around the room!!

It was one of the happiest days of my life!

This being said, i am very hesitant to hand out formula unless a donation has come in. It promotes mothers to stop breastfeeding and also creates an unhealthy relationship with me and causes dependency to remain the number one problem in the clinic. I pray that these cans will give their children a head start (or a catch up) and i hope that i will find ways and strength to explain i can't keep giving...

The weather today...

2009-02-08T15:16:00.000+07:00

Today's High:
Today's Low:

36º C
20º C

The Gentler Sex

2009-02-03T10:53:00.005+07:00

Every minute 1 woman dies from a problem related to pregnancy.

Every year 75,000 women die from unsafe abortions.

Two thirds of the women around the world are poor.

That oughta get your attention!!

Women's Health:

Sure I'm a woman, I guess, but it's completely different to be in charge of 50-75 women's health. It's been my life for the past 7 months! I'm learning things about what these girls, these women, are faced with every day. The clinic received a textbook/book from a YWAM group called, "Where Women Have No Doctor." I've been reading it like mad this past week. This is what I've learned:

Women are more likely then men to be poor and often among the poorest of the poor.

Millions of women are caught in a cycle of poverty even before birth.

In poor families girls get less food then boys, therefore stunting their growth.

Exhaustion, poor nutrition, lack of good care during pregnancy puts them at risk for poor health.

Poverty forces her into relationships where she depends on men to survive. For fear of losing his economic support, she withstands unsafe sex and violence.

She has low status which affects how she is treated, how she values herself, what she's allowed to do, and the kinds of decisions she's allowed to make. Therefore she's denied simply b/c she's a woman.

I have this crazy heavy heart for the issues of poor women in my area of the city of PP. I read these stats that i listed at the top and I realize how lucky I am to be and do something about them. I sat down this past week and re-evaluated my work. I've been running on high from July-Dec. And now Ruthie's left work. I've been struggling to keep my head above water. I think the last story of the woman who is pregnant and has no food that I wrote about really got to me. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach.

I'm into health education. I see and know how powerful and mighty it is.
Education equals changes, and change equal life!

I don't want to just pass these girls a fish, I want to teach them how to fish. I can't keep giving out medications...i want them to know how to prevent the headache, diarrhea, sore teeth, etc. from happening in the first place.

I've completely revamped the clinic schedule!! (On top of the fact that I need to focus more on sustainability, the fact that the clinic's funding has been pulled from our funder is another major reason why I have to cut down my clinic hours. 150.00/mth is what it takes to run it, and we don't even have that...)

Monday: Nancy (my older nurse partner) will take charge of the pregnant and post-natal clients of mine. Educating them and sharing with them knowledge such as: importance of breastfeeding, exercise, diet and rest. etc.
Tuesday/thursday: Completely devoted to Education days
Wednesday/Friday: full day clinic days

I'm dreaming big! I'm going upstream! I'm looking at the root problems. I'm asking the "But Why?" questions.
Such as, okay, Sexually Transmitted Infections are rampant. Why? Becaue their men are infecting them. But Why? Because their men refuse to wear condoms. But why? Because they don't know/don't give a rat's ass about the transmission of these infections. Okay: there it is; education!

That's my rant for today. Oh and the woman who I spoke of who is pregnant has just told me today that her son has TB...pray....please.
Her mother has agreed to work at the trash dump to collect recyclables to bring in an income. For every kg of recycling she finds she will get 300 riehls...less then 10 cents. Honestly? Really? Honestly? Sometimes all I can do is shake my head...and right now that's exactly what i'm doing.

Interested in Cambodia?

2009-01-29T19:44:00.000+07:00

http://cambodia.ka-set.info

Life...

2009-01-29T18:53:00.003+07:00

I've had a very busy week and it's not even Friday yet!

A couple from Toronto came to Phnom Penh this week with their organization (i seem to not recall the correct name at this time) called Health Ministry International (?). Ken Gamble is a doctor and his wife Linda is a nurse. (They look and act like Aunty Wilma and Uncle Ken. Ken is maybe a bit less animated then uncle ken but Linda looks like aunty wilma and acts like her too. And is just as encouraging!! She even cries easy like Aunty Wilma!!) They've worked in remote areas in Africa and Pakistan and have a heart for assisting missionaries that are out and about in their environments. They came to PP to do just that; to minister to the ones ministering! And guess what? I was on their list of VIP to see!!!

I went with them to the CSI hospital to have a "chat" with the doctor(s) about the health challenges in Cambodia. I found it overwhelming and also encouraging. I missed talking with other health professionals. Hearing the health jargon, discussing the issues I face as well and to be in, what felt like, a REAL hospital!! A pharmacist, a nurse, a physiotherapist and all those other people that make our lives as a health professional easier. ie. Team partners.

I realized then how alone I am. And it allowed me to take a deep breath and pat myself on the back...because i finally saw why i feel tired and exhausted. And why I feel overwhelmed...I don't have anyone to partner with. Ruthie is gone. And I bless her journey, but that leaves me without a vent system.

I do need to tell you all that I have a "helper nurse"with me now. She is older. I'm not sure exactly how old. But she graduated in 1965 from Nursing and had a family shortly after and left the health industry until....now! So...it's been a bit different to get used to me teaching the new fish. And it's a lot more tiring then Ruthie let on when I first came. I am still unsure where she's going to fit in the clinic b/c of her lack of up to date skills or abilities. I am trying to have patience...

Today was one of those days as a nurse where your wall of "professional compassion" for some reason crumbles and you just can't help but break down emotionally and be affected deeply by their story. I keep an emotionally healthy wall up so that I don't break down emotionally with everyone...but sometimes they get around that wall...

It was the usual story: mother of 2 young ones. She's aged 24. Lives with her mother and sister and is the main financial support. She's pregnant again by a man that she thought would stick around to help her out financially but he has gone. She shared with me that she doesn't eat some days b/c they have no food, no money. She sacrifices for her children. She sacrifices her food.

I've seen her around a lot. She looks spaced out all the time. I thought it might be drugs but I think it's sheer exhaustion. She told me about how she wanted to breast feed with each pregnancy but her milk only came for 1 month. I think b/c of her lack of nutrients from food, she is unable to provide a milk supply. Her body just doesn't have anything else to give.

I sat there. Stunned. Emotionally spent. My shoulders slumped down, my eyes fell to the floor, i let out a sigh...
I gave her multivitamins, calcium/vit D, and iron. I told her the importance of eating healthy but it came down to the money. There just wasn't any. Her sister lent some money to a friend and when her friend had no money to pay her back, she ran away. Now her sister is left with her friend's debts. And because my client financially supports her sister, she is paying for the debt of her sister's friend...200 dollars!!! When you don't even have 10 cents to rub together, 200 dollars seems like 200 000 dollars!!

What could I do?!!

In the Bible it says, "This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." (The Message)

I would do anything for this girl. I wanted to so badly switch places with her. I would put my life on the line for her...I loved her so much it ached inside.

What could I do?!!

Nothing. I could do nothing but pray. I knew that she's given a great salary with short hours here at Daughter's. Just like the other girls, she has to take what we CAN give and make of it something useful for her future. She has to be proactive in her life. She has an awesome opportunity working with us at Daughter's. She isn't alone. She has a way. We just need to point her in that direction.

I tried to be very professional and say the right words at first. My translator spoke every word I said in Khmer to her. I tried to keep it together but I couldn't. I spoke one word; "Lord." And the tears started coming. My nose started running. And I felt a need to be transparent. As I cried to the God of the heavens, as I knelt on my knees beside this poor pregnant soul, as I felt the weight of her struggles physically on my own shoulders, as I felt unworthy to even be the one requesting these miracles; I didn't care. I just lifted my prayers to Him. Because I had no one else to turn to.

I told God that I didn't know what to do. I cried for a miracle. For the jars of rice to be plentiful. For each kernel to be stretched. Like the jars of oil in the bible...I prayed that the food she would eat to be blessed so that that small amount would nourish her...

As I struggled through a cracked and weak voice, I heard her sniffles beginning. She saw my pain and she knew that I was crying b/c I was affected by her pain, I had heard her and I was standing with her. I was standing in Solidarity. I was her friend. I knew her struggles. She was not alone.

I would ask that you hold this beautiful woman in prayer with me. Her children are 9 months and 2 years and she is due in August. Pray for God's hand in her life. Pray that she would see that her only hope is God her Father.

Thank the Lord for a center and NGO like Daughter's of Cambodia!! They provide a salary, a clean and safe place to work with staff who are loving and understanding. They provide free daycare for their children and offer a housing space for anyone who really needs it next door in the shelter. Also they are allowed free counseling and health care. Numerous workshops are put on to educate the girls re: budgeting, health, love, forgiveness, and hope in Jesus Christ. Without this place of work they would be destitute. It's easy to see this woman's story and think all is lost...but it's not. She's entering into a phase in her life that offers a way out. I can't wait to see what working at Daughter's will do for her future!! There is amazing opportunities and I will continue to encourage her to take advantage of them!

Anna-belle!

2009-01-23T16:29:00.004+07:00

I'd like to introduce you all to my new bicycle; Anna-belle! She and I are going places!

Gratefulness!

2009-01-14T08:30:00.003+07:00

It's baby season! I swear! It's like as soon as we hit December the babies started popping!

We've had 4 babies born since December. Three beautiful girls and one precious boy! I just took two more girls to RHAC (reproductive health association of Cambodia, run by USAid) health clinic to have an ultrasound yesterday! Ratanak has been funding the births as well as vitamins/supplements and one ultrasound for each girl. I am so thankful.

It's a magical gift to shower attention and concern onto these mothers who have known none of this before. They are treated with respect and get to see and hear about their baby. They are given a 3-D picture of their little miracle to take home. I feel as if this in itself is showing them and proving to them that even though they can't see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands their children, that their little babies are real. I pray that their husbands will be inspired as well to care for their wives better after hearing and seeing their baby!

We have one girl who is HIV positive and pregnant. She is due next. She may be the cutest woman I've ever seen. She's very young and her belly is SO big! I always come and talk to her tummy and ask it how it's doing in khmer. The mother laughs and thinks I'm quite strange. I have a cousin back in Winnipeg; Lisa-Joy. She is due the exact same day as this precious girl. So when I see this girl grow and complain about her giant belly; i like to think of my cousin. It's kindof a nice gift to have this visual reminder of my cousin. I need you all to pray for this gorgeous girl. I have got her connected to a hospital here that will pay for her birth and give free antiviral meds to her baby as soon as it is born. The baby needs to be delivered in a special hospital and this hospital has agreed to pay for it. They are even willing to take the baby for 6 months to care and nurture it through the time that is most crucial for a child born of a HIV positive mother. Pray that God's hand would be in the baby as it is being delivered and that a miracle would happen; that it would not contract the virus.

I just received an email from a stranger that has without knowing it inspired me with their words. I thank God for the amazing people keeping me in prayer. This particular angel sent me a quote which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this particular time. I had been struggling with not doing enough. Not doing big enough things or curing enough or not meeting the girls expectations of a nurse. Oh dear! Will I ever learn that I am NOT enough but He is more then enough for me and all of Cambodia!?

Here's the quote: "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. It is the intensity of the love we put into our gestures that make them something beautiful for God. Intense love does not measure it just gives."

Thank you. Thank you also to my dear friend who called me yesterday and renewed my vision in Christ. I love you.

Back in the saddle?!

2009-01-06T09:53:00.002+07:00

Yesterday was my first real day back after the holidays and the YWAM team.

I was exhausted when I got home. 17 patients!! Amazing! All of those feelings and struggles and questions re-flooded my mind. Questions like: what impact have i had? Have I even dented the situation?

I am a person that sees the big picture. We're always told; "look at the big picture" or, "step back and take it in". BUT I CAN'T HERE!!

The Big Picture is out of my control. It's got too many little pictures of despair and struggles that when I even toy with the idea of looking at it's entirety then I melt into a puddle on the street. It takes all of my energy to just look at one girl at a time. To look at one area of health at a time. To have one goal at a time.

Not only do I love to look at the big picture but I am also a person that wants to SAVE THE WORLD! Yep. I am. I admit. And so I have this tendency to want to sink my nails into things. To want to control. To want to give and give and give and give. And when nothings coming back to fill me up....I "melt into a puddle on the street!" I recently had, i guess you could say, a bout of exhaustion. I learned of God's amazing grace. To be easy on myself....because?: I AM HUMAN! Wow. I feel quite silly to think that that was my lesson. Obviously I'm human! duh! But when all you see when you look around is need, and all you want to do is give, then the combo becomes deadly.....

So...I guess I'm being easy on myself. I'm praying now that God would give me a clear direction to go in. What area should I focus on? Should I focus on getting all the children vaccinated? Or all the girls tetanus shots done? Or should I teach some education classes on basic hygiene or the importance of wearing shoes/sandals? Should I get all of their eyes tested? Or should I just simply get them all HIV tested? Should I gather all the preggy ladies and do a lesson on self care and baby care? AHHHH.....there's a lot. And I want to do it all. But I just can't...

I had a revelation come to me yesterday. It was simply that "I need." I need just as much as these Daughter's need. Just as much as they need love and encouragement. I need that as well. I am the same. They are my peers. They are my sisters. I am not above or below them. They are not beyond my reach. And I am not beyond theirs. We are human and we are sinners and we are loved despite that.

I am humbled that even though I am the same age as them, that I sin just like them, that I am lost without God, just like them...that God somehow sent ME here.

And I think I know what He wants me to do.

He wants me to show them;

that I am just like them.

Amen.

Blogging time again?

2009-01-02T20:59:00.002+07:00

Happy New Year!

wow. Things I still can't believe:

1. I'm in Cambodia, S.E. Asia!? What!
2. It's January!? What!
3. We just had Christmas!? What!
4. It's 2009!? What!

Honestly. I still can't believe it to be true until I get back to Winnipeg and I see the '09 sticker pasted on my Dynasty's license plate!!! Seriously.

Okay. Yes. It's been a while. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more. Although, right now, to me, that sounds pretty lame. My life is a bit weird. So i guess that makes it a good blog!?

New Year's: It poured on Phnom Penh all night. So after we got stuck in the traffic and the rain didn't let up, we just went home. Some friend's from church came over and we (very un-celebratorily) had the count down at home. After we pulled ourselves away from the dry apartment, we went to a Chinese restaurant where E. drank 2 Red Bulls! and I had 2 SourSop's (it's a fruit drink. and it's sour. as you would assume. yes.). Then we jumped on our mottos and headed down around the airport to a "sister church" of ours and we had a DANCE PARTY!! So...there was a bit of Khmer music but then the J.T. and the T.I. came out and we had loads of fun! We got home at 5 am...and slept the next day away!! obv!

Work: well, the YWAM team has left us so it's back to normal now. i had my first normal day today. it was strange to sit in my chair and ask the usual questions and do the usual things. it's been a month since i last worked in the clinic. And i got a bit scared cause it's coming to the time when Ruthie will leave me! I'm apprensive and also excited. what a challenge?!

Random News: E. and her sister and I were in a photo shoot this afternoon at hotel Cambodiana!
It has to do with promoting tourism to Cambodia. We had to sit at this small round table on the sand, facing the Mekong River. We sat and had cocktails and got filmed doing it! It was really fun! ....nurse...aunty....actress? Sounds good to me!

Merry Christmas.

2008-12-25T09:51:00.003+07:00

I love and miss you all so much!
Here is my Christmas poem to you...

The snow smells good from over here
and your heart warmth is loud and strong;
like it's speaking in Tongues
all while the Hymnal sits comfortably in your palms
I close my eyes just to remember you laughing on the sleigh
And as I open them the music plays quickly
and I see myself in you

Oh, how the Ocean separates!
And a plane couldn't fly me quick enough to you.
My dreams are still our loves salvation road and as you sing your heart song,
I'll sing mine
And tomorrow night when you fill my lonely plate,
I'll lift my eyes to the moon and thank God for this food.

Oh, how the Ocean separates
but oh, thank God for Bethlehem!

The muchly overdue UPDATE!

2008-12-13T16:46:00.002+07:00

Merry Winter Time!

Twelve days till Christmas!? I can't believe it! The only change in seasons here is that the rains have stopped and the gorgeous winds have taken the raindrop's place! It's cooling down at night time to around 20 C and up to 30 in the day time. E. and I have been out for more walks at night and we are thoroughly thankful that we aren't drenched in sticky sweat ALL day. We're bringing out the jeans a bit more and even sweaters on some nights!! I think I may get frost bitten in July when I return to Canada's temperatures!

Oh! I still miss ski-doing with Matthew or skating on the river with Lenny or x-country skiing with Uncle Alvin or Loni. I miss sledding with the boys and cozying into bed with a comforter. I miss.....SNOW!! (i actually really do. no sarcasm here. nope!)

Okay, what can I tell you about what's been up with me?? Hmmm...so many things.

Well, I've been VERY busy this week. I've been facilitating a YWAM group from Colorado Springs. It was a last minute decision to have them come to Daughter's and Ruth asked me if I would step up. And...I DID!! They have been wonderful. They are teaching workshops on child care i.e. child abuse, hygiene, dental health, baby development, etc. Also they have taught on Domestic Violence i.e. the cycle of violence, what to do, etc. And they most recently spoke about tidiness, cleanliness and organization. Our cake making girls had a full cleaning overall on Thursday afternoon!! Spick and Span, as my mom would say!!

So I haven't been working in the clinic at all this week. It felt a bit strange but I am enjoying the break and the refreshed vision I have for myself. The team is sticking around for 3 more weeks at Daughter's. I am heading out of town for the Christmas Holidays with E.'s family from the 22nd till the 28th of December so I am not sure who's going to facilitate the team while I'm gone. I'm sure it'll all work out.

Everyone here drives with motto s. Everyone. That is the vehicle of the country. There are cars but most everyone has at least one motto per family. One day traffic was especially tight and slow so E. and I hopped off the motto and walked the rest of the way. I got off on the Right side and touched the exhaust!! My leg instantly burned with pain. I had touched my inner calf of my right leg to the exhaust and had burned myself...BADLY. It is okay now but it will scar quite definitely. It's approximately two inches in diameter. Pink, healthy skin. But a mother of a scar!! You'll see it soon!! It is very common for Cambodians to have at least one major burn from a motto. They call it the Kampuchea Kiss. So...I guess I've been branded. Should I count myself lucky?

Ruthie the nurse I work with will leave the second week in January to pursue other Cambodian adventures so I will be running solo (but we all know I really won't be;)). It is not by my power but by God's. I truly believe that. Everything will be fine...

Talk to you later,
from the one with an ugly burn on her not so white legs anymore,
Happy Holidays....
Love,
Kimber.

Rabbits and Elephants

2008-11-25T18:41:00.002+07:00

Hello my lovely friends and family!

I had the most lovely weekend so I have to tell you all about it! OBVIOUSLY!! Or should I say Obv!?

Okay, so we have a friend working in Kampot town named Jennie (she's from England). Kampot is a province southwest of Phnom Penh. E. and I travelled via Taxi to Kampot town on Friday after E. got off work (approximately 2.5-3 hours). When you think of Taxi you may think 'posh' or 'roomy' or maybe even 'relaxing'. I need you all to STOP picturing this when I say; "We went in a taxi"! The Cambodian people here like to PACK their taxi's full to make the most of the situation...your view of the taxi ride should be shifting a bit now! We rented 4 seats...meaning we got 3 seats by Cambodian measure. There were 4 poor souls in the front! There sat a grown young man by the window of the driver seat, then the driver, then another grown man and then an old woman!! Half way to Kampot the man beside the old lady vomited!!! Very bad. Very bad.

We enjoyed the ride though...thinking none of them spoke english we chatted about their face masks and their funny sounding language...then we got to Kampot and the man who puked turned around and asked in perfect English, "Where are you going?" Eek!

We spent the night at Jennie's house and then woke early to watch a dress rehearsal of the Epic Art's dance performance. Jennie works with an organization called Epic Arts. They teach dance to physically disabled children/young people. The dancers are all deaf except for a couple of them. There are also some people in wheel chairs. They danced beautifully! They used the chairs and flipped each other around and ... I was in heaven watching them! Very moving. I wanted to dance right along with them! LJ; we are definitely taking a dance class when i get back! Get ready Leisure Guide!

Then we got into a tuk tuk after our large breakfast to make our way to Kep, a small fishing town. On the way me and the ladies were laughing about things, and i was trying to take in the green of the rice fields and the lovely faces of the Khmer children waving frantically while yelling "Hello!"....I was so busy being swept up in my imagination and my daydreaming of me living as a child not on a farm in Manitoba but on a farm in Cambodia...that I did not realize that the LARGE and TALL and DARK figure on the side of the road was indeed an ELEPHANT!! It took me about 3 seconds to shout: "What the heck? It's an elephant girls!" Our tuk tuk stopped and we took some pics! Amazing. Except I was a bit scared. It was moving a lot!!!!

Then we continued on our way. We rented a little fishing boat to take us across the ocean water to Rabbit Island! It's a small island mainly used as a little retreat destination. They have small and simple bamboo huts with only a foamy on the ground with a small pillow each and a mosquito net to protect you. And the women make you rice or noodles fried with fresh shrimp/crab/chicken/pork. It was very relaxing. I lied in a hammock most of the time and stared out across the water to the mountains of Vietnam! I felt amazingly lucky and blessed to lie on a beach, to each shrimp and swim in the sunset lit waters! My life has brought me to such amazing places...and I am cherishing every minute of every opportunity. I wish you all could've been there!

It was also a bit funny! Of Course! While lying in a hammock I heard the cows moo behind me, chickens peck beside me, and goats get into trouble with the laundry lines!!! Such strange sounds and sights and SMELLS to have on a tropical island! But I felt very thankful that there were cows amongst us! I love cows. I love them very much.

We woke up at 6 am with the rooster crows and got a boat back to the mainland. Our taxi ride back to P.P. wasn't nearly as packed. Three in the front, three in the back!

I hope that paints a picture for you all! Oh, and I got a bit sun burnt, of course.

Please pray for my lower back. It is very painful. I think my foamy is a bit of a problem maker;)

chicken feathers?!

2008-11-19T10:52:00.001+07:00

I just talked to my Mom and Ken and brother and sister! I am soooo happy someone a long time ago invented a TELEPHONE!

Oh, and the air today smells like burning/singed chicken feathers! Reminds me of those chicken butcher days on the farm!

Self harm.

2008-11-18T13:51:00.002+07:00

I have a shirt that reads; "To write Love on Her Arms". It's meant to promote love and not self harm. Self cutting is a major problem here as well as in Canada. I can't tell you how many times I've had to dress a fresh laceration or dry the tears of a Daughter who wants to kill herself. My whole self aches to aid, to heal, to prevent, to educate, but mostly to point them to the direction of the ultimate healer; Our Lord.

Today I decided to go early to the clinic. Not sure why but felt like I had made a decision to leave earlier really without even making it!! Weird. Anyways, I get to work and without going straight to the clinic and unpacking my books and such, i went upstairs to say hello to the reasons i work where I work; to the Daughter's!!

I occasionally do this just to announce my presence and let them all know that if they need me that i would be in the clinic. Anyways, I walk in to the sewing room and immediately walk towards a new girl. I look down and to my horror I see an AWFUL, gaping laceration to her forearm. It was the worst self harm wound I have ever seen. Her subcutaneous tissue was spewing out and the cut was dangerously close to her brachial artery! I gasped. She was embarrassed and I realized i had to contain my surprise a little better!! I excused her from working and took her to my clinic. I grabbed my lovely Chantrea, our translator and had to take her into my little water closet (aka toilet) b/c the power had gone out and my WC is the only room in my clinic with a window. So we huddled around the toilet and I assessed the situation. She was holding back tears of fear and tears of brokenness.

I dressed and cleaned the wound and quickly wrote her a referrel form for CSI clinic here in P.P. Before sending her off I prayed for her. That our Love and the Love of the Lord would be obvious to her. And that her angels would protect her from any future harm. I also told her that she was not in trouble and that we were not sending her away b/c we were unhappy with her. But b/c we loved her and cared for her.

She's been working at Daughter's for 5 days! Thank God that she was guided to work here so that we could help her! Another thing that i am thankful for is that she kept her shirt sleeve up so that she did not have it hidden from my eye sight. Her other sleeve was covering her arm and that arm had no lacerations on it!

I wish to remain faithful and follow the guidance that dwells deep down in my soul. So that I will not miss any opportunities to aid in the healing and care of any of His beloved children!

The Kampuchea Rains

2008-11-16T16:33:00.002+07:00

My Heavenly Treasures cost much more these days;
I'm feeding children apples and elephants money
and my angels are jumping off buildings in their spare time.
These midday winds still clear my mind
and the Kampuchea Rains purify my heart while the dirt still sticks to my shoes.
The moments flip over each other so fast your face got lost weeks ago
and when the babies come running for help;
I see tears in the angels eyes.
And I don't know if I'll be able to meet you on the other side
cause your eyes, i know, can't see the angels cry.

My heart contains both the scents of a Holy Glory and the sour taste of Ache
And I don't know what I'll do with you when the power strikes true
or if the River swells above you-- I might just have to jump through;
cause I left my body back there with you when the plane took flight
but your pretty eyes keep looking to the East
And I wonder what you're going to do when your body gets left behind.
Will you follow it back to the Beginning of Time or silently blow it a kiss good-bye?
All while the Kampuchea Rains fall fast...

Meet me on the otherside.

2008-11-14T12:20:00.002+07:00

Water Festival!!
Phnom Penh has just finished it's humongous water festival. There are boat races in the mekong river and teams from all over the country come to the city to have a festival! The city swells with 2 million guests! Amazing, huh?

E. and I took a little walk down to the river yesterday to see the boats and people watch. Many of the people who come from the province for the festival are very "rural"...and are even more awestruck by white skin then the usual P.P. dwellers. Fun times, fun times!

While E. and I were people watching, drinking some iced coffee, and discussing our love for P.P., three lovely young boys spotted us and decided to make us their friends. They said they were around 12-15 years old but i would put them at around 10/11 years. We named them; Nuon (b/c he looks like my lovely tall friend at the gym), Capitain (b/c he was the leader of the posie, hands down. Despite his short height he was a child of confidence), and lastly Goalie (b/c he said that when he grew up he wanted to play Football).

They came to our table at the outdoor restaurant and we smiled and they smiled and through our LOVELY waitor, we asked them about themselves. Oh, they are adorable young men! They acted so mature and stood with their arms crossed, their legs crossed...but their smiles gave them away!! They would go and walk around and then always come back to us. Eventually they asked if they could have 500 riels each to buy icecream. 1500 riels is about 27 cents. So E. gave them a dollar so that they could get a real treat for the three of them. Their eyes were wide with excitement. They ran off and then they returned again!! They had boughten us a bag of sugar canes for us to eat. They had used the money we had given them to also buy us a treat too!! They were honestly thankful for our gift to them and we were so happy that they had come back!! (side note: the sugar canes actually weren't that good...i hid them on my lap so that when they returned they would think we had eaten them! What?! I didn't want to break their precious hearts!)

They told us that they played football together. And when they came to say goodbye to us and to tell us that they were going to play football we asked if we could follow!! They took us through the crowded streets. Always a couple steps ahead but always looking back with their lovely white teeth to make sure we were okay!

We got to a little park filled with football players and we sat on a bench and watched our lovely boys play. (Goalie boy obviously played goalie, Capitain was a firey little offense player and Nuon squatted on the side...maybe not so good at football? Who knows!) I felt like my mom when i was a little girl. Sitting by the pool while little Kimmy screamed for her to "watch mom, watch me do this!" I pretended they were my nephews; Cameron and Mitchy. I sat there in complete contentment! I felt so much love for these little wonders. And I prayed as I sat there, "God, bless my boys! Bless their hearts!"

We had to eventually leave. But I hope to find my way back there again soon. To see my little boys again and to bless them, like they blessed me that day.

God, bless my boys!

Frog legs.

2008-10-31T17:07:00.002+07:00

I ate frog today.
My life is now complete.
Enough said.

Dwight Schrute and Dog heads

2008-10-26T21:19:00.003+07:00

Well, it's Sunday night. And I've had a very happy and FILLED weekend!

E. and I made our way on a little motto to Toul Kork to visit our Canadian (Regina/Calgary) friends to watch the new Office episodes. It was dark, around 7pm, while we tried to find their house so it made it a bit more difficult. You see, in Phnom Penh, NO ONE knows street numbers or house numbers or numbers, really, at all! It's about land marks. So when our friend tells us a street number it means nothing to anyone else except little E. and I.

So we had to turn around a lot and re route and say sorry over and over to our poor, confused motto dop! BUT we found it. They live on the second floor of an apartment. And right outside their apartment is a little restaurant. And guess what they sell? Dog heads!! Yep. We had a little sneak peak of the meal too! E. was pointing it out and I couldn't really believe it until I saw it. So I walked up to this very smelly and hot stove/fire pit and I saw it! A dog's head that was roasted and I think skinned. It's teeth were bared and I don't remember any eye balls or ears cause all I could focus on were these teeth!

We had to walk through the third world practically to get up to their apartment and we watched the three new episodes!! FUNNY. They made cookies for us too by frying the batter in a pan. We have no ovens so this is the way!

Then on saturday we went to the gym/pool and to a foot ball game! Cambodia vs. Brunei. Cambodia won! AND....I gave my phonenumber to a Cambodian sweet heart!! I know I know. Why would I do that? But to tell you the truth; he just sucked me in. He's 23 and goes to uni. And I will never see him again...even if he texts me late at night saying he is lonely!! Shame shame.

Then we went later to a photo exhibition near our home. The photographers were children from the Stung Meanchey landfill. Gorgeous and moving photos from the eyes of children! Of course seeing how it was a combo of Stung Meanchey, Photography, and children...I was in my element. AND E. picked up a kitten and we petted it!! It felt like my birthday I said. .....we love cats. Obv.

Then we went to Church today. The morning and evening service. I have no words to express to you the encouragement I have received from the New Life Church. There are a couple church's here by that name but this one is on St. 318, if you know the city...which I know some of you reading do;)

I am learning of the power of our God and the sadness He holds for Cambodia. He revealed to me that when the rain comes it is His tears flowing down; it is His love. He sends His heart and peace to us everyday to reveal to us that He has not forgotten Cambodia. He is aching and He is crying. He also revealed to me while watching little girls dancing and jumping in church tonight that we are His children. And that when the rains of Love pour down, that we are not just to walk and run for shelter from the wet...but we are to jump in the puddles...we are to be drenched in His love.

We are seen. We are loved. We are free.
Now go and live the Life He has prepared for you!

Ponder Ponder Ponder Ponder...

2008-10-23T20:05:00.003+07:00

Ahhh....!
Sometimes I just feel like I am going to explode! Today our three month anniversary of being in Cambodia. And it feels like it's been longer and at the same time I just am floored to think that it's been three months already!! Ahhh!

I thought that by this time I would have everything figured out. You know; the poverty bit, or the cultural shocks, or knowing where I fit, or, well...I don't know. But...tah ta da dah! I DON'T!

I am more torn as the days go by. Questions such as:

Why and how can this kind of poverty exist?
What does God think of this?
How do I, personally, make sense of it all?
How do I go home now after all this?
How can we live so obliviously to it in Canada?
What should I do when June '09 comes around?

I'm all by myself at the clinic now. Nurse Ruth has her family here for the next month and a half so I am the chief Nurse at Daughter's clinic!! Me?! Kimmy bimmy simmy?! Oh dear. And I've already had quite a week! I'm back from Dengue Fever Hell and I am faced with the area we work in in P.P. again. The stink, the filth, the dead chickens, the smelly children, the brothels, the scary men who say 'sexy lady' to me in my sweaty-ness!!

Like today for instance. My patient's consisted of:

1. infected rat bites. They bite her while she sleeps. I had to pop her with antibiotics!!
2. incomplete abortion. She's decided the baby really wants to stay so she'll let it. Her words.
3. genital herpes. enough said.
4. domestic violence. He's African. She's Khmer. She tried to hide it. I questioned further.
5. back pain, headaches due to insomnia, nautious pregnancies, etc.

The list goes on.
BUT...I love being here still! Weird! I love being 'in' it. Hearing the stories and fighting back this innate sense to keep it at a distance. I love the challenge of stripping away my Western views and looking right in the eyes of these girls and realizing, really knowing, inside this little heart, that this is reality. This is not a movie. And what can I do for them?

It is draining and inspiring and invigorating and...obviously I'm a bit tired at night! I worry about not being enough. About not being a good nurse for them. Will I make it while Nurse Ruth is gone?

I took two girls to get a scan of their unborn babies today at RHAC! 11 whole dollars. One little boy is due 12/12/2008 and a little girl is due on 11/02/2009!! I wish you all could've seen the mother's faces when they saw the ultrasound of their babies! It was like it was all worth it. I got a little choked up myself. of course. These women have no idea. They are carrying a life b/c they have decided to let it live. Amongst all the babies that die everyday by abortions...they are the lucky babies. I think about these babies and who they will be. Will they be the future generation who will DO something about the poor area we work in? Will they love God? Will they even survive?

I should just stop myself now...my ramblings could go on...

I see rats, giant gecko's and bats everyday! And instead of getting thicker skin...I am more terrified of them as the days go on! I am....pathetic.

Hugs,
Nurse Kimberly....aka Srey Kim.

Dengue Fever

2008-10-15T13:06:00.003+07:00

Okay. So it looks like I have Dengue Fever. It's spread through Mosquitoes and they still have no vaccine for prevention.

No need to get worried. Thankfully I seem to have contracted the mild version. My symptoms are textbook though. It's weird reading signs and symptoms for an illness and having every single one of them!

They include: fatigue, joint pain, a persistent headache, back pain, poor appetite, a red rash that begins on the legs and chest, fever and... cough cough...toilet issues. And apparantly symptoms last for around 7-8 days.

Ruthie has encouraged me to get my blood examined to confirm that I do indeed have a mild case of the illness and not the Hemorrhagic strain. She has advised me to stay home this week as well. So....it's Wednesday last time I checked and I can't wait for E. to get home from work. I've been watching The Office reruns and I'm beginning to scare myself with Dwight Schrute impersonations.

Oh dear.

Hip Hip Horray!!

2008-10-12T07:52:00.002+07:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

E. and I were invited to a Canadian families house for Thanksgiving last night. We gathered all the Canadians we knew for a special "family" dinner! It was great. (E. and I brought buns...lame...but very important!) It was nice to have English filling my ears ALL night. Our new Canadian friends from church also were there. Lot's of laughs and funny discussions about "The Office"...they are also fans. I tried to do an impersonation of Angela but I think I can blame my awful performance on the fact that I am ill....(it involved apple cidar)

On our way home from the event my bag was almost stolen. A man on a motto drove up behind us (E. and I were doubling on a motto) and grabbed it while I was pointing to something (probably a kitten;)). I quickly pulled it back and he was unable to get it! It had my wallet, camera, phone and keys in it! The strange thing is that he was a MAN! And I'm Kimmy...with pipes the size of, let's say; a smokey! How did I do that? And how could I be so quick to react? I am surely THANKFUL!! My heart was a poundin' when we got home!

This week has been extremely difficult for me. E. and I have both started to feel ill beginning on saturday and I have gotten worse. On Thursday a dear little 7 year old girl came to me in the clinic and said her tummy hurt. Thank goodness my translator was there to ask more questions. She went on to tell us that not only did her tummy hurt but also her vagina. She told us that in the night three "ghosts" that looked like men took her from her home and held her down by her neck, hands and legs. She said that worms were on her. I have a couple ideas what they could be. She was so scared when it happened that she kept her eyes closed and didn't see who it was. I was able to do a rape assessment on her and confirm that she was indeed assaulted.

We were able to have her gramma agree to give her to us and to make a long story short, we have found her and her older brother a lovely place at Place of Rescue to live, with Marie Ens!!

This was very hard for me. She is an innocent, gorgeous little girl who shouldn't have to worry about things like this! She was very distraught and sad when she first came to me. Chantrea, my translator/counsellor and I took her to the counselling room and we were with her all afternoon. Chantrea got her to use teddy bears to explain what had happened to her. I wasn't able to understand what she was saying in Khmer but by watching the actions of the teddy bears alone, I was able to get an idea. I watched her little mouth moving and high-pitched sweet voice speak and I wanted to take this all away. This day will go down in history as a day of pain AND freedom for her! "Out of ashes, there is beauty"....

I started to pray for her. I prayed that her pain would be taken away. And that if it was possible, I would shoulder her burdens. At around 3pm I started to feel awful. My back and legs ached tremendously. My head pounded. Even my jaw was tight. Another counsellor named Elizabeth from Switzerland told me that often caregivers who pray for physical pain to flee their clients will sometimes begin to feel that same pain in their bodies. I was exhausted when I got home. And teh next morning I woke up with a terrible migraine and I was fevered. I had to stay home from work.

I still am not 100% again but I am sleeping well at night and resting as much as possible.

I am amazed that what I thought were my own small plans for a Cambodian Adventure were actually all part of a bigger plan. And I am so thankful that my little girl could trust to come to ME and share with ME such horrific things.

My prayer is that not only am I placed on this earth to live, but to help other's to survive...

Love your Shy Birdie X

Wish I were there...

2008-10-07T13:48:00.004+07:00

Hello. I know this a bit late but E. and I have taken a video greeting for Aaron and Juanita on their wedding day! We truly wished we were there to share in the celebration so we had one of our own...oh and please be easy on us ladies. It's a bit embarassing making a video like this;)

Well, I haven't shared since our holidays to the beach! It was lovely, wet, and an adventure for sure! It's the rainy season so of course it rained EVERYDAY...but we managed to get a tan, eat good food, go bush wacking and make new friends!

This past Saturday some staff from Daughter's and I took 10 children to a water park! We piled all 10 of them in a tuk tuk and then the rest of us traveled by motto. It was so much fun!! Some of the kids had never swam before and they tried their hardest but drowned frequently. I was the nurse/lifeguard with Nurse Ruth and we definetly had our hands full! Children drowning left and right was not part of our SAturday Outing plan..but oh well, we managed to pile them back into the tuk tuk and got them home in one piece for their Mama's!! (Just to add; they laughed hysterically at my bathingsuit! It was a tankini for goodness sakes!)

There is a wonderful school called Luxton School in the north end of Winnipeg that my nephews went to for a while. They have this family center that the mom's and their younger children can hang out in and wait for their children to be done for the day. Of course I popped in every once in a while and became Aunty Kim to all of the little kids! I thought of them today as I had to babysit a 3 week old baby girl and our little Caleb (11 months old) while their mom's worked upstairs and while I oversaw a cocconut/christmas decoration making class I run every tues/thurs. I pretended I was in Winnipeg and that the baby who just peed on me was Vicky's little Graham!! They call me Ming Kim here. Ming means aunty! Ahhh....I like the sound of that!

Here's a small pic of a meal some of us shared at FCC, it is a Western run restaurant/bar down by the riverfront. It is a very historical site for westerners in Cambodia. This is where the UN came to take all of the westerners out of the country during the Khmer Rouge. I think a helicopter was involved and a lot of scary moments too....

Ruthie on the left, then E., Charlotte (our new friend from UK) and me!

Proof!

2008-09-23T19:37:00.006+07:00

Greetings!

I've downloaded two more videos for you all! It rained hard this week and I think I captured it perfectly. E. was feeling rather adventurous and wanted to prove to you all the RAIN we have to endure. These videos were taken at the beginning of the typhoon (i thoroughly enjoy using that word)...you can imagine how much more rain filled the streets later on;)

We had a holiday this past Wednesday. It was Constitution day, I believe. Obviously not that big of a deal cause I had to work! After work I met up with some of the staff for a supper meeting at Sovanna Shopping Center...except of course, I went to the wrong shopping center and had to make them wait while I took another motto to get to the actual destination! Yes, these happenings seem to happen often! I'm beginning to think they are part of my character....sadly.

Anyways, the story isn't about me getting mixed up! It's about my journey to the actual destination that brought me such trauma. Okay it was around 5:30/6pm, so it was getting dark. I had taken a motto that I knew from our corner. Reliable. Trustworthy. But when the darkness set in I felt a bit unsafe. On the way to the first center the clouds started to darken. I was scared it was going to break out in thunder any minute.

All of a sudden I heard sirens. I looked back to see not 4, but 5 half tons filled with millitary staff. They were armed. Automatically I froze with fear. My motto slowed down and hugged the curb. My mind started to race. It was Constitution Day. I thought about all the stories I had heard about Pol Pot, about when the people thought they could celabrate because of their independence but instead they were massacred. My mind automatically went to the most horrific places. "I'm going to die", I thought. Yep. It's the end.

As the trucks passed me, the soldiers of course noticed my white skin. I was both scared and embarrassed at the same time. What to do?...so I smiled! Oh dear. Well, honestly, what else was I supposed to do? They had guns for goodness sake!! They passed. No gun shots. No death....yet. (excuse my over dramatization of such a simple, silly event...but I am Kimberly Foster...and it is a bit scary to see shotguns!)

Later on in my travels to the "right" shopping center, I came across a major motto accident. Three mottos involved. I only saw one casualty; a large laceration to the ride leg. I was still scared spitless about the rifles so I stuck to my motto dop like a burr to a cat, no way was I going to attempt to get off and help him! I think the mottos involved were hauling tubs of petrol b/c there was petrol all over the street. I was worried something would catch it on fire and I hoped my motto dop would not drive through it! But...he did. I put my little white arms about my motto dops waist and prayed for God to take me quickly!

Needless to say, I survived the entire evening without any bullet wounds or burns!

Thank you for your continued prayers of safety and protection...you can see how much I need them!

Officially pumped.

2008-09-22T19:53:00.003+07:00

I am officially counting down the days until this weekend.
It's Festival of the Dead. I'm not even gonna attempt to write the Khmer name for it! Buddhist Cambodians head to the temples during this very "special" festival to offer sacrifices and gifts to Buddha. Let's just say the monks will eat well.

Big EZ and I are heading out of town though to the BEACH. Sihanoukville to be exact. It's about a 2 hour bus ride from lovely PP. Our beautiful hotel is equiped with AC, a pool, free breakfast, two single beds and is a hop skip and a jump from the ocean. And the going rate is a whapping 20 USD!

Okay, so the beach excites me; tanning the bod, reading a good book and sleeping... but what I'm most excited about is one of our day trips that we're planning. It's to Ream National Park. About half an hour motto ride (apparantly) from Sihanoukville to the...jungle! We're going on a boat tour through the Mangroves to an island where we can go snorkeling around the corral! And yes Crystal, I do recognize that snorkeling involves fish being around me but I'm gonna do it! And we also are going to take a hike through the jungle. I'll be sure to post some pics of our adventure!

love,
Kimmy

untitled.

2008-09-22T19:26:00.004+07:00

Hey.

Before I get into the rest of my post I want to share some things that Eileen and I experienced this past weekend.

1. My motto driver Run is OFFICIALLY obsessed with me! He calls me on the weekends, he surprises me when I'm walking down the street with a "free" motto ride down the block, he sits outside our gate so that I HAVE to use him to get to work, AND he has now bought a brand new motto to impress me on the weekends with! It's green, so I think it's nice...E. thinks it's ugly.

2. We met some possible new friends at church. They are Canadians! She's working with Samaritan's Purse and he is an Engineer. I was so excited to talk to them I got a little giggly, loud and overdramatic...needless to say they still wanted our numbers. Yes!

3. And finally, while eating lunch after Church at Boddhi Tree a MASSIVE rat ran right beside my foot! It was probably a foot long, not including the tail!

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Today was Brothel Outreach again. We took a short motto ride through the CRAZY traffic where one of our girl's lives. It seemed like a busy place! The owner of the brothel came and introduced himself to Ruthie and I. He was quite proud of himself and very hospitable to us!

It began raining as soon as we sat down inside on the wooden framed beds. No mattresses. No pillows. Just a mat. All of the children ran outside for a shower! Completely stripped down right infront of us and had a little bit of a wash! Even the Yay's (gramma's) stripped half way naked and cooled off! It was a funny sight. I guess thinking about it; it's a strange thing to sit on a bed with half naked men in a brothel!! Yet it was so normal.

The gramma's are so cute. They all have shaved heads and they have the worst teeth ever! Today they got really close and looked like they wanted to eat me! Don't worry, I got away.

We treated about 30 people today. I had 3 women with serious STI issues, numerous men with gastric reflux, some MAJOR hypertensive women and one girl with an actual perforated ear drum!! We passed out a lot of condoms to the extremely embarassed and also extremely ripped guys and then we were on our way.

Here's a short video of the Tuol Thom Pong market:

love,

Kimmy

A Heart Overflowing.

2008-09-18T19:48:00.003+07:00

Update on the last post...the little girl that we lost to the Brothels has RETURNED!! Yay. I was able to give her a thorough assessment and then I sent her to our counsellor. She drew a marvelous pic for me!

Also, sadly the girl who was gang raped is riddled with STI's and the doctors have advised us taht it is better if she aborts. We are also worried she may commit suicide. She has already shared that she tries punching the baby and has thrown herself on her tummy on a chair recently....I am lost in sadness. Please, keep her in your thoughts. I visited her home yesterday so that she can believe we truly care for her. I love her.
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I have been given much! I was born in Dauphin, Manitoba, CANADA; a small town filled with farmers, horsemen and cattlemen...oh, and parogies! I grew up with clean air, food, friends, and family. I learned about hard work on the farm- how to move cattle, how to ride a horse, how to call a kitty, and how to gut a chicken! I learned both pain, disappointment AND forgiveness and love as I grew up as a young little brown eyed girl in my families home.

I was for some reason blessed with a heart overflowing. I've always known that God had a special plan for me. My heart has always physically ached to help this world. Whether it be in Dauphin, reserves in N.Saskatchewan, Vancouver, El Salvador, Peru, Churchill or a hog farm south of WPG. My prayer is that I would see what God sees...and that I would be forever changed. "The heart that breaks open can contain the whole Universe." Joanna Macy.

My spirit was broken this past year and my heart became lost. My desire to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God was nolonger there. I hated the Fruit's of the Spirit. I turned my eyes from God. But God had a bigger plan for me and He wasn't willing to lose this one lost sheep in the millions!

He took me to Peru and reminded me why I became a Nurse-He reminded me of the Passions and gifts that He had chosen for me. He used my love for the children of Peru to bring me out of the darkness. I was given a vision; He was running to find me. He would NOT give up on me!

Then without even knowing why, on a dark, snowy night on a bus bound for Dauphin, departing from Winni, I bolted straight up with the realization that I was going to CAMBODIA. I didn't know what I would do, where I would live, how I would afford it or why I should go there. But God has revealed to me little by little why.

It's b/c of that little girl who was begging on the st. in the rain and without any money I kissed my empty palms and placed them in hers.
It's for that little girl at Daughter's with a snotty nose, and an empty belly who I feed at lunch.
It's for that little boy who was thrust into my arms at the brothel who was on the verge of death who we later were blessed with a hospice AIDS room for.
It's for those motto drivers on the corner who have been financially blessed by us-they can feed their families.
It's for that one Daughter's girl who was raped everynight by her brother in law who we prayed for and she was given a safer place to stay.
And It's for that little boy who I was blessed to feed this past saturday.

it's one child at a time. One patient at a time.
Marilee Dunker, the daughter of the man (don't remember his name) who founded World Vision, said it best at church this last sunday about the injustice in this world; the question isn't what are you gonna do about it, it's WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

To whom much has been given, much is expected. I have taken that to heart. I now see that it doesn't just mean money, power, or connections...it also means love. I have a heart that loves with a mighty wave...therefore I need to use that love. I need to share that love. (plus, honestly if I didn't...I just might explode...)

I do not know what I will do after this year. But I do know that whether it's in the mountains of Pakistan or in the kitchen with a baby on my hip in Winni- I will love with the Love God has poured into me and I will be thankful.

Gang Rape.

2008-09-17T10:02:00.005+07:00

Ahhhh...sometimes it's so much easier to share about life outside of work...away from the difficult decisions and depressing news. Although it's easier to tell you all about the fun, easy, exciting news of street corner shops selling dog's heads, our increasing adventures with local rats, pool side/gym boys with hot bods, or power outages...I really do need to involve you in the tough spots.

The clinic is always a challenge. I've only been a nurse for a short time and if I didn't have Nurse Ruth here to guide my little mind I probably would sit down and explode. period.

Seeing how we diagnose, treat, medicate, refer, and CURE things without a doctor I am learning things that I've never learnt at school...oh, U of M...

Yet there are other aspects beyond what to do when a patient comes in with what you thought was an infected ingrown hair and returns 3 days later with a ghastly edematous neck and an abcess the size of Manhattan! Yes. Or a girl that tried to abort her baby but it continued to grow even though it was poinsoned. (How do I explain that the baby may have been affected?)

There are things of an emotional, spiritual and psychological nature that demand our attention. Such as a new pridicament, if you'd call it that, that I was welcomed into later last night. Boss Ruth asked if Nurse Ruth and I if we would by any means bend the rules on abortion? There is a girl that just started with us. She is from the provinces (they use this word to explain anyone who lives outside of PP) and is new to town with no relatives around...and she was gang raped by NINE men and is now pregnant. Alone. Pregnant. Raped. Traumatized.

Well...this unfortunetly is not a book that you may be reading, or a movie or a dream...this is REALITY. And I am faced with it and I am amongst the ones that have to provide an answer. How the hell can this happen to a poor soul? Nurse Ruth and I had a phone tele conference and both decided that we could not think that aborting this baby would solve her problems. She will be forever scarred by this happening and although it is her decision still, she won't take away the pain by taking away the baby. I am shocked by my view on this actually. At home, I would've hands down given into abortion. I would've seen it as torture to the mom. BUT...there are tons of options here.

We, at the clinic have decided to pay for the births (30.00), so if it is finances that are the problem we would supplement. Also, there are other places like Place of Rescue that she could turn to where they would provide a place to live, give birth and leave the baby in a safe place.
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We've also lost a girl to the sex-trade again. Her mother sold three of this girl's older sisters to be brothel workers and now her. We went to her home to see if we could find her but she is no where to be found. We saw her walking down the street when we were in our tuk tuk's on the way to the AFESIP clinic. She had matured in a blink of an eye. Changed. She was full of hate for us and didn't even acknowledge our waves and greetings. She was hardened.

They use drugs and alcohol in the beginnings to get them hooked. Then it's as if they are in a jail with no walls. They are psychologically trapped.

If you really wish to know how Kimberly's Cambodian Adventure's are going...I honestly have to share ALL of it. The dirty and the joyful.
When you pray for me. Pray for them as well. They need it more then I do.

Love Kimmy Alice.

Beggar Boy

2008-09-14T09:01:00.002+07:00

Hi! I thought I would just quickly give you a play by play of our saturday yesterday.

Every Saturday we make our way after our breakfast to Hotel Cambodiana, aka HC, to go to the Physique Club to work our physiques into wonderment! Saturdays are a bit more relaxed at the gym in terms of gym worker boys staring at E. and I the ENTIRE time we work out. No word of a lie; they actually stand right behind our treadmills or behind our bicycles and listen to everything we are saying!! Or as in my case on thursday night; they stand behind you as you lift your measley 3 kg weights and tell you you are pretty while you sweat buckets! I find it gives me a bit more energy to finish my workout;), but E. on the other hand can't wait for Saturdays cause Ronnie and Nuan won't be there (the hot gym boys)...

Okay, so we work out (I've tried doing some chin-ups...yeah, my goal; to actually do a chin up by the end of my life!), then we head to the pool for some rays and some dips. I've gotten used to the birds that flutter around the pool, I'm am quite proud of myself. Word must have gotten around that the Canadian girls LIVE in Phnom Penh because twice we've had the pool side worker boys come up to us while we are IN the pool and try to have a convo with us. Like one boy; he actually said he wanted to put his application form in to be our boyfriends! He asked what our families look for in a husband for us!! Ahhhhh!!! We stay clear of Mr. Application now.

After the pool we had lunch, Khmer style at a store nearby and then we walked till our legs fell off down to St.240. While we were walking a little street/begger boy (around 7 years) came up to us. This is no new event! There are constantly little kids with smaller siblings tagging along behind them asking for money. E. knows how badly I want to give to them but she cheers me on to leave them. If I give them money they will not get it: their parents will. Anyways, this one boy had only pants on, if you'd call them that! They were ripped up the seams on all sides so that it looked like a skirt and they were soaking wet! he also had a burn scar on his stomach probably 4 inches in diameter and another scar on the back of his upper arm about the same size. Because E. doesn't pay them any attention due to their annoying requests for money; they ALWAYS make their way to my side and stay there. Oh! It breaks my heart!

He kept by my side for quite a while. I was able to ask him his name, how old he was, if his scars hurt, etc. He just kept mumbling "nam"...which means food. I felt for this poor little soul so I decided to keep him by my side and buy him some food. That way I would know that HE would get the money I gave him. We walked to a food stand with popcorn and drinks and pointed to see if he wanted popcorn (I couldn't see any place to buy him actually food), he pointed beyond the 'candy' to a family eating in their make-shift little shack. I walked over with him and told them I would pay for him to have some food. Surprisingly they agreed. Khmer people are ussually very mean to children. They hit and yell constantly at them.

I paid 2000 riehls (50 cents) for my dear little follower to fill his tummy with rice and meat and vegetables and water! He was shocked. I paid the money to the woman and the little boy turned around and looked at me with his big eyes and hungry tummy with amazement. He put his hands together in a prayer like they do here and said, "akun", thankyou. I said "mi nigh etey", your welcome and tickled his little armpit to get in there and eat his food! He jumped up the stairs into the house and held his little plate while the woman FILLED it with rice. I watched for a bit to make sure that they actually gave him the food.

To be honest, I had a bit of tears in these berly-kim eyes. I was glad I took the time and the money to give. God bless my boy!

The Brothels Continue...

2008-09-10T19:28:00.005+07:00

Hello EVERYONE; to those in the north, in the south, in the east and in the west!! Juum Reep Sua!! It's evening time here right now and it's raining outside...again!!

We, at the clinic, have decided because of our lack of funding that we have to stretch out our "brothel outreach"days to once every two weeks. Although we were able to visit a brothel community in need of medical attention this past monday. We went with one of the girls from the centre who lives amongst and used to work in the brothels. We walked along the river and under bridges and around shanty homes and around chickens and inbetween buildings and finally found our way through a narrow passageway to a brothel. Sometimes I can't even tell which ones are brothels or just homes. It's not like the girls stand out on the corner like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! (sigh...I love that movie) There are no high boots or blonde wigs. There are just girls, with dirty skin and normal faces. Girls that think it's just normal to do what they have to do.

You can spot easily some brothels though. Usually the ones with long corridors and multiple rooms off the hallways with only beds in them are the more obvious ones...like the one I visited in Svay Pak. Our girl proudly introduced us to the girls and we got down to business (no pun intended!). Vitamins, de-wormers, amoxicillin, STI meds and....CONDOMS were mainly given out this time(which they grabbed with a shy smile!). They were very thankful which made me so happy too. There are two brothers, about 11 and 13 who come to the Daughter's school. They followed us from the centre even though they were seriously advised not too and became our Bag Carriers...they were so cute sitting right beside the women as they talked about discharge, itch or failed home abortions! Acutally, to be honest...these boys are a bit fruity and dainty (if you know what i mean) Which makes me feel more protective of them!!

I have a sense of gratitude when I walk into their worlds. Like I'm the lucky, priviledged one who is blessed to visit such a place. Out of so many westerners, I am the one that they trust enough to speak of their attrocities with and accept medicine from!! I try to soak it up. So I can hash it all out in my mind and heart later. I feel like I am walking into their community with the feet of God Herself: eventhough that is COMPLETELY the most cheesiest thing I've ever heard or said...it's so freaking true, I just have to say it! Uhhh, I annoy myself sometimes!!

We had our first birth this week too! It was a baby girl and the mama wished to keep her! We visited her in the hospital to see she was getting the care she should (we took some girls to the dentist on monday morning and they refused to treat them: b/c they were ex-sex workers...I was spitting mad!) and also pay for the delivery (20 dollars for the birth and 10 for the nurses bribes!) I was shocked by the size of her episiotomy: 4th degree for sure (for those nurses in the crowd). Apologies to the qweezy ones in the crowd!

Here's a video of me "showing off" my clinic. Let's just say as a prepatory suggestion: don't judge my growing brunnette roots, try not to be annoyed with my hand gestures and forgive the bum/gitch show!! (Mall and Shawna should be VERY accustomed to the gitch show! I am repeatedly told that they hang out....sorry!?)
Oh, and the t-shirt I'm sporting in the video is one of the designs that FREED, the t-shirt business, created that the girls run from Daughter's.

The market encounter.

2008-09-03T11:10:00.003+07:00

I'm reading a book right now of a ladies life as she grew up in Cambodia and in the sex trade. As I read and learn about my own Daughter's of Cambodia, I feel forever affected. I feel a deep sadness straight into my spirit. Like a sword, I feel it rip me in two. I cry for them and I find myself crying for myself. For my past; and for my family.

This Sunday at the market a man followed me. I didn't know he was. There are men constantly staring and talking amongst themselves. It is quite normal. I didn't see that the man was following me until IT happened.

I was purchasing a typical Cambodian tourist shirt; something about Anit-Landmines written across the front (typical Kim Foster purchase choice;)) when I felt a hand smack my bum. I lept with surprise. I was shocked. I turned around to see who it was but found no one that I could possibly pin point amongst the hundreds that apparantly felt the need to do such a thing to me. I told E. what had happened. But we both dismissed it as a Frustratingly Immature Act.

So I continued on. A bit dismayed but a bit more like I was to blame. "My Coral colored skirt (Lulu one) did hug my bum and reveal my shape", I thought to myself. I thought sheepishly that I had attracted the unwanted attraction.

Not more then 5 minutes later the man returned. He must have followed me b/c as I turned myself to face a wall of merchandise I felt a hand grope me (not my bum this time...) I jumped and with tears and a hot face I ran for the exit. Apparantly E. had not heard my words and did not come for me. So I sat outside and waited for her to follow me. All I could see in my mind was his dark face and green shirt.

We later had lunch down the way and talked of other things. But while we walked away memories of other similar instances of older men flooded my memory who had attempted and succeeded to hurt me in similar ways. My stomach was nautious.

All I can think of is how more horrendous the things that my dear sister's here in Cambodia have been through in their struggle to gain their own self respect in a vocation that is primarily targeting their bodies as useless pleasure toys. It saddens me but also enrages me. I feel more a part of these girls now then I ever have before.

Whispers by; K.Foster

I sit and I watch and I listen
and as I sit and I watch and I listen, I remember.
and as I remember, I cry.
I remember my debtors, my shame, my dirty messes. My unclean mouth. My mistakes and my misses.
And as I remember and cry, I begin to believe I am lost.

Softly, a still small voice whispers.
Using the wind and Science and Molecules and Atoms:
it whispers a whisper that enters through my ear and straight to my heart;
"You have remembered wrong.
You have Forgotten of my forgiving Grace.
and My blanket of Love.
You have forgotten Me. And the miracle I have made in you.
Now go and forget no more.
Go and Love."

(I would request no comments on this blog please.)

Ace Ventura and Pedro...

2008-09-01T09:20:00.002+07:00

Have you ever had a thought or memory enter your mind like days after it happened and it still makes you laugh? It has been happening to me A LOT here. And usually the thought comes to me when I shouldn't be laughing...

For instance; Eileen and I are sitting in church. Right beside Gramma (Marie Ens; the Place of Rescue founder) in the middle of the rows and chairs during a serious message. The Pastor Dude calls up three boys to visualize what he's trying to get across...something about our spirits, minds and bodies. Anyways, that's not the funny part; so we're sitting there and the man is talking away and I'm taking a good look at these boys (it's not that i'm checking them out. no, i do that after church;) seriously though I was a tad bored so it was refreshing to have new faces on stage) And suddenly I realize as soon as I stare at the last boy for a bit that he reminds me of someone...Pedro from Nepolian Dynnamite! I burst out laughing. Like the real embarrassing kind; sort of like the time LJ burst out laughing at a certain someone's funeral!!! Eileen kept asking me what I was laughing at but the more I tried to calm myself down the more I would laugh. Gramma even had to lean over and see what was so funny! ahhh...yes....he was Pedro to the tee; his mouth, his hair and his posture. Too funny. How did I calm myself down? I thought of puppies dying. yes. I am morbid.

One more example of things that make me laugh still;
Okay, so you all know about my moto driver Run, right? Well, somedays our other moto driver Td'ill, the one I have a medium crush on, isn't around! I know, it's sad. Well, anyways we have to find some else to take dear Big EZ (aka Eileen Davidson) which is never a problem. Really! They flock to us like a bug to a lamp. So Eileen has somehow made a new moto driver out of this guy that Run knows; and he looks exactly like Jim Carrey's character from Ace Ventura Pet Detective! It's halarious. Everytime we're driving I look back to see if Eileen hasn't been left behind or something more horrendous and all I see is this dude driving her with these awful buck teeth inside this mouth that is permanently open in the most halarious way and he smiles this geeky smile that almost makes me feel a little bad for him! I laugh, of course, which makes him laugh, which makes me laugh more!! Ahhh, yes. The joys of moto drives by funny looking men.

There, two things that go through my mind on a regular basis that crack me up still. I realize that you probably won't find them as funny seeing how you sort of had to be there...but still...it's worth the share.

And really, I don't have much more to share other then the fact that our power went out at 8:10 pm and took with it our Air Con, fans and lighting....and it's still not on! And it's freakin' 9:34 am right now. That means that two nights in a row we had to sleep buck just to survive!

Our fridge is officially the same temperature as the rest of our house. I had actually fallen asleep in the midst of the heat until Eileen thought it would be a good idea to wake me up and make me go and try and flip the breakers! Yeah, I tried. I even killed a few cockroaches while I was at it! But to no avail...

Love the permanent pit stain lady,
me!

Some more videos

2008-08-30T11:23:00.007+07:00

Just quickly I thought I would put up some videos. Eileen and I are on our way out to Place of Rescue that Eileen worked at last time she was in Cambo so I'm sure we'll have some more pics by sunday!!

This first vid is the day we went to the Post Office. Yes, there is only one. Weird.

We found some monkeys, which freaked me out. What if they jumped down on me? Eileen thought, again, that I was lame. I like monkeys, but not the free kind. Oh, that sounds really awful. But it's true!

The second vid was filmed just last night. We had ourselves a lovely Western meal at Steve's Steakhouse (Clarker, a bit funny eh?) and ate burgers, fries and milkshakes! It was great! Then we walked down Sihanouk Blvd. to Java Cafe; our favorite little iced coffee spot. We ate Strawberry crumble pie and iced coffees and watched the lightning. It was so beautiful. We pretended we were at Saffron's sitting out on the patio watching the Corydon traffic (except, it was way more crowded, people spoke a different language and the food was WAY better;) I hope you can see the lightning in this one. It was so majestic coming from a humongous black cloud. And...it didn't rain on us!

And lastly a pic to prove the amount of rain we get in one down pour. This was on my way home from work. I guess the drainage system is feeling the pressure now!

See ya later alligator! Talk to you all soon!!

I'm freakin' 24 years old!!

2008-08-25T18:43:00.003+07:00

How goes it? It's hot and I'm sweaty and it hasn't rained for at least 2 days!! I hope it rains tonight, so we can get a cool down again. My sunburn is burning me alive!!

I'm getting a bit anxious. You see, Nurse Ruth is leaving for her lovely Britain in March and well, I'm not; I'm staying. So that means; I'll be on my own. Nurse Ruth says in the New Year she would like to hand over the Clinic Reigns to me so that I can get used to doing EVERYTHING!!! That means I have to be on top of it all. Referrals for STD's, HIV testing lists, restocking the meds, education clinics, finances, pregnancies, adoptions, brothel outreach days and everything single being that enters my clinic with whatever illness they present with is my responsibility!!

What do I think about this?

Well, it brings up a couple different responses in this ol' Berly heart of mine;

1. AHHHHH!!! Yay!!! I'm super excited! It's what I've always dreamt of doing. It's a rocking opportunity to be stretched and I get to make it my little baby. I can do with it what I want. And wow, the amazing things I'll learn. I definitely will be able to work North Main in Winni when I get back.

2. AHHHHHH!! Oh no!! I'm Kimmy, not some Primary Care Nurse Extravaganza! What the hell was she thinking?? I come from Dauphin. My biceps look like inserted sausages! I sleep with my teddy- Blue Bear still!!? I'm freakin' 24 years old!

So, yeah, that pretty much wraps it up!! sigh...

Okay, so obviously Nurse Ruth sees some quiet potential in this girl...I'll trust her.

We've been working on figuring out some numbers. We need sponsors. That's what it comes down to. Let me list our needs, in financial dollars:

Dental $5-10 (that's getting a tooth extracted)
Optician $20+ (eye testing and eye glass fitting)
H20 filters $10 (filter per family that will last for a very long time; like a BRITA)
Pregnancy/delivery $30 (covers one ultrasound and 20 bucks for popping it out)
Meds per month $100 (covers everything from tylenol to STD antibiotics)
HIV testing $5 dollars for 6 girls (transporation costs. the testing is free for brothel girls)

It's piddly money but it's humongous money here from these girls perspectives. Just think about it, ok? I'm going to try and get in contact with different companies from CANADA, like Corydon Dental, or Eye Deal EyeWear, or maybe a nice Pharmacist;)

I'm also thinking a lot about what the girls will do when both Nurse Ruth and I leave. What will remain of our hard work? Welllll,.....I've seen first hand what education can do. It IS the answer to poverty and racism and well, the list goes on. So, I've made a list of many many many many different things I'd like to teach them. So that when we leave they've got a small handle on some things. IE. Infections, contraceptives, reproduction, nutrition, dental care, eye care, when to seek help, how to dress a wound, bacteria, antenatal and postnatal care of infant and mommy. I'm excited with a capital E!

Some ponderings to end the night:

I sit and I watch
Right on the top of this pile
I listen and I learn
While you're being buried before you've died; With dirt from my shoes in your mouth.
Oh, but can I help at all?
Oh, but do I help at all?
But still.....Would you let me save you?

Although all I have are empty hands
And all that i have are ugly scars myself
The children still sing for help
What can I do?
But still.....Would you let me save you?

I sit and I watch
And I'm screaming inside
When there's nothing more I can do.
When I can't seem to help at all
What then do I hear?
What then do I learn?

When there's nothing more I can say
When there's nothing more I can do-
Then the magic which lies behind runs ahead!
And the Crimson Red linings of our souls
make way
with words to say
with more to do- a way!
There I see I am saving you
And you are saving me
We are saved
By the Grace that dances 'round by the Crimson Red
We are saved.

Love your Buttercup,
Kimmy Alice

Birds and Boys.

2008-08-23T15:55:00.002+07:00

Let's talk boys for a second. First of all, let me just inform you on what I mean by "boy". A male between the ages of 18-29 (well, maybe 30)

Okay, so first of all I think I've re-entered the stage in my life where I've become much too too too too shy to speak to boys. Or, I guess I could say WHITE boys. Yes, there are some here but when I see white boys I get very flustered, a bit more redder then I already am, and then I seriously turn and run the other way or I do something rediculously strange.

Exhibit A.
I'm serious, whenever there are hot white boys around I stare at them as if they are some strange creature that is vaguely familiar to me. Eileen thinks she's so sweet by pointing them out for me. Like I'm a little baby girl just learning what the word, "boy" is!! We were at the market a couple weeks ago and I'm serious, Eileen stalked a group of "them" with amazing Australian accents for me! We probably followed them for like 20 minutes. AGAIN, I was much too scared to even look at their faces.

Exhibit B.
We were at the pool today. We have a gym pass at Hotel Cambodiana so we also have free access to the pool!! We worked out this morning and then we headed to the pool to cool off and catch some rays. (which, may I just say; Mom, I so put on sunscreen this time! But I burnt anyways!!) Okay so let me give you the low down on this pool "area". It's apparantly prime pigeon roaming ground. Yes. And if you don't already know; I am very fearful of birds; well, really anything that has wings and flutters them at me!

Okay so there we are. Just bobbing about in the cool water, under a gorgeous S.E. Asian sky and, of course, the BIRDS come. Okay, so two birds came. But still, I swear they are purposefully coming for me! They fluttered down to where I was bobbing and I freaked out! I splashed, I screamed, I whimpered (the cute kind of whimper mind you...). Yeah, Eileen says she's scared of them too but I don't believe her. Her responses soooo say the opposite!

Okay so later we're lying on our amazingly hot little suntan/lounge chairs and Eileen all of a sudden says in a really low and slow voice, "Kim. Oh my. Kiiiiiim". My first thought? BIRDS. I'm serious. I'm tense the whole time I'm at the pool. I hear a flutter and I think...Doom! Okay, so I immidiately got into the fetal position and started kicking those Merry Foster Legs, fanning my towel out as a shield...while the whole time with my eyes closed. Of course? Of course!

So Eileen starts laughing at me. The kind of laughing that involves a LOT of eye rolling. So...apparantly there were no birds about to peck out my eyes....there was a hot white boy at 2 o'clock having a shower (bathing suit clothed) out on the deck!! Ahhh. Dang it! I was sure that I made a complete fool out of myself...but I guess he did smile at me when he left to go inside?!!!!!

And there you go: Two reasons why I'll be single forever; Exhibit A and B.

Okay so that's white boys. But let me tell you about Khmer boys. Cute? yes. I have a small (well maybe a bit bigger then "small", maybe medium) crush on one of my motto drivers. His name, which we learned today, is Td'ill. Pernouncing this one is difficult. But, seeing how I have a crush on the boy I think I'll learn it fast enough;) Okay, so he's the shyest boy ever. He has the greatest smile and a tan to die for! Eileen and I took mottos today around town. I was with Run (my usual driver) and I "let" Eileen have Td'ill. It was fun. But Eileen and I think we have to hold in the reigns a bit. Run started asking, "You have man?" Oh dear!

So, I know it's a bit fluffy and so immature to devote a whole blog entry to boys...but hey, I'm a girl!

Peace out,
K.A.F.

Keepin my Peeps Happy!

2008-08-14T18:49:00.009+07:00

Ladies and Gents! Soks a Bi? Hope all is well on the home front...you're in for a little treatie treat treat...vids and pics for y'all: (oh, but you have to let me know if they're crap. The internet here is way too slow for me to watch them...so I have no idea if they are even loaded correctly)

First video is my motto ride home today. Not as much traffic as usual, I got out earlier from Clinic!! Just to give you an idea of my Surroundings and ...the speed at which I travel!

We've got RAIN folks. I'm talking a Torrential downpour people. Craziness happening this side of the globe. Seriously. Eileen and I got stuck at a photoshop and gave up waiting it out...the electricity was out for more then an hour...pretty normal though...
Okay next vid is taken while we were making a run for it to get home. I was leading the pack and completely soaked to the bone when I quickly stopped and hid us under a little food stand tarp overhang. We look like we're having fun but really, come on, it's a complete show. I never have fun anywhere I go...cough cough...the end.

We got completely soaked. Which brings me to my next pic. Our lovely neighborhood tuk tuk that has sort of, along with probably 4 other younger men, decided to take us ladies under their wings! If we need a ride? Their on it. If I can't work my phone. Their on it. If I need someone to wave at me while I walk down the street? Their are ON it! He knew we were walking and got caught in the rain so he came looking for us. We were running home, completely soaked and he drove up and said, "You ride. Free!" Ahhh, our night in shining armor. A little Khmer gentlemen!

Okay so my computer is saying no to me trying to add more pics/vids so be patient, keep your sun bonnets on and stay tuned for more action to come!

Oh, and I should add that miraculously the lady with the very malnourished baby came to the clinic on Tuesday to ask for help with her baby. She's never been at the clinic before. Just as I was giving the babe some Ibuprofen and antibiotics a lady nurse from an organization down the street showed up and said she had found a home for both the mom and her two children! It happened way too perfectly to be called a coincidence. It turns out the mom has AIDS which means the baby probably is HIV pos. as well, making it difficult to stay healthy and nourished as it is then. I guess I underestimated the Big Guy cause they've gone to stay at a hospice!

Oh and you may find it funny to read Eileen's blog (the link is at the top right: "Kampuchea Travels") about the RAT. I so was NOT that scared. Really, I'd say she was way more scared then me! Pssh, me, A scaredy cat?...never...

Keep fit and have fun people,

Love Kimmy Alice xxx

oh and happy b-day LJ!

Dying Angels.

2008-08-11T19:15:00.005+07:00

Hello. I am bit somber tonight. A rough day is an understatement...

So Monday's are "Outreach Days". I think it's an awful title but ho hum, I didn't come up with it. What it means is Nurse Ruth and I go to a brothel and pay them a visit. That came off a bit 'fruity', what I''m trying to say is, we become the travelling Nurses we've always wanted to be!! Today will go down in my heart as a day of great sadness, great ache, and great humbleness. Today I saw things with my own two brown eyes that make the whites of them red....

We took a walk, Nurse Ruth, and our two translators and myself...about two blocks from where I go to work EVERYDAY. We turned a corner and were all of a sudden in an open yard with houses along the outsides, in a circle. We made our way to a porch of a house and walked between the tight buildings on a makeshift walkway/bridge...made of nailed down bits of wood. We found a spot to sit and we were told to wait; That one of the brothel girls would bring "them". Oh my. God help us!

All of a sudden there were probably 50 people. Children. Women. Men. All about us. They crowded us on our little mats and pushed their dirty, sick, wormy, malnourished and crying babies and children into our laps. Ruth became the Adult Care Corner and somehow the children all decided to flock to the Canadian. I was a bit taken back at first but also really excited. Ooooh, I thought, this is it!! I was cleaning foot sores, assessing oozing/swollen ears, hugging smiling baby boys with no clothes on. Looking in mouths to find few teeth without a crack or cavity. I was getting those de-wormer pills out with a vengeance when I turned to look right infront of me and asked, Who's next?..."who's next" will haunt me...

I saw an old women sitting cross-legged with a baby in her arms, wrapped in a dirty brown rag. The baby was bones. My breath was knocked right out of me. I stared. It was a skeleton. It had arms the thickness of my Father's thumb, it had ribs and bones protruding from it's skin as visible as it's nose. I choked out a, "Ruth! Help." But she was too busy. I asked the women how old her baby was. He was 5 months old!!! I would've said 5 weeks old! He was that malnourished. I didn't know what to do. I grabbed my stethoscope to try and focus, but when I listened it made it worse. I assessed it's Fontanel and mucous membranes. Sticky. I felt for it's pulse. Thready. Finally Ruth saw my dying angel and saw my eyes and my quivering chin. She held my hand and together we acted as one nurse. We found out he was only drinking 4 oz. a day. That the women was not his biological mother but an adoptive one. She said she didn't have enough money to feed him more. We looked at eachother and Ruth asked for the both of us, "Can we take him? Would you give him to us? He's dying. He will soon be dead." She refused. She said she got more money with this pile of precious bones when she begged at the RiverFront. He was her leverage.

We cried. Right there. Infront of everyone. We weeped. But we had to move on. We were there for 2.5 hours and probably treated 30 people. We ran to Daughter's under a black sky. It poured just as we got in the doors.
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I've always been a bit visual with my emotions. Like I feel them so intensely that I begin to see them as well. Colors. Shapes. Textures. Depths. Weights.
Today in Church E. and I sat at the back. Us Notty girls; came in late with our iced coffee's in hand! We sang a song about the Glory of the Lord rising up all around. The powerpoint had a rainbow as the background. As I stood and sang my heart out I suddenly realized I was seeing something else. The room was completely quiet. But I wasn't in the room. I was standing on the street. Down by the market. And instantly i pictured this swift, rolling, ribbon-like cloud. It was weaving in and out, up and down, between and around. All along the streets of P.P. In the hustle. The noises. The dirt. The poverty. I gasped, "It's here!"

Hope? I saw hope. it was slow but quick all at the same time. Deep purple with white and blue. The streets seemed to have the mute button on. Like a wind. It wrapped around the mottos. it stretched under the tables along the sidewalks. It breathed past the beggars and enveloped the street girls. It was quick as the people kept moving. I lost my breath for a second. I blinked and i was back in church. It was the glory of the Lord all around.

I stared at the rainbow on the powerpoint then looked around. I saw the multi-colored heads all around me. Different heights. shapes. colors. textures. weights. depths. At first I saw a sea of differences. Then I saw the colored hands raised and I realized that WE are the rainbow! We are the colors of the Rainbow. We are what God sees. This is what God sees. His children. His creation.

So I'm no the only one with a colorful imagination I thought to myself.
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Today as I sat searching for the last children's vitamins we had in the bag, I felt that ribbon of wind. I saw those bright colors. I was there. It was there. We weren't alone. I gave them to Him. I was humbled. I could do nothing.

With a new found thankfulness for a full belly, a healthy grin, a strong laugh and a witnessing spirit,

Kimber...

A bit of Mischief!

2008-08-08T09:40:00.003+07:00

How goes it my friends? I'm thinking of you all and when I'm lying in my bed trying to fall asleep I think of all of you just waking up and having breakfast! It's a bit weird when I think about it...but it's all really cool;)

I thought I should give you a little update on Daughter's. It's going good. I've been taking the clinic on my own with Nurse Ruth upstairs in the office or running about delivering water filters to the new Mama's! We've got a lot of preggy ladies! 13 to be exact. And we're actually finding a place for them all. None of the girls want to keep their babies so orphanages or families are what we're focusing on finding now. It's weird, even though they worked in the brothels they have no idea how to use a condom or what an STD is! Nurse Ruth and I have our work cut out for us;)

There's been some funny times in the Laboratory these past few days when Kimberly Foster enters the premises! There was one poor soul who had hemorrhoids so I gave her some suppositories to administer to herself at home after each BM (cough cough). Unfortunately, or fortunately, whichever way you look at it; she didn't know how to use a suppository. Like I'm sure many of you people may not know too. So I was attempting to explain how but stopped and said like my new British friend would, "Oh bother. Let me show you!". So I lied on the ground (fully clothed! People, come on! Get your minds out of the gutter!) on my left side, raised my right leg and pointed with my finger to the, well, you know...the spot! And I explained to her how to do it! Well...let me tell you, it sure released the tension in the room because all of the women; the translator, nurse Ruth and our poor client were howling watching ME on the dirty floor! Yeah, I'd say I've got the moves.

I also find it so tempting to say things in English to people when they have no idea what I'm saying. Like, for instance; I had a client who was 5 months pregnant and I had to do an abdominal assessment and also use a Doppler to hear the fetal heart rate. So she lies down and after I wash my hands and start poking around her very obviously pregnant belly, I say out loud, "Yep, you've definitely got a baby in there. I'd say your pregnant!" Okay, so unfortunately I can't exactly remember what I said but it was hilarious...the poor translator standing beside me looked at me with a very confused and shocked face as if she wasn't sure she was hearing right...Nurse Ruth had to explain through a cackle that Sray Kim was just joking! It's probably one of the biggest pros to living where almost no one speaks English! Fun times!

I went to Sway Pak yesterday to do some simple triaging and nursing care with Nurse Ruth yesterday afternoon. We went in a van about 30 minutes away from where I live. It was an old brothel. The van was filled with ex-brothel girls from another housing centre a ways away from Daughter's. The girls go twice a week to play with the brothel children and kind of i guess do Sunday School for them. They had gutted the old brothel building into one large room and left only one brothel room in tact to use as a monument or a sort of reminder of the hell that existed in the past there but doesn't have control now! I walked inside the little pink room and immediately got the chills. It was about 5 feet by 5 feet with only a wooden bed frame. The walls were disgusting with dirt, blood and writings on them. I stood there and felt sick to my stomach imaging that THIS is exactly where deeds of pain and shame were committed. I had to leave. We quickly got on with the nursing stuff and I was forced to focus on something else...

Last night though it came back to me in the form of a nightmare! I was a brothel girl. I was raped. It felt real. I was sobbing out loud! Eileen woke me up and I darted for her bed. Thank goodness for shallow sleeping room mates! I fell asleep shortly after I got into her bed with salty tears drying on my face. It was just a glimpse into what they went through EVERY day of their lives...

Well, I should cut this thing short but I just wanted to point out that my favorite part of my day is riding to and from work on the back of a motto. I get to see and feel and smell Cambodia up close. I see the strangest things too! Yesterday I saw two oxen pulling a wagon and also a small horse pulling a carriage!! I smiled with glee. I miss the farm.

Over and out,
10 4
Kimbers...

Is it Possible?

2008-08-07T09:15:00.014+07:00

Hey there my readers!
It seems like we're getting into the roll of things here now. And my first homesick day set in....yesterday. I just was sooo sad. That's all I could say to Eileen. There's a number of reasons but let's just leave those for another time.

Okay, so in amongst the pitty party I was having with myself, I started thinking about our actions. I was very aware of the weight of our decision on others when Eileen and I set out on our Asian Adventure! The good byes at the airport were difficult. I was sad that others were sad but also I felt a bit guilty. Like I was the reason for Mallory's rolling tears or Crystal's heavy sobs (sorry ladies). "Why were we doing this?" was a common thought that E. and I would say on the way to Cambodia.

So I know for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Meaning we are all connected. And in a way that's a good thing; it reveals the depth of our relationships and that we actually really mean something to someone else. We matter.

So then that got me thinking that if we affect eachother so much, I want to be someone who makes wise decisions, so that my actions bless not blunder those around me. For the betterment of not only my future but my future family's and our community I want to have discernment. That means, I guess, and I know this may completely come off as lame, but it means I wish to be a Wife of Noble Character (Proverbs 31:10-31).

I was in a women's book club a year or so ago and we looked at this passage. And the question was asked, "Is it possible to be a women like that?" And I think that's a very good question. Hmmm....what do I think? We'll get back to this.

Some points they make of this "Noble Women" are:

She has value far more then riches. Her husband has full confidence in her. She brings good not harm. She has a good work ethic and is useful. She considers others. She has discernment and good judgment. She is generous. She does not worry. She loves beauty and takes care of herself. And my favorite part is verse 25-26; She is clothed in strength and dignity...she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue...

Titus 2:3-5

She is reverent. She is Love. She is self-controlled, pure, busy and KIND.

1 Peter 3:1-6

Without words she shows with her behaviour that she is pure and reverent. Her beauty does not come from decorating her body. Her beauty is of a gentle and quiet spirit. She does not give way to FEAR.

I think our world confuses women. We're supposed to be strong, sporty and independent...a business mind. On the other hand we're supposed to be gentle, delicate and mothering... We're supposed to be beautiful and thin and magestic. OR we're supposed to be weak and need a MAN to swoop down and save us. BUT...we can't be all those things at once. We were each made differently...and when we stop and breathe...and realize that in our uniqueness we are all women of the Lord, then we give ourselves room to fly!
a poem I wrote:

For I am a Woman

Gather the angels around
Lift up the Sun and let the colors of Heaven drop down
Release the powers of the Sea
and call out the Trees of Authenticity
For I am a Woman
and Beauty exists in me.

I am the Lover of the Meek
The Seeker of the Lost
I am the Mother of the Future
and will perservere no matter the cost
For I am a Woman
and Beauty exists in me.

Let me woe you with my smile
and excite you with my eyes
You will be saved by my gentle ways,
you will dread my good byes
For I am a Woman
and Beauty exist in me.

I will impress you with my mind
and captivate you with my essence
I am matchless and one of a kind
and I pray, that as you stand in my presence
you will see;
Love created this spirit and body so
I am a Woman
and Beauty exists in me.

Yeah, it might be a tad sappy but I like it.
So, can a women of Noble Character be attained by the modern woman? I'm not sure yet, but I'm definetly going to try;)

Peace and Love,
k.a.f.

We've got cockroaches!!!

2008-08-02T09:42:00.002+07:00

Hey there my peeps! I hope all is well on the home front!

Just a quick post today.

I was at Daughter's yesterday afternoon getting into the swing of things working in the clinic. The girls who came told us their issues through our lovely translator/counsellor and we do our best to diagnose and prescribe. We had some girls with headaches, re-occuring STD's, pregnancy check ups and one who was raped. This girl is 17 years old and came in complaining of not having her period for 2 months (sorry guys). We did a pregnancy test and while we were waiting we asked if she had a partner. She said no. So we asked if the sex was consensual and she said no. She told us that she is raped EVERY single day by her brother in law! He is a fortune teller and when he is controlled by the spirit he comes into her room and rapes her. I sat there completely overwhelmed.

We asked about Hagar or other houses that take girls in her situation but they are either full or they are too far from home and do not pay the girls for the work they do. She didn't want to leave Daughter's. I started to cry. She sat there, hunched over, with no life in her eyes and we sat there with nothing to give her. We looked at eachother and I asked if we could pray for her. So before she left to go home to something that shouldn't even be considered a "home", we prayed. I prayed that she would be given protection, a new place to live and great comfort from God. We told her that in a way it was a gift from God that she was not getting her periods because this way she would not get pregnant. She told us that we were the first people she has ever uttered this to for 2 whole months!! My heart is sore.

I was surprised though by how quickly I jumped right in when we were seeing clients. I started asking the questions we needed to ask. And I also had suggestions that Nurse Ruth hadn't thought of either. We do a lot of preventative teaching. And that's my cup of tea! On monday I am heading to the brothels with nurse Ruth to visit with each girl and to give what medicines and care we can. I am both incredibly excited and nervous! I can't wait;)

I took a moto ride home from work yesterday. A moto is a motorcycle. And because, as you all know, hopefully...I am a woman! So I have to sit....side-saddle!! I just pretended it was a horse and I sat with my skirt and my books about STD's on my lap and went to hold onto my lovely looking motto drivers back. That's when Nurse Ruth stopped me. In her british accent she said, "Oh, well I don't think that's such a good idea. I think they don't mind eachother touching them but maybe not a foreigner. No. That's not appropriate." Okay. So I held onto the back of the seat and when he started to drive I laughed with excitement....yet another thing a woman is not supposed to do; Cackle. And you know how I can cackle. So I held in my excitement and when we went over big bumps I just bit my lip! I loved it though. Thank goodness for all those dirt bike rides when I was younger, huh Stan?!

Well, that's about it. Other then the fact that I killed a GIGANTIC cockroach this morning with Eileen's map of Phnom Penh, everything is going smoothly! (I seem to be the rodent/insect killer of the two of us...hmmm) Oh and for the record, I haven't slept walked since the first night! AND I only sleep in Eileen's bed now because SHE is scared, not me. Just for the record.

Eileen and I are headed for some relaxation at a spa today. One hour massages for 7 dollars anyone?! HA.

Peace and Love,
The Berly-Kim

Becoming a Daughter of Cambo!

2008-08-01T09:13:00.003+07:00

Juum Riep Sua! Soks a bi? Soks a bi.

Just a little Khmai to get you all excited!
Well, I have lot's to report on so we might as well get started;

I've been to visit Daughter's a couple times now. And it's more then I could've dreamed. I'm very impressed with the facilities and the programs. I have to take Tuk Tuk rides all on my own now and the first day I had to it poured! Okay, so I like rain, right? I used to like going for runs at night in Winnipeg along Wellington late at night. And I thought THAT was powerful rain?! Well, let me tell you...I have NEVER seen rain like this. I came downstairs to wait for my tuk tuk to arrive (yes, I have my own driver. I've sort of just adopted him into that role. I have him programmed into my cellular...Pireth is his name. He used to be a teacher but it only paid him 25 dollars a MONTH! so he quit and makes more driving then teaching?!), and when I got down the stairs I was almost taken away by the floods! Okay, okay...that's me exageratting...but it was deep and coming down fast. It was at least up to midcalf! My tuk tuk came and he drove right up to my front door and opened the flaps to the tuk tuk that he had pulled down to shield me from the rain! He had one of those flimsy rain coats on that look like they're made of saran wrap. I thought it would be dry inside but to my dismay my butt got completely soaked from the seats! On the way I couldnt believe my eyes. The rain in the streets were deep; half way up the tires. I started to giggle out loud! Ooh, what an adventure. It started to thunder and lightning and I got really excited. We made our way down Sihanouk and when we stopped at a "stop light" I saw a little wet girl sitting on the median. She was completely soaked! When we stopped I heard a little voice behind me. It was her. She had come to the back of the tuk tuk and parted the flaps and extended her two empty, wet hands inside and asked for money. Ahhhh!! I had been warned not to give in by Eileen. But my poor little heart was breaking for her poor little heart. I shook my head no and because I didn't know what else to do I kissed my empty palms and put them in her empty palms and drew a very big and warming smile...I gave her my love with a smile on!

We finally arrived at Daughter's and I was escorted to a semi-secretive destination. It is a tall skinny building amongst what I can see to be the poorest of the city. I was in the slums. All of the girls and women smiled widely when I came and was introduced. I met the nurse I will be working with, her name is Ruth, and so is the boss so I will call the nurse; Nurse Ruth and the boss; Boss Ruth. Nurse Ruth showed me our little nursing room and I sat in on some triaging. A lot of headaches, STD's, TB, loss of appetite, depression, night mares, HIV, worms and other such things. We are actually diagnosing, prescribing meds and doing assessments all without the help of a doctor! The plan is for me to watch and assist Nurse Ruth until I feel comfortable to do it on my own. Nurse Ruth leaves in March '09 so please pray another nurse will be able to come before I have to leave too! I am also teaching a jewellery class one morning a week. The programs that I was able to see in action were the cake decorating (and I am talking wedding cakes more elaborately and perfectly decorated then our cakes in Canada!), jewellery, sewing (table runners, clothes, pot holders, etc....I'm trying to get a connection with Ten Thousand Villages going. Boss Ruth sells to America, NZ, Aust, and England but not to CAnada!), and t-shirt making...these are awesome shirts too. I think all of you would like them. The brand is called "Freed" and the designs are simple, 90's colors, with funky designs. Almost a bit "skater-ish". I'll be sporting them soon enough...I'm sure.

I was so happy to be there that I almost couldn't withhold my excitement! I saw all the girls working hard, being paid a salary and a safe place to stay and I was overwhelmed with an assurance that I am meant to be here this year. Only one girl is still actively working in the brothels...all the rest have stopped!

Okay, onto other Cambo living things: we got a washing machine. Two Khmai men came speaking no english to deliver and install it. They had to carry that thing up 2 flights of really really small steps. When they got it up they looked at where it was supposed to go and shook their heads and spoke strange words to eachother! Oh dear, Eileen and I thought this was no good. Through sign language and the skills of two very annimated Canadians, we realized that they couldn't find a place to drain the water coming from the machine. The men were stumped. Well, I just got on my hands and knees and looked around and pointed to what I thought was a hole in the ground...which ended up being exactly what they were looking for. Yeah, that's right. I'm a plumber too! I got the machine working for Eileen and I and the Toshiba has nothing to worry about...it's in gentle hands.

Onto Election news: The Prime Minister was re-elected after the country voted on Sunday. Apparantly in the past years there have been some violent protests after the elections. But we were fine this year. I heard that the people knew that he would be re-elected because everyone had been warned that if he wasn't he would declare civil war. And the rumour is that he was the one who brought in the Vietnamese troops as a way of showing how serious he was about declaring war. He is a corrupt man but the people did what they could to keep peace. A democratic election is seeming more and more joke here.

Eileen and I have a pet cat that sits outside our bellcony. It runs when we get close...which I learned yesterday to be a God send...I was trying to lure him to the window with my excellent cat calling abilities and all of a sudden I saw little tiny worms falling from his bum! Ah, I guess you can say I became very clear with the fact that I wouldn't be touching a cat for ten months!

So, I can't remember anything else except I'm learning the power of a white teethed Canadian smile! It has the power to cause motto's to collide, children to wave excitedly, tuk tuk's to jump to attention....and Nigerian men to stop you mid aisle at the grocery store and ask for a date! Oh dear!

Peace and Love,
Berls

Joy, finally!

2008-07-28T09:28:00.001+07:00

Okay, first of all; I want to let everyone know that we are OKAY! We had a little scare and unfortunetly we were unable to get to the internet due to the election. So I was unable to update you on our position here.

We didn't end up sleeping at Place of Rescue on saturday night at Marie's. We got a van ride back into the city at around 9:30pm, which is the latest we've been out so far and also the latest we've been awake since Canada! Last night Eileen and I had to laugh because we literally can't wait until it's 8pm. I think it's a combo of jet lag and such high and low emotions. I was commenting to Eileen that my eyes are so tired at night. I noticed yesterday when we were walking that my eyes were like bug eyes; peeled WIDE open. I laughed at myself; I can't keep my eyes off these people, this culture, the sites, the sounds, the....smells! We stayed inside all day yesterday and let me tell ya, Eileen and I are REALLY getting to know eachother. We made up this game where we take turns telling eachother everything about our families!! Ha. It sounds boring but when you're living your day meal to meal, any new information sounds so enthralling.

Which brings me to where I am now. After Eileen and I had our little prayer vigil alone on our very stained, very weird, very ugly couch...I felt peace. I believe the combination of your prayers and ours and God's answers have calmed these Foster nerves! And we all know how tight those Foster's can get! On saturday night Eileen was reunited with all of the orphans that she worked with. Tears were flowing. Hugs from the kids were quickly passed from her to me and I actually got the chance to love little Khmer children!! I think that's exactly what I needed. You all know how much I love kids and it was a HUGE encouragement. I would do anything for these gorgeous miracles.

There was a birthday party going on at the orphanage and we had a performance by some very tone deaf children, which when I thought about it made me realize how much more I fit so well into this country! For I am tone deaf too! All those at Camp Nutimik had the pleasure first hand at karaoke night to realize that!!! Anyways, I was sitting there with this little boy on my lap. His dark hair had turned copper at the ends in patches, which I had seen in Peru a bit while i was there in February. Apparantly the discoloration is due to famine or lack of sufficient vitamins in their diets. He was sitting on me and I was hugging him and running my fingers through his hair when I realized that he had a nasty case of... lice! I looked down at my pink shirt and realized he had passed a few little crawleys to me too! And, I looked up and thought to myself..."HA. I don't really care. I'm here. with the mice, the lice and the rats (Eileen almost stepped on a dead mother of a rat yesterday on the street!) And I'm here to do exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm pretending these little ones are my nephews." So I squished those little bugs that had crawlen onto my nice GAP shirt and from that moment on I have fallen in love with Cambodia....

I prayed that God would reveal Cambodia to me through His eyes. That my heart would ache with real sadness for the autrocities that they have somehow over come and also ache with happiness in their triumphs. Brian McCaughley (founder of Ratanak Foundation) was telling me that this is the most stable this country has ever been! I am amazed by that. I am also amazed with these two Canadian girls and so excited for the next 10 months!

Scared a bit?

2008-07-26T08:59:00.000+07:00

Yesterday was a tiring day. I recieved an email from my connection at Daughter's of Cambodia yesterday morning that advised Eileen and I that it was unsafe for us to be out and about. There is a National election happening on Sunday and there has been some unrest. Foreigners especially are unsafe. Just as I was reading this email there was a parade down the street for one of the candidates. We were told to run when we came across such parades or if we saw any soldiers. This really had us on edge.

Eileen and I met up with our friend Andrea Schur and her friends from Thailand yesterday. We probably took the most awful Tuk tuk though. We would tell him a street name and he would go in the opposite direction!! Eileen is a great navigator though, and she got us around safely...maybe not soundly though;) On our way back we bought two cellphones. It was quite a relief to finally have a connection to our place of work and to eachother! When we got home and were actually able to phone Daughter's, Ruth spoke a bit more cautiously about the election. She advised us to go to Eileen's friend's house; Marie Ens, which is out of the city and to stay there until after the election. She also thought it a good idea to wait until this blows over before i come and visit Daughter's. Apparantly there is a rumour that there are Vietnamese troops already in Phnom Penh which makes us quite fearful seeing how the Cambodians and Vietnamese have not had a peaceful past. They actually HATE eachother! We were told to run if we saw any sort of activity like that.

There also is some unrest along the Cambodian/Thai border. Thailand wants a temple that is located inside Cambodian boundaries. There are thousands of troops on either side of their borders with gernades, guns, and ammunition. The soldiers are mere metres away from eachother. We read in the newspaper yesterday that they have even begun to dig trenches and to restore old trenches from the Cambodian civil war! Eileen and I were very distraught, as you would probably imagine. We sat in our livingroom and we prayed as hard as we could. I probably have never prayed so hard for discernment, wisdom and safety like that in my life.

We felt better after some supper and we decided it would probably be a good idea to sleep in Eileen's bed again! And it was, because in the morning while we were reading i saw a mouse!!! AND...I killed it! With my journal! I screamed like a girl though.... (We have decided that it sure pays to be Farm Girls!)

We're off to buy supplies. We need to have at least a weeks worth of groceries. Then we're off to Marie Ens' orphanage for a party...and hopefully a sleepover!

Continue to pray for our safety,
Kimberly

In The Thick of Things

2008-07-25T09:00:00.000+07:00

Day two

Hi everyone! Eileen and I have made it safely to Phnom Pehn. The trip to get here was long and really hard. The flight from Vancouver to Hong Kong was the longest flight I've ever been on; 14 hours. Eileen had this grand idea that we shouldn't sleep until 6 hours into our long flight from Vancouver....we ditched that idea almost the moment we took off from Vancouver! We had almost an 8 hour stop over in Hong Kong and seeing how the airport is far from the city we stayed in the airport and people watched. We were exhausted after our long flight and ready to pass out. We found some red kidney shaped couches and slept for more then an hour until the airport "woke up". I woke up to tons of stares and weird, annoying airport anouncements! Everything is so funny. I think Shawna would be having a hay day!

When we landed in Phnom Pehn my excitement turned to complete discouragement. I was so scared that when we were in line for our VISA's my hands were shaking. Thank goodness Eileen was there. She calmed me down...and laughed at me! When we got to our apartment I was so overwhelmed. It is so ghetto! We're on the second floor and our apartment has one couch, a table with 4 chairs, a t.v., 2 massive beds with 5 pillows each! That's about it.

We went to sleep as soon as we made it to our apartment. I slept in Eileen's bed...I was scared...and Eileen didn't object. (I secretly think she was relieved as well!) Right as we were trying to fall asleep I heard this really freaky sound. It sounded like a lion or some wild animal was in the room. I stared with giant eyes at Eileen. She wasn't scared at all. I didn't understand. I probably would've jumped right on top of her but I didn't because she seemed fine. Eileen finally realized what was happening and after she had a good laugh she informed me that it was her stuffed animal "roaring"!! Oh man. I was very relieved after that that I was sleeping in her bed. Oh, and the only sleep walking so far included me turning off the aircon. half way through the night! No biggie. We're dealing.

Thank you for all your prayers. We need them especially these next few weeks. There is a National election happening on Sunday. Apparantly it is very unsafe for foreigners at this time. Please pray for wisdom and discernment.

Gotta run,
Berly-Kim